How to: Shutting down gossip/passive aggressiveness/ and other drama

[Brattina88]

Every year most of us say the same New Years resolutions... Lose weight, get more organized, etc etc. This year, I really want to stop being a freaking doormat


Often times when I share some of my problems with chazzers, I read things on here and think man why didn't I think to say that in the moment? So I thought this would be an interesting thread opcorn: lol


The biggest step forward for me has been at work, when someone starts taking about someone else (gossiping) "you know what? I don't really like talking an out someone when they're not here to defend themselves. Should we call her over here and ask?" lol... That has stopped everything right in its tracks..

I just wish EVERYONE would do that, then I don't have to hear about all this passive aggressive crap.
What do you normally do with passive aggressive acts? Confront directly? Or let it go? Or?

Feel free to chime in, ask questions, etc!

 

[RBark]

In the workplace, I'm the boss so it's just a matter of creating an company environment that discourages gossip. Shutting it down, rewarding people for speaking positively of others and displaying teamwork, and so on.

In life, it depends. "Gossip" really depends. Everyone gossips to an extent, otherwise we'd never talk about anyone else ever which is something that is mostly not possible. You can't change everyone, but you can change what happens around you.

I simply do not listen to people gossiping. If someone is being really aggressive or hurtful, I might speak up, but choosing your battles is important. Knowing the difference between someone gossiping/making drama, and someone who is just venting can be the difference in a friendship (nor not having one.)

If someone is being passive aggressive towards me, I might ignore it. If it escalates, I try to confront them and resolve it. If no resolution can be found, and the aggression continues, I might find a permanent solution (removing myself from the situation, or if I am their employer, removing them from the situation).

Easier said than done, but I find most people will back off when you respond to passive aggression with overwhelming kindness.

 

[Dogdragoness]

If I have something to say to someone I say it to their face ... I guess it has something to the face that I am very impulsive so usually it comes out of my mouth before I can stop it lol.

 

[Fran101]

When it comes to gossip on the interwebs and people who just spew venom... delete/block.
If I have learned anything this year it's that YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR CUTTING PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL ICKY. this includes family.

Sometimes I feel like there are people on facebook who really have nothing but negative things to say. ALL THE TIME. About their spouses, about the weather, about their jobs, about their school.. that kind of negativity just breeds ickyness.

Otherwise? My method for dealing looks a lot like this. I don't want/need drama, people will gossip no matter what, but I can control MYSELF. So I just remove myself from the situation, just wait and see keep quietly walking away and eventually people will take a moment to think about their behavior and stop trying to involve you in that kind of crap.

Like someone else said, people are going to talk about other people. But the kind of MEAN, SENSELESS, HARMFUL talk.. well, like this.

One of my resolutions as well.. learn to say NO. JUST NO. AND MEAN IT. AND NOT FEEL GUILTY
Learning to set boundaries for yourself and respecting yourself enough to not swim the channel for someone who wouldn't hop a puddle for you..is healthy.

I will never be one of those rude people who speak without thinking or say hurtful things to someones face to make a point.
(and I don't think thats healthy either)... but that doesn't mean being a doormat.
A polite "No, I'd rather not do that" or "No, thank you" or "I have a prior engagement" or changing the subject is simple enough.