How Can You Guys Be So Rude????

[mamasobuco]

It amazes me how threads like this come up pretty often but yet those of you who insult people because they are not doing what YOU think they should do still insist on insulting and belittling. :yikes:

I'll be goin going back to my opcorn: now.

 

[TopShelfPets]

I did not read the thread in question (yet) but I feel I understand the type of thread in question. Someone has a problem, and people tell them to do something entirely against their nature or to completely rearrange their lives.

Sometimes, obviously, something has to be said because the poster is oblivious to the fact that they are doing something outside the dogs best interest. Usually, however, people need to get off their high horse.

We can't all work from home to be with our dogs and train them. That doesn't mean we love our dogs less.

We can't all buy our dogs for thousands of dollars so that we know exactly what we're getting. Doesn't mean we love our shelter dogs less.

We can't all afford to put our dogs on a raw meat diet, feeding them only the finest cuts of steak. We can't all afford top of the line dog food. Doesn't mean we care about our dogs health less.

I love and care for my dog. I have his best interests at heart. I do the best i can by him, and he is happy enough. Could he be the most perfect, world's happiest dog with someone else? Possibly. But someone else didn't come along and pull him out of the pound. I did.

 

[oc_spirit]

Ok I havent read the thread in question, nor have I read all the posts in reply to this thread so I appologize if I say something thats already been stated...

One thing that really irks me is when someone posts asking for help about their pregnant dog or their dog that has just given birth with an ""oops"" litter and a lot of peolpe just jump down their throat screaming ""Why wasnt she spayed?"" ""How can you call yourself responsible when you let this happen?"" ""Why wanst she properly ontained during her heat?"" and ""SPAY HER NOW!!!!!!!!!""

Granted the last one could be be good advise for someone with a dog who hasnt given birth yet, but the rest doesnt offer any help at all! It''s all ""shoulda coulda woulda...DIDNT"" Its indirectly pointing a fingure and saying they are a bad owner. In other words, belittling. At this point that is not what they need to hear. What they need to hear is advice on how to properly and responsibly wean the litter or abort it and what steps to follow in order to ensure the well being of said bitch and puppies.

If all a forum does is scream at the poster and call them out on how irresponsible they are, it doesnt exactly give the impression of being a welcoming society. It can get to the point where the person doesnt want to come back at all, and then what? They are stuck clueless and with no clue where to go to for help. Instead of being able to focus energy on the well-being of the pups with the guidance of knowledgable people, they feel down and miserable and very very lost. Not to mention other people who are just browsing the forum can get very turned off from seeing an attitude like that.

You''re better off the help the people and get them through this ""emergency"" and then after all the hiatus has calmed down, offer them advice about spaying so it doesnt happen again in the future. Now I understand that we shouldnt have to be all ""nice and pleasant"" all the time and decorate the forum with roses and fairies, but we dont have to be jerks about it either.

I admit, I usually stay completely away from the breeding forum here at chaz because I have already gotten turned off by some people who otherwise I thought to be very nice and a joy to chat with simply due to the way they responded to somebody asking for help with their ""oops"" litter. Hmmm....

 

[Renee750il]

Problem is, too much of the time, the ones who really need to take this to heart and do some self-examination don't see that it applies to them in the least.

I'd bet it would apply to every single, solitary one of us at one time or another.

 

[Gustav]

Well, I was BORN this rude, it's a gift that I have nurtured.. And I will probably continue to corrupt people that I come into contact with.. Sorry!

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

Well, I was BORN this rude, it's a gift that I have nurtured.. And I will probably continue to corrupt people that I come into contact with.. Sorry!

Yeah...and to think we love you anyway!!

 

[Gustav]

Yeah...and to think we love you anyway!!

You can't help yourselves.

 

[my2puppies]

Well, I was BORN this rude, it's a gift that I have nurtured.. And I will probably continue to corrupt people that I come into contact with.. Sorry!

lol, that was just funny.:lol-sign: I dont see myself as being rude..but if i really beleive people are wrong..I'll say it, though i try to hold back..this is supposed to be a friendly dog site though. What bugs me is mostly when inexperienced (and im not meaning younger) people act like they have been raising and breeding dogs all their life...i truly only say what i know..which is why you dont see me alot in the informational (sp?)"what dog food is the best" because i dont know, but i do look their for advice matters. but i try to input what i know, I just wish that sometimes some people on this do not feel they have to power struggle, or argue with someone knowledgable( i dont mean me) because i guess they feel like they have to be right ..
back on topis lol..i really do understand peoples frustrations with people coming on here saying..my dog just had puppies and it was accident. Obviouslty thats becaue w ecome on here all the time and that is now just a obvious no no to us. I think that person should be told what they did wrong...but they should tryto be polite about it..and alot of you IMO were polite..though we dont want to scare them away just help them with ttheir current situation and let them understand why this is not good

 

[tessa_s212]

Not everyone is as "brilliant" as everyone on this site..... it's like no one can make a mistake. I am with you fruit bat. I have seen so many of those threads. Do they really think they are helping? Not so much. You can give advice without coming off as being pompous and arrogant.

We are all animal lovers but we aren't all as smart as we like to act like we are. I really hope you don't make a mistake and get a reaction like this.... but of course you would never be so stupid right... Everyone does something dumb sometimes

Basically.... the deed is done.... give advice that is helpful in resolving the situation and helping the person to help their dog. Being a bully does nothing but put the person on the defensive and does not help their dog one bit.... if we are true animal lovers we should be able to give advice without being tools about it.

You don't have to be "happy go lucky" just give advice that might help and leave it at that... you don't have to put your personal jabs in there... it helps no one. If you are not capable of doing so.... don't post... write in your journal to yourself.

I couldn't agree more. Yell at someone and tell them that they are stupid, and you expect them to listen? Hell no. You give advice kindly, non-judgmentally. This will encourage them to stick around and gain more knowledge, where hopefully they'll learn and spay and neuter their dogs. My neighbors are BYBs. The little girl wants to join 4-H. Her dog is in heat nad many times I've heard her mention how her parents are going to breed her dog. I simply say, well, in 4-H the dog can't be pregnant or in heat during a show. I didn't even have to say it, she then said, "but I really want to do 4-H." I simply said there was always an option of spaying so that she wouldn't run into any problems that would prevent her from showing. No, I did NOT yell at her, insult her, or tell her or her parents were awful people for breeding their dogs. I simply encourage them to get more involved in dogs.

Afterall, my own mother used to be a BYB for cocker spaniels. When we got about 3 years into competing with our dogs in 4-H, soon ALL of our dogs were spayed and neutered and my mom will never breed again. Sure, it wasn't just a week of convincing. If people would have just yelled at my mom and called her stupid she would have NEVER listened to them. Being the person she is, she'd probably just quit and tell them to go "F" off.

When people start insulting others and being rude when giving "advice", it si NO longer about giving that advice. It is getting their own frustrations out, not caring if that person will actually listen. Because after all, if they don't listen to your advice even after you've been rude and diswelcoming, you can always just lay the blame on them and call them irresponsible.

When you blame others, you give up the power to change. Not only yourself, but the power to encourage others to change. Want to help? Then shut your mouth every once and a while when frustrated and learn to transfer that frustration into a helping hand that might just one day encourage them to spay and neuter their dogs.

 

[tessa_s212]

I have not read the controversial threads in question. But you know, this is why there has been alot of people who have quit chaz or decided not to join. Now, alot of people claim they are "stating their opinion" and that they have "nothing but good intentions" but you ever step back and wonder how you are projecting yourselves? You want to know why alot of people dont post anything very often about stuff like that? Its because everyone jumps on them regardless of what they choose.

Now I dont mean to accuse anyone specificlyof this, the people that do this are vast and know who they are, I couldnt honestly care who specificly it is. But when everytime someone posts something of a similar nature to the thread mentioned and people only reply with posts saying what they think of the situation it doesnt help.

They ask for advice NOT opinions, they are seeking options NOT what you think the situation SHOULD be in a perfect world. Sometimes people have situations come up that cant be helped, and guess what they dont need the extra stress of having to wade through all the cr@p just to find the options and advice they simply asked for in the beginning.

I do realize that there is a insanely vast amount of chazzers. But do you think it is honestly necessary to scold everone coming here for advice and options? Is it really necessary to state your "opinion" in every thread that did not ask for it? because thats mainly what the chaz community is projecting.

Respect is a rare thing and I honestly think that we could use to give a bit more of it than we are now. Lets try saying something nice, instead of trying to project to them that they are "wrong" to not go with others visions of a perfect world.

I remember a particulary wise influence in my life telling me something, and its simply this "You may not agree with everybodys choices, ideals, methods, opinions or thoughts, but at least respect them"

Of which most chazzers tend not to do, lets try giving more respect for others.

:hail: :hail: :hail:

Sometimes even if it is honestly "good intentions", doesn't make it right. Such as BYBs themself. My mom when she was a BYB only had the best intentions, but that did NOT make her right. So even if you are rude with only the "good intentions", nope.. doesn't make it right.

People constantly tell me that I'm a horrible awful person for what I say here on chaz. Course, that is not the truth at all, but they say that is how I come off. Why should one person be attacked and judged as being in the wrong for what they say when its not about dogs, but others who say other rude things because of their passion with dogs are given excuses and defended?

I don't care if it is about dogs, people, or a freaking rock. If you want someone to listen to you, they have to trust you first. And insulting them, even if it is "good intentions" is bull. If you can't offer kind advice, perhaps one should stay out of the breeding forum.

 

[Dreeza]

I love and care for my dog. I have his best interests at heart. I do the best i can by him, and he is happy enough. Could he be the most perfect, world's happiest dog with someone else? Possibly. But someone else didn't come along and pull him out of the pound. I did.

:hail: :hail: :hail: :hail:

VERY well said. People criticize me for getting him trained with a shock collar...no, it was NOT the most ideal thing, No, i didnt do much research on dogs before we got Oakley, had I, we would have realized Oakley was not the 'ideal' dog for us at the time.

We do our absolute best with him...he had been on death row once, and been waiting for adoption (after being rescued by a rescue) for a few months....had someone else come along, he coulda been guarenteed his dream life...full of constant companionship by both people AND other dogs, and endless pastures full of bunnies to chase.

He also coulda ended up with someone that didnt have the patience for his "issues", ended up back in the pound, and with his issue, been euthanized on the spot.

So while we may have stopped him from having the most fantastic life ever, we also prevented his death. From the way he greets us when we come home though...i have to say...he is one darn happy dog, and probably wouldn't have it any other way...

When you blame others, you give up the power to change. Not only yourself, but the power to encourage others to change. Want to help? Then shut your mouth every once and a while when frustrated and learn to transfer that frustration into a helping hand that might just one day encourage them to spay and neuter their dogs.

Just wanted to agreee!! Very well said too Tess!