breeze i don't know if this will help or not. But i have spent all my life in a place i don't want to be in. You learn to love the little and take faith in that. YOu learn to make your own tiny world within a world, for me, my garden, my art, my music, my dogs. FOr some cooking, some small pleasure and expand that to the corners of your daughter's smile and your world will be better no matter where you are. It is something no one can take away from you and it will bring you inner peace. Find what really makes you happy and focus on that. IF you were my daughter, this is what i would tell you. No one ever told us it would be this hard but it is. ANd for me it never got better,it never got easier,it only got different. It's still incredibly hard, but look how much love i have in my life. Even my little trees are my friends and bring me comfort. Am i making any sense at all? (((((((((((HUGS)))))))) and HUG on top of that. YOUr doing so well, should be proud of yourself.
I have always believed in you and i was right. Bev is incredible, that photo of YOUR hands wrapped around hers is in my mind for always. I know that you can do this, make your world a place where Bev will flourish. If you are happy she will be as well so you have to make the atmosphere where your at now. I guess is what i am trying to say despite everything. THat's the hard part.
I walked alot with my children, i do now with my dogs. WHen the walls are closing in i always need wide open spaces.
Jim was the only one that ever figured that out. I was awful angry at him over something and had gone to the fields. HE found me there. HE was the one person that "got" me if you know what i mean. HE could be terribly arrogant but he also could be so understanding. I miss him, i am alone, and it is scary. I understand exactly where you are at. BUt for you there is the chance of real love in the future. YOur have wide open eyes now and can see the bad from the good. I am excited for you there and green with envy for that time is past for me. I have friends that have the real deal so i know it exists.
I have faith that for you are healthy and capable, but even more determined to change things. You will save, you will be patient, and careful, and you will succeed. Have a home of your own no matter how humble in a year or so. 2 if you go collge first which is wisest. IF you can't get that done where you are you need to go where you can. I Don't remember if you have a car or not that has to come first. You have support here and back up, more then you realize. But if you choose to stay with your Mom, your still doing what you believe is best for Bev not necessarily best for you and that is commendable. YOur taking careful steps and being wise. I will shut up now I promise.
CAN you take classes on line? CAN you qualify for a pell grant with classes on line? I Don't know.
