His and her dogs
- Thread starter Elrohwen
- Start date
We definitely have his and her dogs. Part of this is because he adopted Cynder years before we met and she is 100% bonded to him, and when I purchased Abrams he was Mine and Michael was gone for 7 months of his puppyhood, so he really bonded with me as his primary human and not Michael. But even if it weren't for that, we still likely still "split up" the dog ownership.
Michael loves dogs and even if I wasn't with him he'd have a few. We both like a lot of the same traits, but I put a lot more stock on structural/genetic/temperament soundness whereas he is more of a, "Eh. It's a dog." And while we like a lot of the same temperamental traits, our aesthetics are completely different. He also only wants adult rescues, whereas I prefer puppies so I can shape them how I'd like vs trying to break habits that annoy me. (And since I prefer puppies, I'll likely only go through breeders if I am actively searching for a dog.)
I do more of the routine care with them, but that's just because it's, well, part of my routine. LOL He's more than happy to pitch in if I'm not able/ask. I feed, play, train, groom, and vet, he helps with the potty breaks, brushes/bathes when asked, feeds when I ask, and most importantly he plays/wrestles with Abrams and helps me tire him out.
I imagine we'll always have "his" and "her" dogs - my only issue is I like having two of "my" dogs and trying to fit that in with "his" dog(s) will take some finesse. And regardless, we will both have say on to whether or not the other is allowed to bring the dog/pup in to the family, because even if it isn't "our" dog, we still have to live with it and will be helping out with it.
(For what it's worth, the cat is definitely both of ours and not just one or the others. I feed her and clean her litterbox, but he dotes on her and plays with her and spoils her. If anything, I'd say she's more of his cat than mine. Haha)
Michael loves dogs and even if I wasn't with him he'd have a few. We both like a lot of the same traits, but I put a lot more stock on structural/genetic/temperament soundness whereas he is more of a, "Eh. It's a dog." And while we like a lot of the same temperamental traits, our aesthetics are completely different. He also only wants adult rescues, whereas I prefer puppies so I can shape them how I'd like vs trying to break habits that annoy me. (And since I prefer puppies, I'll likely only go through breeders if I am actively searching for a dog.)
I do more of the routine care with them, but that's just because it's, well, part of my routine. LOL He's more than happy to pitch in if I'm not able/ask. I feed, play, train, groom, and vet, he helps with the potty breaks, brushes/bathes when asked, feeds when I ask, and most importantly he plays/wrestles with Abrams and helps me tire him out.
I imagine we'll always have "his" and "her" dogs - my only issue is I like having two of "my" dogs and trying to fit that in with "his" dog(s) will take some finesse. And regardless, we will both have say on to whether or not the other is allowed to bring the dog/pup in to the family, because even if it isn't "our" dog, we still have to live with it and will be helping out with it.
(For what it's worth, the cat is definitely both of ours and not just one or the others. I feed her and clean her litterbox, but he dotes on her and plays with her and spoils her. If anything, I'd say she's more of his cat than mine. Haha)
Both my husband and I had our respective dogs before we moved in together, so we definitely have his & her dogs. The dogs show a very strong preference to their respective person, and we definitely prefer our own dogs. All care of both dogs falls to me, but quality time is mostly doled out by the dog's respective person.
Well, I have all these dogs that are mine now, so if I met somebody and got married and such, they would still be "mine." And if he had dogs they would be "his." But of course it doesn't really work like that any more than if we moved in together and I brought my sofa. Is it "my" sofa? Yes. But it's also "our" sofa, if that makes sense...
On paper I co-own Georgie but she is really my mom and dad's dog. I put myself down as co-owner for some legal reasons and also so I would be able to officially act as a representative for her in some AKC stuff. My mom was supposed to train her up and then I would run her in agility but that's really it. I don't consider training Georgie my responsibility. But I will happily feed her if they aren't there, vet care I'm happy to help out in, I do the bathing, grooming, nail trims, et cetera, I like to let her out and play with her/let her play with the other dogs, she adores me and I rather like her too. When we are at an agility trial she is just in love with me, to the point I think it hurts my mom's feelings a bit haha.
When we bought Auggie I wanted to know for sure if he was MY dog or THEIR dog because I wanted to know if he was coming with me when I moved out. Pepper is most definitely my dog and Payton too.
There's actually an article in Clean Run from a couple months ago about couples who do agility together LOL. It was interesting to read because I do know a few couples who both do agility. Most of them do have his and her dogs but I don't feel like it's intended as a negative or possessive thing.
On paper I co-own Georgie but she is really my mom and dad's dog. I put myself down as co-owner for some legal reasons and also so I would be able to officially act as a representative for her in some AKC stuff. My mom was supposed to train her up and then I would run her in agility but that's really it. I don't consider training Georgie my responsibility. But I will happily feed her if they aren't there, vet care I'm happy to help out in, I do the bathing, grooming, nail trims, et cetera, I like to let her out and play with her/let her play with the other dogs, she adores me and I rather like her too. When we are at an agility trial she is just in love with me, to the point I think it hurts my mom's feelings a bit haha.
When we bought Auggie I wanted to know for sure if he was MY dog or THEIR dog because I wanted to know if he was coming with me when I moved out. Pepper is most definitely my dog and Payton too.
There's actually an article in Clean Run from a couple months ago about couples who do agility together LOL. It was interesting to read because I do know a few couples who both do agility. Most of them do have his and her dogs but I don't feel like it's intended as a negative or possessive thing.
Oh yeah, I imagine if you are actively training and/or competing in things the dog would have to be more his or hers (even if basic care is split). Makes perfect sense to me that one person or the other will be in charge of training that dog and competing with it, while the other person will have a dog that they train or compete with. I was curious how many people here had SO's who are actively into dog sports.
I find it interesting when people who have dogs as pets or companions still have his/her dogs. I totally wouldn't mind if my husband said he really loved X breed and wanted a dog of that breed to be "his" dog, while I had something totally different to be "my" dog. That's not how we chose to go about it (mostly because he doesn't care enough or want the responsibility of "his" dog), but I think it's a great compromise for people who really disagree on what type of dog they want to own.
I find it interesting when people who have dogs as pets or companions still have his/her dogs. I totally wouldn't mind if my husband said he really loved X breed and wanted a dog of that breed to be "his" dog, while I had something totally different to be "my" dog. That's not how we chose to go about it (mostly because he doesn't care enough or want the responsibility of "his" dog), but I think it's a great compromise for people who really disagree on what type of dog they want to own.
I'm all for his and hers animals. It just works out better. Especially if both are into doing specific things with them. I think its different in a family pet home type situation since I would imagine both just want a friend, so unless the dog was abnormally bonded to only one I would think one family dog would be fine unless you are into the pack thing. Eh, its all personal to each couples' situation!
I will be slated for my next dog first. Any cats will be all mine. He's not a cat person. And he wants a sporter to hunt birds with which is pretty much the last kind of dog I'd want to live with. Just not my type of dog. But he is willing to live with my type, so its only fair. His would be ten or so years out, so who knows.
Can't we just get a Rhodie and teach it to bird hunt instead of a Lab? That would be way better to live with in my personal opinion.
Also, I apologize to Lab lovers. They are fine dogs, just not my cuppa.
I will be slated for my next dog first. Any cats will be all mine. He's not a cat person. And he wants a sporter to hunt birds with which is pretty much the last kind of dog I'd want to live with. Just not my type of dog. But he is willing to live with my type, so its only fair. His would be ten or so years out, so who knows.
Can't we just get a Rhodie and teach it to bird hunt instead of a Lab? That would be way better to live with in my personal opinion.
Also, I apologize to Lab lovers. They are fine dogs, just not my cuppa.
Our puppy will be our dog, but probably "my" dog if it makes sense? We are buying her together, and will take equal responsibility in her care, but it was me who pushed for this breed, and whenever we talk about her (I swear, the wait for her to get here is worse than not knowing when or if we will get one!) it is just understood that she'll most likely be in my lap, or with me, etc. I made sure this breed was a good compromise, but I think its skewed more towards my wants than his.
He talks about getting a German Shepherd some day, so, if our puppy bonds more to me than him, I would hope that the Shepherd would be more his than mine.
He talks about getting a German Shepherd some day, so, if our puppy bonds more to me than him, I would hope that the Shepherd would be more his than mine.
Part of the reason I want a second sport dog is because my husband is wanting to be more involved with dog sports. It pains me to turn over "my" dog and let him do things At the same time, he has no interest in dog training at this point...and can barely get Crossbone to perform for him.
Eventually, I wouldn't mind both of us competing with both dogs. In CPE agility there are games that I would feel comfortable turning over to him, while I do the standard courses. Or in disc, he's better at the games involving long throws. We shall see what happens! I think he'd prefer at some point me turning Crossbone over to him completely and I would have puppy.--but Ken and Crossbone both need a lot of training before that happens. All the dogs are very much "ours" at home though. Unless they're being bad, then I tell Ken they're his
At the same time, he has no interest in dog training at this point...and can barely get Crossbone to perform for him. Eventually, I wouldn't mind both of us competing with both dogs. In CPE agility there are games that I would feel comfortable turning over to him, while I do the standard courses. Or in disc, he's better at the games involving long throws. We shall see what happens! I think he'd prefer at some point me turning Crossbone over to him completely and I would have puppy.--but Ken and Crossbone both need a lot of training before that happens. All the dogs are very much "ours" at home though. Unless they're being bad, then I tell Ken they're his
I don't have a significant other currently.
I have had boyfriends who weren't dog people, so all dogs were mine. I have had "shared" dogs like Frag and Sir with boyfriends who were interested in the dogs/got the dog first/bonded most to the other person.
I also had a significant other who WAS a dog guy and his dogs were his, mine were mine. Nothing shared, everything was separate, new dogs were for one of us, not both. I suspect I will have another significant other in the future who is a dog guy and it would go the same way. Maybe a companion that is shared, but dogs that we're competing with? Kept separate. Makes it easier during break ups, too.
(I'm not cynical or anything...)
I have had boyfriends who weren't dog people, so all dogs were mine. I have had "shared" dogs like Frag and Sir with boyfriends who were interested in the dogs/got the dog first/bonded most to the other person.
I also had a significant other who WAS a dog guy and his dogs were his, mine were mine. Nothing shared, everything was separate, new dogs were for one of us, not both. I suspect I will have another significant other in the future who is a dog guy and it would go the same way. Maybe a companion that is shared, but dogs that we're competing with? Kept separate. Makes it easier during break ups, too.
(I'm not cynical or anything...)
I think one of the couples in the article, the wife did most of the training for both dogs just because she really enjoyed it and the husband didn't like the actual training part as much. Being already in a situation like that - where my mom is expected to do the training and I just run the dog I am given - I don't know if I would ever do that LOL. I mean, I guess if my mom were a talented, committed trainer, it would be a different story, haha. But not fun the way it is.
My sister got Henri as kind of a compromise to what her husband wanted. He still wants a lab or something like that, and she wants another sheltie. She is getting a sheltie next and then I think they are going to get "his" dog after that. Her husband is not really a big dog person though, not the way she is. He had a hard adjustment to the whole idea of dogs living in the house. =P So even when they get "his" dog I'm sure she will still be the one doing the majority of the training and care.
True story - last night we had a going away party for one of the guys I work with. It was drinks after work & then a co-worker was having a party at her house. My husband did head out early from work to let the dog out, but when I got home around 9:30pm, I said, "can I assume the dog hasn't been fed?" He goes, "well, I was going to feed him, but couldn't find the food so I gave him a bullstick"
So, yeah. He isn't allowed to have anything that depends on him for basic care.
So, yeah. He isn't allowed to have anything that depends on him for basic care.
Good thread idea!
I will answer this in two ways--
1) Technically, all of our dogs are shared. Basic care is done by both of them, we both pay for expenses, we both spend time with them, ect. That being said, I handle the vet care, training, ect. DH did not choose any of our current dogs, nor did he get much say in it. I bought Harlow while we were still dating and living separately. Rider was after we were married and was a joint decision, but I chose breed, rescue, ect. Tulsa was mainly "THERE IS THIS AWESOME PUPPY AND I LOVE HER. PLEASE?!" He wasn't thrilled, but yeah. It happened and now they are soulless redhead friends. Again, I chose the breed.
2) Uhm, so the cattle dogs are totally mine. I keep them active and do all the training, decide what they will compete (or not compete with Rider) in. Rider is a very middle ground dog in our home, though. DH will take him places to hang out with him, ect. Tulsa spends the vast majority of her time with me and she is more needy, so he doesn't do that with her. She is 100% mine. Harlow is clearly DH's. I do mush with her, but that is the only thing she enjoys doing with me. She couldn't care less if I weren't around. We have plans for future dogs and their standings in the family will be mixed depending on purpose.
I will add that though DH is becoming more interested, I am still primary dog-nerd in the house. That being said, any dog we add (his or not), I research and find the breeder.
I will answer this in two ways--
1) Technically, all of our dogs are shared. Basic care is done by both of them, we both pay for expenses, we both spend time with them, ect. That being said, I handle the vet care, training, ect. DH did not choose any of our current dogs, nor did he get much say in it. I bought Harlow while we were still dating and living separately. Rider was after we were married and was a joint decision, but I chose breed, rescue, ect. Tulsa was mainly "THERE IS THIS AWESOME PUPPY AND I LOVE HER. PLEASE?!" He wasn't thrilled, but yeah. It happened and now they are soulless redhead friends. Again, I chose the breed.
2) Uhm, so the cattle dogs are totally mine. I keep them active and do all the training, decide what they will compete (or not compete with Rider) in. Rider is a very middle ground dog in our home, though. DH will take him places to hang out with him, ect. Tulsa spends the vast majority of her time with me and she is more needy, so he doesn't do that with her. She is 100% mine. Harlow is clearly DH's. I do mush with her, but that is the only thing she enjoys doing with me. She couldn't care less if I weren't around. We have plans for future dogs and their standings in the family will be mixed depending on purpose.
I will add that though DH is becoming more interested, I am still primary dog-nerd in the house. That being said, any dog we add (his or not), I research and find the breeder.
Tyler and I share the responsibility of the both the dogs, we both do the exercising, feeding and training. Its a join effort.
The dogs treat us almost the same, but we have a different type of relationship with the dogs. Panzer and Tyler and like BFF. They have this bro-mance thing going on. Tyler plays differently then I play with Pan. Teagan is my heart dog and I treat her accordingly. And she treats me accordingly. Panzer listens to Tyler a little better then he listens to me.
The dogs treat us almost the same, but we have a different type of relationship with the dogs. Panzer and Tyler and like BFF. They have this bro-mance thing going on. Tyler plays differently then I play with Pan. Teagan is my heart dog and I treat her accordingly. And she treats me accordingly. Panzer listens to Tyler a little better then he listens to me.
When we live together, our current dogs are "shared" (but if push came to shove, they're mine).
One of these days he'll probably get his own dog. And as much as he says he'll never be able to go back to a dog that's not a Border Collie, he definitely has a different type preference than me.
I prefer a sporty, well build, sleek, medium sized herding dog. Whereas he's likely to get some sort of scruffy little shelter mutt. He likes smallish dogs, with mustaches, and that will enjoy cuddling with him and are relatively low maintenance beyond that.
One of these days he'll probably get his own dog. And as much as he says he'll never be able to go back to a dog that's not a Border Collie, he definitely has a different type preference than me.
I prefer a sporty, well build, sleek, medium sized herding dog. Whereas he's likely to get some sort of scruffy little shelter mutt. He likes smallish dogs, with mustaches, and that will enjoy cuddling with him and are relatively low maintenance beyond that.
They're all competition dogs (were or currently are) so they are his and hers. I have Kastle, Eden, Limit, Jentry, and he has Bones and Ickky. Eden is the one that is a floater and goes with either/both of us. The rest train on an extremely regular basis with one of us so they are more bonded to that person. Right now DH is doing the helper work on Bones, and I'm handling him - and then he handles him in obedience - but Bones has figured out when he's "mine" and when he's "his". Ickky is more or less mine now LOL He is retired now and he still tends to listen better to DH, but he's turned into my house pet/snuggle buddy/sometimes we play in protection and obedience so I can see how a good dog works - dog. LOL
The 4 border collies we have had since we were married (still have 2) are definitely my dogs. I compete with them, I walk them, I feed them, I look after them. They are 100% my dogs.
The Brittany is definitely my husbands dog. They go hunting and to field trials and on long country walks (the collies never go with them). However I also walk her on weekday mornings with my dogs. And I compete with her in agility when she is free. I kind of consider her my "step-dog" It isn't the same as the collies. If we ever separated no one would fight over the dogs. We might fight over who got stuck with the cat though!
The Brittany is definitely my husbands dog. They go hunting and to field trials and on long country walks (the collies never go with them). However I also walk her on weekday mornings with my dogs. And I compete with her in agility when she is free. I kind of consider her my "step-dog"
It isn't the same as the collies. If we ever separated no one would fight over the dogs. We might fight over who got stuck with the cat though!