I was possibly thinking..

[SarahFair]

About getting married...
I just dont really know if I want to.
Isnt it like 1/2 of them end in divorce??

Its not that I think ours will but you never know.
I love Kyle and he loves me...
Heck hed probly go to the end of the world for me.
My whole family loves him..

We have been together for 5 years. Most couples get married after what 2 -3 years??

I just see yall saying oh youre so young, yalls minds might change as yall get a little older..

I just kinda feel like 5 years is a long time. I cant really remeber a life without Kyle.

Ive kinda thought about just never getting married, but I dont want to send the wrong message to my kids...
IDK..

Opinions??

 

[HoundedByHounds]

I love being married...I really felt married before we said the words. But the words were important to me because it is saying outloud in front of those you care about most...what your intentions are, for the rest of your life. Those words meant a whole lot to me..everything in fact.

I know not everyone feels this way...and that's fine.

From what you posted here...I will suggest you work on things inside the relationship...up to and including making sure your partner shares the same vision of marriage....before you decide anything. In short...talk to them...at least as much as you talk to us,...about something as big as getting hitched...LOL.

 

[vanillasugar]

I wouldn't worry about divorce rates as a factor to wether or not you choose to get married. It's about your relationship, not the potential of getting divorced!

If you and Kyle love each other, and want to spend the rest of your lives together, and share the same vision of your futures together (share goals, dreams etc.) then do it!

Oh, and the amount of time you've been together has nothing to do with it. It's not a competition with other couples. Matt and I have been together 7 years in September, and we're still not married. I know it'll happen when the time is right, and it's something we both feel strongly about, but we're not in any rush at the moment.

 

[bubbatd]

I wouldn't go by statistics .... married or not , some relationships just don't work . I personally feel you work harder if you have a commitment . Tom and I took our vows seriously . You both need a good talk with pros and cons . edit ....just saw many posted at same time !

 

[HoundedByHounds]

I never thought about 'other folks' when thinking about my own impeding marriage. Who cares what other people did? My own Momma included...

I always think it's best to have faith in your own ability to commit and work thru problems...and make good choices in the people you surround yourself with. If you don't have that faith then there are things to work on before a relationship of ANY kind.

 

[SarahFair]

I mean I brought it up the other day and he kinda got that look and was talking like hes all excited on the inside but didnt want to show it..

IDK he seemed kinda excited about it. lol

I just feel like getting married is just signing a piece of paper sometimes..

If we do get married I want to afford a nicer wedding (nothing like 50 guests or anything)

 

[HoundedByHounds]

engagements can be as long as you need them to be. Are you going to be the one proposing?

 

[SarahFair]

We have the same views on just about everything...
Hes just short minded sometimes which doesnt really bother me to much.

We have really the same goals (I just want 10x the animals he does..but hed let me have them cause he understands lol)

I really think we were ment for each other...its just. IDK maybe ive seen some nasty relationships and Im scared.

 

[SarahFair]

engagements can be as long as you need them to be. Are you going to be the one proposing?

I mean IDK I just brought it up the other day. I would feel weird if Kyle asked me
visa versa
I dont care about a ring or anything, just being happy.

 

[vanillasugar]

I dunno, it sounds to me like you guys aren't communicating much on the topic.

Marriage is big. It's your future! It's not something I feel should be taken lightly (which is I feel why the divorce rate is so high, a LOT of people rush into it without really considering it properly).

TALK to each other about it. If it's something you both want, and something you're both ready for in your relationship, then go for it! If not, then enjoy things as they are for now, don't worry about what everyone else is doing, and your relationship might evolve later, or marriage may never be on the table (it's not for everyone).

 

[HoundedByHounds]

discuss it...talk about it...not a hit n miss discussion but a nice long chat about the idea and reality of marriage and how you both feel...even if you both are unsure...it does help to know what page the other person's on.

We discussed it pretty often as a "gonna happen" thing...wasn't really a moment where it was like "hey, lets get married" it was more like "when we're married we'll....etc"

Every relationship is different...but you really should stop worrying about how other folks screw up, LOL. Do that too much and it'll give you terrible gas!

 

[vanillasugar]

We discussed it pretty often as a "gonna happen" thing...wasn't really a moment where it was like "hey, lets get married" it was more like "when we're married we'll....etc"

Matt and I are like this too... we've been talking about our future and our marriage for years now! We have our future kids named for gosh sake! LOL

Communication is key. Key to any relationship, and key to a marriage. If you aren't communicating, you really should examine that...

 

[SarahFair]

Im not jumping into this..dont worry about that it would be atleast another year+++!
Im just kinda pondering the idea.
I know I will always get what I want wth Kyle. Im not talking in a spoiled little brat tone but like hell always support me and what I want to do..
and I the same with him.

I really think other couples our age look at us and try and be us but dont realize its all cupcakes and flowers..
I see all these couples having kids and moving into houses and end up fighting and asking my sister...
Well how does Sarah and Kyle do it??

We do work hard on everything and are pretty happy.

 

[SarahFair]

But wait...what makes yall think we arent communicating??

 

[vanillasugar]

But wait...what makes yall think we arent communicating??

Well, just from the post, it seems like marriage isn't something you two discuss, or have really discussed. It was a surprise to him when you brought it up, no?

I don't mean to assume you aren't communicating in general, just about this particular thing, which leads me to other things. Do you communicate about the future? Your wants, goals for life, etc etc? Marriage usually comes up from those types of conversations.

The fact that you've been together 5 years and it hasn't come up before is just confusing to me.

I don't mean it as an insult, it's just such a foreign concept for me to try and understand.

 

[SarahFair]

Oh i wasnt taking it as an insult at all I was just wondering.

Yes we talk about our futures all the time...
People ask when we are getting married all the time and I just jokingly say 'Pssssshhhh marry him!?!'

I mean we have talked about it on and off...but nothing really serious..

 

[bubbatd]

What's odd to me is that today there really doesn't seem to be the commitments of days of yore . Could it be that so many move in together before marriage ?? In my day it was " First comes love , then comes marriage , next comes couple with a baby carriage " . I've known only 3 couples my age that were divorced . Wish I knew the percentage compared to the 50% of failures today . Would love to know the reason . I remember when my friend's parents divorced and we were 13. I had never heard of it before .

 

[M&M's Mommy]

My husband & I both believe that marriage is NOT just merely a piece of paper, not even an earthly contract where it can be broken - but a sacramental covenant we made to each other, a vow sealed in the presence of God & a community of our loved ones which is to last a lifetime.

and because we truly believed in the foreverness of marriage, we tried our best to make certain that our decision to marry each other was a good one! We took time to discuss it at lengths & pray over it, we taked about the pros & cons, we explored each others' strengths & weakness & envisioned their affects on the ups & downs of our marriage, we consulted with those who've been living it.. and only when we were 100% sure it was what we both wanted that we went for it.

We've been married for 6 1/2 years, and I love every minute of it, even when we are not seeing eyes-to-eyes on something, I still love it.

So, I think the key is to make certain that the both of you share the same feelings & expectations about marriage. It IS really wonderful, but definitely not something to take lightly.

 

[Dizzy]

Why do you want to get married?

Is there a reason?

 

[M&M's Mommy]

What's odd to me is that today there really doesn't seem to be the commitments of days of yore . Could it be that so many move in together before marriage ?? In my day it was " First comes love , then comes marriage , next comes couple with a baby carriage " . I've known only 3 couples my age that were divorced . Wish I knew the percentage compared to the 50% of failures today . Would love to know the reason . I remember when my friend's parents divorced and we were 13. I had never heard of it before .

Grammy, I didn't know anybody who's divorced until I got to the U.S. in 1990!! ( I was 17), and didn't know that it's considered normal here to have a kid without a spouse!! I remembered when I had my first "interview" for a job at a head-hunter office (I was 21 & in college), she asked me if I was married, I said no, then the next question is "Do you have any kids?" - I was so surprised & shocked that I my eyes & answered "What? I just told you I'm not married yet". Seeing how shock & upset I was at the question, she took times to explain to me the whole concept of divorce, which leads to single parents & people who have kids but are not married to their partners. That was when I first know that in the U.S. it's common for people to live together without getting married!!

In my families & community, we still believe "first the ring, then the thing" and teach our youngs the value of chasity & the importance of marriage.

It's 100x harder, as everyone else around them is doing just exactly what we teach them NOT to do.. but living according to God's teachings are never said to be easy. With enough faith & determination, it IS possible, though.