I'm sorry this will be long. I'm shaking, I'm terrified, and I have nowhere else to turn. I can't keep waking Ryan up with this. Throughout the night, I've been suffering the worst episodes of sleep paralysis, accompanied by the most realistic, horrifying nightmares I have ever had, which is saying a lot from me. I've woken up fighting for air after finally unsticking myself from the bed after what felt like hours of trying to wake up, trying to move, say anything to get my boyfriend's attention and let him know something is not okay. I turned a light on after the second one. I fought my hardest to stay awake, but I fell asleep. The nightmares, all of them, every time, start with me paralyzed in bed, they feel so real. You don't understand - I honestly thought, every nightmare beginning, every time, that I was really in my bed trying to wake up. Then, something would happen. Someone would scream, someone would try to rape me, kill me, someone I knew and trusted. I couldn't scream, I couldn't move. Last night, I couldn't sleep either. The same thing happened, only the nightmares weren't present. The auditory was. I heard screaming, I heard talking. I swear I felt myself talking to my boyfriend, but I turned and he wasn't there. I'm sitting here with the biggest mug of coffee I could find in the pantry, as strong as I could tolerate, because I'm so scared to hit the pillow again. I'm scared for this to happen again. I'm scared for everyone to leave me alone here today, because if I fall asleep, no one will be here. I just needed to vent. You guys have always been there for my crap before so I figured, why not? Maybe I'm rambling. I feel like I haven't fallen asleep at all. The sleeping is literally taking energy from me, that's how it feels at this point. ETA: I need to mention something about these dreams and the way they are behaving - these dreams...they aren't skipping around like normal dreams. The time sequences don't jump like normal dreams. Everything feels real, like it is happening in an extremely, realistically linear way. Dreams should not do this. This is not how dreams act. How they should act. Dreams can feel like they go on for hours, sure, but mine usually don't, and are usually noticeably short and skippy, while these...these nightmares, they feel like they just never end. They feel like they go on from the time I fall asleep to the time I wake up (according to the clock, about an hour and a half each session). That is, in part, another thing that is extremely terrifying to me.