I have feelings for someone else.... What would you do?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by LauraLeigh, Feb 14, 2013.

  1. LauraLeigh

    LauraLeigh New Member

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    I don't want to go into too much detail about the who what and where because there are some people who know me, therefore some of my friends IRL.... The W,W & W doesn't really matter anyways..

    But if your partner ever came to you, and said they have feelings for someone else... But still love you "most" and don't want to break up, how would you respond?
     
  2. Grab

    Grab Active Member

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    Honestly, probably not very well. I don't do relationships where there's a first and second place.
     
  3. k9krazee

    k9krazee Active Member

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    Hmm..I was there. And I told my ex I still loved him most....which wasn't entirely true. It was just safe and comfortable. :-/
     
  4. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I would be totally heartbroken but them
    Coming to me with it would at least tell me that they want to work it out with ME. I would make some stipulations like counselling and absolutely no contact with that person what so ever. My trust would be shaken but it can be rebuilt as long as they are willing to work at it.

    I honestly would try to work it out TOGETHER if at all possible. I am not just speaking out of the position of someone who doesn't know anything about that, but I am actually speaking from the position of someone who had "the feelings" for someone else and seriously hurt my spouse. My remorse was genuine and true and I thank God everyday that he didn't toss it all aside because of my indescretion when he had every right and reason to.
     
  5. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    This.

    I don't believe you can love two people that way.. at once.

    I also wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship where I am in some kind of race, yea I'm winning now but I don't want people gunning for my spot behind me.

    If they fell in love with another person/have feelings for another person (and REAL feelings, not just sexual attraction) then IMO their heart wasn't in the relationship they are in :/
    Either way, I wouldn't want to be with someone who, while dating me, still had room in his heart to be falling for other people.

    IMO when you find the right person. that's it. No ifs, ands, buts or silver or bronze medals.
    I would probably end the relationship to be honest, if we are talking about LOVE here.

    There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn't be one of them. Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time.

    I am just not interested in the kind of love that isn't all in.. I don't want love that can be measured.

    I would talk to them, find out what is what, what they are TRULY feeling (is it love or is it anxiety.. sexual tension.. the enjoyment of someone new) and if it is love..then I'm done.
     
  6. Lyzelle

    Lyzelle New Member

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    Exactly.

    I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel my place is insecure, or I'm competing to be with the person. There will always be second guessing. There will always be doubts. You will ALWAYS be trying your hardest, but it will never be enough.

    If you love someone, you're with them and remove all others. If you love someone else, you end your relationship and move on. Period. Done. End. Anything else is nothing but selfish cowardice, and causes nothing but pain and hurt.

    The "second place" person will be left waiting on the side for weeks, months, years waiting for them to be "first". Waiting for the person to say, "Okay, I love you enough now. I want to be with you."

    Absolutely not. If you love someone, you WILL be with THAT person. There is no first, second, or third place. It's all or nothing.
     
  7. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    We'd be in counseling the next day.
     
  8. LauraLeigh

    LauraLeigh New Member

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    This was what I suggested.... Not sure it'll work though, and I don't think they've acted on their "feelings" it's an unusual situation for sure, I've just no clue what to do/say to help!
     
  9. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    This. This. This.
     
  10. blue

    blue Jerk.

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    I would probably set something or someone on fire.
     
  11. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    Oh we are talking literal immediate reactions?

    Likely this.
    [​IMG]
     
  12. skittledoo

    skittledoo Crazy naked dog lady

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    I couldn't have said it better myself
     
  13. Barbara!

    Barbara! New Member

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    This this this.

    I've always been the type of person that tries to fix it before throwing it away. I don't think this means he doesn't love you.. It just means he may be insecure within the relationship somehow and at least he was honest with you! That means he's willing to work and communicate and WANTS to do these things.

    I don't really believe in this. I totally think you can love two people at once or love someone and have feelings for another. Simply because I don't believe in the whole "soulmate" thing and I firmly believe we are all people of instinct and hormones and sometimes we can develop feelings for other people and have "true love" with multiple people in our lives. What we CHOOSE to do is what matters.
     
  14. Julee

    Julee UNSTOPPABLE

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    This, unless you're poly. There's a huge difference between being poly and in love with multiple people or being mono and in love with one, but in lust/feelings/whatever with another.
     
  15. LauraLeigh

    LauraLeigh New Member

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    I just realized the way the thread title reads insulates "I" have feelings for someone else... And that's not the case or how I meant it to read... Just wanted to clarify that... It was meant to read as a question..
     
  16. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Ok lOve is one thing but I doubt they LOVE this other person.. Lust is easily confused. Crushes are easily confused

    Again, i was the one to commit infidelity (not in person sexually) and it damaged us and it took a while to come
    Back from
    But OMG.... We are both so glad we stuck it out and worked through it.

    Our relationship is ROCK solid and I would dare any human to break it now. I screwed up BIG TIME and over time I proved my love even when I had screwed up the trust. Now we have a stronger marriage than most I know. And there is absolutely no sense of "first or seconds". GOD is first for us but our commitment to each other is unshakeable now.

    We were both equally willing to work through it.

    So I say if you have the years invested and you believe him and he is willing to go through counselling to fix it... Give it a shot. It may be the best thing you ever did... It may not workout ... But you'll never have to wonder "what if"

    But there has to be equal willingness on both sides
     
  17. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    I think it depends what it means by "feelings". Like... a crush? Cause really... that's kind of a human thing.
     
  18. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    Crushes, sexual attraction..that's a natural human thing. We have hormones, we have feelings...these things happen.

    I thought the issue was that the person LOVED another person. To me that is a choice and a strong emotional bond.. Loving someone takes time and emotional commitment.
     
  19. Greenmagick

    Greenmagick New Member

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    I think you can love more than one person at a time but I also think most people in healthy relationships "catch" it before it gets that far.

    I am all for being honest in a relationship but in this situation I dont see how admitting this would help at all.
     
  20. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    I actually do think it's possible to love more than one person at a time.

    But having said that... my immediate reaction would be to think and/or ask "Why are you telling me this? What are you hoping to accomplish?" Because I think most of the time rather than actually being love, this kind of thing isn't true feelings but sort of an infatuation fantasy that is born out of something broken in the original relationship.

    The fact that he was telling me at all instead of just leaving me for the other person would say to me that on some level he wanted to fix whatever was broken. So if I loved this person and wanted to be with him, I'd insist we get down to the business of fixing it together and most likely the feelings for this other person will go away.
     

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