how do you know when its time to let go?

[michelleB]

my dear girl and i have been together almost 16 years now. you would think i should know when its time to let her go. why am i so unsure? my heart is breaking.

my old friend is tired and hurting, i know that. what is best for her? she is lost and confused so much of the time (mostly deaf & blind, some arthritis and some dementia). she does still enjoy a good massage (don't we all) but she just can't enjoy the simple things that used to make her happy...no more hanging out on the couch, no walks or rides in the car....even going out to potty is so hard on her now..she has to be carried. if/when she falls, she just doesn't have the strength to get back up. she sometimes just paces or walks in circles...is she telling me something or is she just as confused as i am?

she occasionally finds her way to the door to greet me when i come home. i can't imagine her not being there...am i just being selfish to keep her here with me?

i really want to do whats best for her. is it time? is it even my decision to make?....i sometimes wish that the powers that be would take her in her sleep...let her go in peace...but how long should she continue like this?

she has been in my life longer than 2 of my children....this is so dam* hard! shes been an incredible friend and i just want to do right by her.

any advice would be great.

thanks.

 

[RedyreRottweilers]

For me personally, I must always be cognizant of the quality of life for my dogs.

I have resolved NOT to delay euthanasia if it is the best option for them.

I will not avoid this duty because I am going to miss the dog if the dog cannot live with dignity and quality of life.

I think your own answer is quite clear in the above post.

Read it again.

Edited to add:

I am so sorry, I have faced this decision myself, and it's a hard one.

 

[Tinaweena]

By your post, it sounds like you already know what you should do.
If it's hard for her to keep the house clean, hard for her to find her way to you, her greatest person, then I imagine she is very tired and sore.

I think it's easier to look at it from your point of view. If you couldn't stand up on your own, couldn't make the few steps to find the ones you love, wouldn't it be hard to keep on going?
If you couldn't enjoy your favourite activities, couldn't enjoy laying and relaxing, would you want somebody to help you out of your failing body?
I sometimes think the greatest, and last gift you can give to a beloved friend is the comfort of being released from a body that just isn't working anymore.
I have had to make this decision and it is heartbreaking, but I always look back and remember that I helped Tommy Dog out when he could no longer help himself, and he was still happy, and very loved, but his body had failed.
I think it's better to let them go when they still feel that love, rather than letting it wait until they are bitter, and in too much pain to love you back.

 

[Zoom]

I'm so sorry you are faced with this decision! But, the general rule of thumb is to pick the top three favorite things your dog used to love to do in her prime and if she can't do those anymore, then it's time to let her go. She'll be grateful to you and will always be watching from the Rainbow Bridge.

 

[smkie]

My Mary and i have raised our babies together.. She is the last of my life from the kennels..i so understand where you are coming from. When the vet asked me how old she was i said 12..she said you said that last time..that is because i dont want her to be more then 12 like i don't want my mama to be 81..somehow i keep them that age in my head so i dont have to face the truth that soon they will leave me too. I do know that when Mary is no longer comfortable in this world i will take her up because it is such a kind death..truely it is. I have held Bronki when the vet said he had cancer and cried like i have never done before but he felt no pain at all. I promised i would never let him suffer on the day he was born and i didnt. I could have brought him home and had a few more weeks but i would have been so sad and because i was sad he would be too.I took him out for icecream while we waited for the vet appt..if i had known they would tell me he had cancer i would have bought him a steak instead. 3 steaks and ice cream. I wish i could go with you..at least to drive you there..make sure you dont go alone.

 

[Doberluv]

Such good posts there. I am so sorry you're facing this. It is so tough. I lost my almost 14 yr. old Lab last year and felt like you, although I don't think my girl was as bad off as you describe your dog. I always keep in mind, just what Redyre said. And I always ask myself, "Is my dog's enjoyment of life outweighing the discomfort, pain, boredom?" If I think the dog is still having enough fun that it makes life worthwhile, I'll hang on a little longer. But my dog couldn't take her walks anymore and that was her most favorite thing in the whole world. She lay there and didn't do much. She fell on the ice and snow. She had several seizures due to liver failure and she just plain wasn't having any fun anymore, so I made that heartwrenching decision.

No one can really tell you when. That is something you will know in your heart if you examine everything. You just have to do what is best for the dog. And we are fortunate that we have access to euthanasia for them. It is really a kindness and painless way when the time comes.

One thing...I felt pretty good afterward because I knew that I spared her further time with a poor quality of life. And I was left with more memories of her being happy, healthy and enjoying life. Those memories stand out in my mind more than the time where she was not having much fun anymore, because that time didn't stretch out too far.

My heart breaks for you. It is the most difficult part of having pets.
(((hugs)))

 

[MyDogsLoveMe]

I am sorry to hear about your long lived companion. It is indeed a very heart wrenching decision. We made that decision a yr ago with our Boxer Dakota. He was 13 yrs old and when it came time I knew it was the best decision not for me but for him. He was unable to control his bowels or bladder, he was blind and had seizures. As much as I didnt want to lose him (he was my brothers dog who had passed away 2 yrs before) the last link to my little brother I knew in my heart that I couldnt let him live this way.

Bless you in this decision. I know you will do what you feel is right.

 

[gaddylovesdogs]

From your post, it sounds like you and your baby know it is time. I am so sorry...my lab is aging, she around ten to twelve years of age, and looking at her, I don't know how I will ever be able to say goodbye when it's time. She's always been there for me and I can't imagine life without her.

 

[bubbatd]

My heart aches for you !!! I will only quote the last lines of " A dog's Plea " .................." And, my friend, when I am very old, and I no longer enjoy good health, hearing and sight, do not make heroic efforts to keep me going. I am not having any fun. Please see that my trusting life is taken gently. I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands ". (((( hugs ))))

 

[Doberluv]

Oh Grammy...that just tears me up on the one hand, but on the other, it makes me glad....glad that we do have that choice of sending out beloved pets to a more comfortable and happy place. Could you post that whole thing, A Dog's Plea? Or is it too difficult to have to read now? You decide. I have seen it but forget all that was in it. If you think it's not appropriate or too difficult, then leave it. I sort of remember that it was kind of a comfort and help, in a way.

 

[bubbatd]

I did post it here once ...EliN printed and framed it for me a long time ago and drew a Golden on it for me....How do I look for an old posting ??

 

[mojozen]

I haven't faced this kind of decision in a long time.

The last time I did it I was 14. It was for one of my barn cats who I loved as much as I did my dogs. He had been kicked by a horse and his back was broken - he wasnt in much pain according to the vet, although he could not expel waste. But because he was a barn cat (and was not allowed to come in the house) i decided to put him to sleep because his quality of life was definately going to suck...

It was a very hard decision to make.

I am glad I made it though because I felt it was my responsibility to make sure he was happy.

It was a lot better than watching my parents decide not to do anything when both my childhood dog, and my pony got old. I was living in another state by that point, and made multiple offers to come home and take the responsibility of putting both animals to sleep for them, so they wouldn't have to feel bad for it. They refused.

So in the end, my childhood dog Sparky, went blind, deaf, and suffered from dementia by the time he got hit by a car at the age of 16. They do not know if he died instantly, or had a slow death. They just let him out one morning and he didn't come back. They looked for him and found him dead in the road.

My pony, Dicky, was 32 when he died. He died ni the pasture with two goats and two draft horses for company on a bitterly cold February morning. We don't think he froze, since the goats were laying on top of him in the snow and wouldn't leave until my dad came out to check on all of them at sunrise. My dad got out there and discovered Dicky was still warm, but his spirit was gone.

Both times I cursed my parents out for being selfish. They didn't want to let go, and I sincerely believed both animals suffered from a lack of a good quality life because of it.

I feel for you in this decision. I wish I had inspiring and comforting words to say. But I don't. I'm sorry.

 

[RedyreRottweilers]

If it should be that I grow weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand;
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years -
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so;
The time has come, so let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend
And please stay with me until the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve - it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years -
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

- Author Unknown -

 

[smkie]

why cant we have the same for our people? that is what breaks my heart
rottie that is beyond beautiful.

 

[bubbatd]

Lovely and loving.! It's so painful for us, but an act of kindness for them . I've been through it too many times in my 72 years........it doesn't get easier , but there's a peaceful feeling when you know you've done the right thing.

 

[Doberluv]

Oh...that is just a real tear jerker. But so wonderful. Thanks for posting.

Yes, Grammy....it never gets easier.

 

[michelleB]

thank you so much for sharing your advice and your stories. tears run down my face as i write this and know what i have to do. my heart is breaking.

i guess i knew before my initial posting but it's just so very hard that i let my feelings get in the way of doing right by her.

she's here with me right now, at my feeting, waiting on her breakfast. i can't imagine my life without her but i will do the right thing for her. i don't want her in anymore pain. no more pain for my very, very good friend.

it just hurts so much.

thank you.

 

[SummerRiot]

I can feel your pain. Although I will never completely understand it exactly.

We have gone through two girls and two boys here.
One was not even a year old when she contracted "puppy AIDs". Another was only 7 years old, when she was diagnosed with cancer. Rory, our pride and joy from the kennel, our perfect show dog and our stud lived to be 16years old, then needed to be put down when he told us that was enough. Our last Sheltie, Rorys son and the last of his litters died on the way to the vets from a stroke.
The dogs tell you when its their time in their own way as well.

Laddie, our last Sheltie, told me when it was his time a few hours before he had his stroke.
I was out in my living room playing the piano, Laddie, who ALWAYS slept in his "dog room" came out and sat on my feet and just watched me. He had never done this before. I called my dad down(he was training to be vet in university, but didn't go through with it) took a look at him and decided that Laddie would need to go to the vets tomorrow.
Last thing I remember is spending some time with him scratching his belly and hugs and kisses. That night around 3am I woke up to him having a stroke.

When our dog Rory was put down, I was so connected with him, I felt like I could "feel" him go, even though I waiting in the van while he was in the vets office(my dad was in with him).

My prayers are with you, its a very tough decision. you never want to make the wrong one, but, you never will when your dog makes it for you

 

[Doberluv]

Michelle,

Just know that we are here for you whenever you need us....to talk, share memories or cry. I know these boards were a real comfort to me when I lost my Lab. We all go through it...have to. It's part of the cycle of life and I just wish we were better at accepting it. Our culture is not as good at that as some others. But just know....we're here for you.

 

[Shadowkins]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this...it's definitely something that comes with loving our pets and caring for them all those years. I will keep you both in my prayers.
I too have been through this loss and god knows it's one of the hardest things a person must do...but you have friends here who understand and can lend a shoulder when you need it. Please keep us posted on how you are doing!