Face - forever, she keeps jerking away and escaping out the door when I go for the Q-Tips.
Body - 20 minutes, she adores this and insists I keep going over her. But she's just not that hairy (I had a beardie, I know from hairy) and after a while, she starts to look a little bald so you have to stop. Plus, I'm allergic so I start to need, intensely, a shower.
Tail - forever, we're in agreement that this is horrible and our constant putting it off means when we do it, it's a mess.
Belly - as far as she's concerned, we could do this for hours. I try to stop after two seconds, since there's not much fur here, but she wraps her very large and sharply clawed paws around my wrist to keep me there.
Legs, Front - 20 seconds, she hates this intensely and I try to go fast.
Legs, Hind - 2 hours; 20 seconds for the brushing part and 1 hour and 40 seconds for cursing, biting, escaping, chasing, pleading, apologizing, snarling, whining and resigning oneself to the inevitable (take your pick who's doing what at any given point)
Bathing - see above, susbtitute 'washing' for 'brushing' and include at least 20seconds for drenching humans in water.