I felt guilty but not sure if I should

[AGonzalez]

So today I went shopping for Sean and Shannon's birthday's, since they're both the week after next.
I spent a good amount of money, including buying Sean his first "bigger" bike for his 4th birthday.
After cramming a bike and a new mattress for Shannon in the cab of my Mustang (neither would fit in the trunk) I went to leave. On my way out, there was a woman holding a sign that said:

"I have 3 kids, we're broke. Anything is appreciated"

Part of me wants to feel guilty for not giving her any money because well, I spent it on my kids. If her sign is true, I feel bad for those kids. I mean, mine got a new bike, mattress, and new clothes...and those kids may not be eating?

But another part of me says "She didn't have any kids with her, so if she has them, they're with someone right now while she's begging for money".

I don't know, part of me feels guilty that one of my kids got a bike that cost the same as you can feed a family of 5 for a week, but another part says that rather than begging she needs to be helping herself.

What do you guys think?

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

oh these kinds of situations are always tough--never sure if it is real, or a scam of some kind. I have experienced both. I am not one to give money anymore--I would rather buy them some groceries, or lunch or something like that. At least then I can feel like the money is NOT going to drugs or alcohol--but really, it is so hard to know for sure.

 

[Romy]

It is tough with all the scammers and addicts out there trying to get cash. Personally, I think the best thing is to donate to organizations who do help people in their situation, food banks, salvation army, etc. Then you know your hard earned money is going to help someone in need, and they have the resources to get them through a tough time if it hits them.

 

[joce]

Don't feel bad. You have worked for what you have and there is no reason to feel bad about it. That doesn't mean you can not donate or volunteer somewhere-but don't let yourself be taken advantage of.

Never anything wrong with giving someone food,but money can buy what got them there in the first place. We have had families stop giving money to their relatives who are addicts just to have them go beg the money they need to continuing using. They have convincing stories and probably do have the three kids at home.

We are lucky here we have some really good programs here that the people that really want the help can take advantage of. It might not be like that everywhere, but they have options.

 

[Lilavati]

I try not to give in those situations because I don't know if it is for real . . . sometimes I see something that just breaks my heart and that I feel is real, and then I help.

I helped a disabled man who said he was a veteran get to the shelter during an ice storm. Helped him walk to the bus (which fortuantely was still running) and gave him money to pay the shelter fee and get some food. I don't know if he was a vet or not, but he really was disabled and no one, addict or not, should have been out in that storm. I shouldn't have been out in it myself and I'm not elderly and crippled. That guy really needed help, whether or not his problems are his own fault. My conscence really wouldn't let me walk away. My Dad thought I got taken, my Mom thought I did the right thing. <shrug>

THe point of that story, I guess, is that if someone seems to be danger, and you can help, and you don't help, I think that's wrong. But that woman wasn't in immediate danger, and I don't think you are obliged to help. If you feel bad, there are a lot of charities are absolutely despirate for donations right now, because there are alot of homeless families. Give some money to them.

Edit: Other than the scam/addict issue, the other reason to give to a charity is that they can make the money a lot further by buying in bulk and getting discounts . . . even assuming that woman really was trying to feed her kids, the money would feed a lot more kids if it went to a charity.

 

[JessLough]

I think Shannon got the end short of the stick, Sean got a bike and she got stuck with a mattress?!

But seriously, do not feel bad. She should put her effort into helping herself.

 

[GlassOnion]

Reading about professional beggars who make $60k a year (and one that had $100k) makes me extremely hesitant.


As someone else suggested, donate to an organization that runs soup kitchens and the like. At least then you know all or most of it is going to be used by someone who needs it. But then that brings up the whole "are they legit?" question in regards to the organization itself.

 

[AGonzalez]

I think Shannon got the end short of the stick, Sean got a bike and she got stuck with a mattress?!

But seriously, do not feel bad. She should put her effort into helping herself.

LOL, she needed a new one for her bed, she also got a lot of new clothes...and I have more shopping to do this upcoming week

 

[JustaLilBitaLuck]

I won't give money to anyone begging on the street, just because you don't know if they're spending it on groceries, or on drugs/alcohol.

There's a woman and her dog that always hang out with a sign by a PetSmart close to where I live. Whenever I know I'm going to be down that way, I'll grab some of the donated food from work and give it to her. (we "guarantee" all of our foods, so we'll take it back if your dog didn't like it or whatever - since we can no longer sell it if it's been opened, we donate it to various rescue groups) At least that way, the dog can get a few meals out of it.

I have a friend that is a manager at a McDonalds, and whenever an order gets screwed up (like the Big Mac w/o cheese that ended up with cheese), they can't sell the first, screwed up one because it will have been sitting out too long. So at the end of her shift, she'll gather up all the screwed up orders and give them to the numerous homeless people that she sees on her drive home through the city. That way, she knows they're getting actual food, not just money to go spend on booze.

 

[JessLough]

I won't give money to anyone begging on the street, just because you don't know if they're spending it on groceries, or on drugs/alcohol.

There's a woman and her dog that always hang out with a sign by a PetSmart close to where I live. Whenever I know I'm going to be down that way, I'll grab some of the donated food from work and give it to her. (we "guarantee" all of our foods, so we'll take it back if your dog didn't like it or whatever - since we can no longer sell it if it's been opened, we donate it to various rescue groups) At least that way, the dog can get a few meals out of it.

I have a friend that is a manager at a McDonalds, and whenever an order gets screwed up (like the Big Mac w/o cheese that ended up with cheese), they can't sell the first, screwed up one because it will have been sitting out too long. So at the end of her shift, she'll gather up all the screwed up orders and give them to the numerous homeless people that she sees on her drive home through the city. That way, she knows they're getting actual food, not just money to go spend on booze.

This ^^. When my dad was working in the food industry, there was a homeless (assumedly) guy who he passed every day on the way home. He would grab a sandwich or whatever they had left from work, and give it to him on the way home. Every day this guy was there, and was grateful every day for that food. This way, he knew it WAS going to food, and not to drugs or alcohol, just in case.

 

[Whisper]

It is tough with all the scammers and addicts out there trying to get cash. Personally, I think the best thing is to donate to organizations who do help people in their situation, food banks, salvation army, etc. Then you know your hard earned money is going to help someone in need, and they have the resources to get them through a tough time if it hits them.

I agree with this. You know your money will go to help people with clothes and food, and that it won't be given to someone so they can go by some booze.

I have overactive guilt, so it hurts a little not to help someone because I don't know what they'll do with the money. They could just spend it on food. But I don't want to be funding someone else's addiction and possible death due to an overdose or whatever.
I always feel guilty about these things. I know when I was 10 and went to Mexico, I had saved up $30 of allowance and those little children with their big, pleading eyes won me over and I gave it all to them. They could have run right back to a parent who then in turn bought some crack, but I didn't regret it. I like to think that it gave them some food for a little while.

It's sad that there are scammers out there who play on people's compassion. On that same trip to Mexico a man had a sign beside him claiming that he was unable to find a job because he was blind. I was tempted to give him something, but after observing him for a little while I couldn't help but notice, though, that he kept checking his Rolex watch and even used a little pocket mirror to straighten his hair.

 

[Pam111]

It is tough with all the scammers and addicts out there trying to get cash. Personally, I think the best thing is to donate to organizations who do help people in their situation, food banks, salvation army, etc. Then you know your hard earned money is going to help someone in need, and they have the resources to get them through a tough time if it hits them.

I agree with this.
That said, I've still given money to people on the street because if they approach me, I have a hard time saying no. But I do prefer to give to organizations that help. I donated a lot of baby items to the place I interned at because I KNOW how they use the stuff they get and it will be used and appreciated

 

[ACooper]

It's easy to say not to feel bad or guilty, not so easy to do for any caring person.........it's how we are made. We see suffering in any form and want to fix it or help if we can. The fact that you made this post shows how much it was on your mind, and shows how caring you are Ash

That said, I have given cash, I have also said no or driven right by. I do what is in my heart to do at the moment, my beliefs are that is where/how the Lord speaks to me, compels me when needed. If my heart tells me to give, I give....if they use it for drugs, booze, or are out there making 60k a year begging........well that's on them, I did what I felt was right.

A while back Kevin and I were at the mall in Mishawaka. This young girl (probably 18-19) comes up to us in the parking lot......she directs her attention completely at Kevin and asks for money, she said her car was broke down. That made my spidey senses tingle because we were BOTH right there together but it seemed like she thought she could "work him" better than she could me.......plus, what is a couple bucks going to do for her broken car? I immediately said "NO" before Kevin could answer.........she lingered a moment staring at him and I repeated "I said NO so that's it" (or something like that)

She started walking off, then I had a twinge of "what if that was one of our daughters....." type thing. As we pull out of the lot and drive around, there she was whipping out a nice cell phone and jabbing in some numbers..........my twinge left and I immediately felt better, LOL, I think my gut was right the first time in telling her no

 

[CaliTerp07]

I try to always keep granola bars and/or $5 mcdonalds gift cards in my purse for when I see someone begging. I've bought dinner for homeless people before, and always give them my leftovers if I pass them on my way back to the car.

It's hard though...I know there are scams going on. I once got stopped in target when I was in college, by a man and 3 young children. He gave me a sob story about how his wife was ill and he was working to support his children but he couldn't afford to feed them. His kids were like trained little monkeys. They knew exactly when to turn it on/off with the puppy eyes and the pleading. I directed them to my church (just down the road), said they'd give him a hot meal and make sure all the kids had a safe place to sleep tonight. He lost interest in me at that point once he realized I wasn't going to give him money.. It seriously guilt tripped me for weeks though, that I should have bought them food or something.

 

[vanillasugar]

I don't give money, and I DON'T feel guilty about it. You shouldn't either.

I get asked daily for change (about to leave for work, so it'll happen at least 3 times on my walk over). Usually I've just picked up my daily coffee, and just say hello and keep walking.

It's the same people every day, in the same spots, every day. I know where most of them live (living downtown myself). If they took the time they spent begging and looked for jobs, they might be much better off. The one woman who I see daily I've seen spend over $100 at the liquor store one day that I was there the same time as her.

Now, I have and will continue to buy food for those who say that they're hungry. I've bought coffee/hot chocolate on cold winter days. That kind of stuff I have no problem doing.

 

[Bailey08]

I try to always keep granola bars and/or $5 mcdonalds gift cards in my purse for when I see someone begging. I've bought dinner for homeless people before, and always give them my leftovers if I pass them on my way back to the car.

I like the McD's giftcard ideas! I always feel weird about giving food, especially my leftovers. That is probably my hangup, but still -- I would feel more comfortable with giftcards.

I do give money sometimes. Not all that often (and I pass several people every day who are seeking money) but when I do, I give it with no expectations about what someone will use it for. My feelings are similar to ACooper's (although non-religious).

Most of my giving is through my favorite charities. I set up monthly payments so it's really easy to do.

 

[Lilavati]

I try to always keep granola bars and/or $5 mcdonalds gift cards in my purse for when I see someone begging. I've bought dinner for homeless people before, and always give them my leftovers if I pass them on my way back to the car.

The gift cards are a great idea! I'm going to have to start doing that.

 

[milos_mommy]

I'll give food or clothes to a person begging on the street, but I'm not going to hand them cash. I agree donating to an organization is a good idea. I personally wouldn't donate to a church because I don't think helping someone out should come with a sermon but that's my opinion and it's a good place to look for orgs.

You shouldn't feel guilty that you've worked hard/your husband has worked hard enough to give your kids something nice. Giving a well-behaved child who carries responsibility, be it school, chores at home, whatever, something "extra" to make their birthday special, especially if you can afford it, is not something to feel guilty about.

I think a good idea at birthdays and gift-receiving holidays is to have kids, after they receive new toys and gifts, is to pick some old toys to donate. If he's getting a new bike, donate his old tricycle, etc.