I don't know where to start, I don't want to make this long though because no one will read it.
In England, I had a job that I hated (office job, churning out the same boring admin letters every day). I hated it so much I used to cry in the toilets. I got on OK with the girls I worked with, but they weren't on the same kinda.. intelligence level as me and constantly talked about soaps and stuff. We went out occasionally, but I didn't feel like I fit in with them if you get me.
But I had them. Also, my job paid.. more than my job here does.
I had Morgan, and that was good, but things were going downhill before I moved here. We broke up because stuff felt so weird, but we got back together.
So in England I had a job I hated, no friends, but I Had Morgan. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I couldn't see Morgan and I living there together in the future.
So I came here. Now, I have a job that I like some days, but at the moment its so stressful. (I'm being trained as a groomer). I have NO experience with animals and I find it hard to talk to them openly in front of my boss, as I am not even relaxed around my boss yet. Its in my nature to be reserved and shy alot around people, new people. My boss I can't open up with because of the kind of person she is. I am trying so, so hard to just be confident. But now I think I'm going to get fired if I don't just bond with the animals. She thinks I'm not enthusiastic enough about the job, but I am and I don't know what I can do to prove that.
I'm dreading tomorrow. I feel so underpressure.
I also have absolutely no friends in the entire year I have been here in Canada. I feel like I don't fit in, every time I open my mouth I am so self-contious of my british accent. Everytime I say something wrong that they don't understand, because it is a british phrase, I feel like such an idiot.
But Morgan is planning on coming after christmas to be with me. He likes it here in Canada, and he wants to be with me. But I fear so badly he only wants to be here because I am here.
My mum wants to move back to England, part of her does. She misses her friends, her family, I miss my brother there too so much. I haven't seen him for a year. I have a very bad feeling that if Morgan came to live over here, and we went off and had our own life, my mum would be left, alone, friendless, husbandless, in a job she hated. She said that she will stay whereever I am.
I don't want people to want to be places just because I am there.
I am so messed up, I'm so lost. I want my mum, myself, and morgan all to be happy. But I don't know what to do. I don't know where I am supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do. I don't know whats going to make me happy. Should I go back to England? Its so scary though, it doesn't feel like home any more. I can't picture myself living in a house there where as here I can, I don't understand.
In England, I had a job that I hated (office job, churning out the same boring admin letters every day). I hated it so much I used to cry in the toilets. I got on OK with the girls I worked with, but they weren't on the same kinda.. intelligence level as me and constantly talked about soaps and stuff. We went out occasionally, but I didn't feel like I fit in with them if you get me.
But I had them. Also, my job paid.. more than my job here does.
I had Morgan, and that was good, but things were going downhill before I moved here. We broke up because stuff felt so weird, but we got back together.
So in England I had a job I hated, no friends, but I Had Morgan. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I couldn't see Morgan and I living there together in the future.
So I came here. Now, I have a job that I like some days, but at the moment its so stressful. (I'm being trained as a groomer). I have NO experience with animals and I find it hard to talk to them openly in front of my boss, as I am not even relaxed around my boss yet. Its in my nature to be reserved and shy alot around people, new people. My boss I can't open up with because of the kind of person she is. I am trying so, so hard to just be confident. But now I think I'm going to get fired if I don't just bond with the animals. She thinks I'm not enthusiastic enough about the job, but I am and I don't know what I can do to prove that.
I'm dreading tomorrow. I feel so underpressure.
I also have absolutely no friends in the entire year I have been here in Canada. I feel like I don't fit in, every time I open my mouth I am so self-contious of my british accent. Everytime I say something wrong that they don't understand, because it is a british phrase, I feel like such an idiot.
But Morgan is planning on coming after christmas to be with me. He likes it here in Canada, and he wants to be with me. But I fear so badly he only wants to be here because I am here.
My mum wants to move back to England, part of her does. She misses her friends, her family, I miss my brother there too so much. I haven't seen him for a year. I have a very bad feeling that if Morgan came to live over here, and we went off and had our own life, my mum would be left, alone, friendless, husbandless, in a job she hated. She said that she will stay whereever I am.
I don't want people to want to be places just because I am there.
I am so messed up, I'm so lost. I want my mum, myself, and morgan all to be happy. But I don't know what to do. I don't know where I am supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do. I don't know whats going to make me happy. Should I go back to England? Its so scary though, it doesn't feel like home any more. I can't picture myself living in a house there where as here I can, I don't understand.
