Grrrr....

[nancy2394]

You know... I love my husband but sometimes he makes me so dang mad I could just hang him from the highest tree and beat him senseless....lol.

He's been starting new projects before finishing others he's already started. Last night he decides he's going to paint the game room. That is where we keep the dog kennels. The paint fumes were strong. I headed off to bed around 2:30am and told him he'd better drag the kennels into the kitchen because I didn't want him putting the dogs out there with those paint fumes.

I KNOW my husband very well and knew he'd just agree with me and tell me what I wanted to hear but then do what he wanted after the fact. So, I looked right at him and said "Promise me you won't put the dogs out there with those paint fumes" He looked at me and said he wasn't going to bed anytime soon and that the paint smell would go away. I looked at him again and said "there is no way those paint fumes are going to go away anytime tonight... DO NOT put the dogs out there tonight" He agrees and I go off to bed.

I got up at 8am and got up expecting the dogs to be in their kennels even though he promised me they wouldn't be put out there tonight. But to my surprise they greeted me at my bedroom door. TJ was already up. I couldn't decide if he got up earlier than me to let the dogs out of their kennels so I wouldn't know he hadn't followed through with his promise to keep the dogs out of the game room. I thought maybe he had slept out on the couch to keep an eye on the dogs because he didn't feel like dragging their kennels in the kitchen.

Well, I thought I smelled dog pee. He assured me it was just the paint fumes lingering... gee... wasn't he the one that said they would go away last night I said "are you sure the dogs didn't pee last night since you kept them out of their kennels" He said he was sure they hadn't peed. That got me thinking he was hiding something from me. I came right out and said "where did the dogs sleep last night" And he tells me in their kennels. I was so ticked off. I accused him of being a liar. I told him his promises mean nothing to me now.

I know it may seem like a silly thing to get mad about... but I am thoroughly ticked off right now. I got a head ache from the paint fumes last night and had to take motrin and escape to my bedroom with the door closed just to get away from the fumes. Those poor dogs had to sleep in a room with fresh pain. It would have been bad enough with just the regular paint... but he also used spray paint for this steel shelf thing he wanted black. The fumes were horrible!

 

[Renee750il]

Heheheh . . . . Nancy, sounds like TJ reverted to being a little kid . . . . no wonder you're POed. It's irritating when you get patronized and then fibbed to over something like that.

 

[nancy2394]

Heheheh . . . . Nancy, sounds like TJ reverted to being a little kid . . . . no wonder you're POed. It's irritating when you get patronized and then fibbed to over something like that.

What gets me is that he KNOWS how I feel about lying and yet he does revert to being a little kid with the stupid fibs he feeds me. He sees nothing wrong with it. He doesn't even consider it lying

I have a hard time feeling like I can depend on him 100% for anything. This is just one of many examples. He doesn't follow through with anything he says he is going to. I'm pretty bad at things like that.... but if I promise to do something.. I will definately do it.

If I leave him a note asking him to pay a bill or make a phone call for something important that couldn't wait until I got off work or woke up from sleeping after working all night... I'd like to be able to know he will do it. But I would honestly have to say that 8 out of 10 times he won't do it. He'll say "oh, I forgot about that" or "I didn't have time yet" or some other lame excuse... when he knows I'm going to ask him about it the second I see him or talk to him.

Am I expecting too much to think he will keep his word? I hate not being able to depend on him for stuff. Something as simple as going to the store with a list of items. Even if the items are clearly listed on a piece of paper... I know he's going to come back missing stuff on the list. I just don't get it.

We haven't had a good argument in a long time.. I guess it's time for one. Because I am stewing over this and wanna rip his head off about it. It would be best for him to avoid me today

 

[Renee750il]

Sounds like maybe TJ is resenting something and this might be his passive-aggressive way of dealing with it. Finding out what's REALLY bothering him might help him curb this behavior and learn to talk to you instead of doing things to drive you nuts until the two of you have an argument over stuff that isn't the issue at all just to clear the air some.

 

[LorriF]

It certainly sounds really frustrating! I would be cheesed in your situation too. One thing that Andrew likes to say to me is "you can tell me what to do, or how to do it, you can't do both". Maybe your hubby doesn't follow through because he knows that it will be wrong anyway, or he will get questioned about it regardless, so it is his way of dealing with that. I know that if I give Andrew "too much direction" (can there ever be enough? LOL) he starts getting like that. But if I take a step back and just leave him to do it on his own, in his own way, he does get it done. Sometimes it takes a lot longer, or it isn't exactly the way that I would do it, but he makes the effort and that is what matters.

 

[Renee750il]

OH!!! LORRI!!!! So good to see you! ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

 

[nancy2394]

Sounds like maybe TJ is resenting something and this might be his passive-aggressive way of dealing with it. Finding out what's REALLY bothering him might help him curb this behavior and learn to talk to you instead of doing things to drive you nuts until the two of you have an argument over stuff that isn't the issue at all just to clear the air some.

he's been like this for as long as I've known him (almost 19 years) You'd think I'd get used to it by now. We talk about everything... unless I am mad and I revert to a little girl and "ignore" him.

He's just a very passive type B personality and I am the complete opposite. I am very organized and structured and plan ahead. He just doesn't see it as an important thing to do what you say you are going to do.

 

[LorriF]

OH!!! LORRI!!!! So good to see you! ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

hi Renee! I haven't been on here in ages, but I am avoiding laundry right now....

 

[LorriF]

he's been like this for as long as I've known him (almost 19 years) You'd think I'd get used to it by now. We talk about everything... unless I am mad and I revert to a little girl and "ignore" him.

He's just a very passive type B personality and I am the complete opposite. I am very organized and structured and plan ahead. He just doesn't see it as an important thing to do what you say you are going to do.

that sounds familiar....Andrew and I are like that too. I've just had to learn to kind of let stuff go and not let it bother me. It does help when I try to look at it from his perspective too. It helps that now I work with a lady who is like me, and I can see how it feels to be on the receiving end

 

[nancy2394]

It certainly sounds really frustrating! I would be cheesed in your situation too. One thing that Andrew likes to say to me is "you can tell me what to do, or how to do it, you can't do both". Maybe your hubby doesn't follow through because he knows that it will be wrong anyway, or he will get questioned about it regardless, so it is his way of dealing with that. I know that if I give Andrew "too much direction" (can there ever be enough? LOL) he starts getting like that. But if I take a step back and just leave him to do it on his own, in his own way, he does get it done. Sometimes it takes a lot longer, or it isn't exactly the way that I would do it, but he makes the effort and that is what matters.

I'm not sure it's a problem of telling him what to do or how to do it. I really think it comes to being lazy or just not caring or seeing something as being important. I think the reason he put the dogs out in the paint fumes was because he was too tired to drag the kennels in the kitchen and he didn't want to worry about them peeing on the floor or tearing anything up if they were left to roam the house freely.

The example of the shopping list.... well... he'll say "I'm going to walmart, do you need anything?" I'll make him a list because without one.. he will NOT remember anything I needed. So, I might put a handful of things on that list and there has never been a time he's come home with everything on the list.

Or he won't come home with the right thing because he won't pay attention to what he is grabbing. I just want to be able to depend on him. That I can take his word at face value and know I can count on his word to be what he says it's going to be.

If I take the sheets off the bed and wash them but don't have time to dry them and put them back on the bed because I have to work and he's going to be home all evening... I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to toss them into the dryer and then put them back on the bed so when I come home I can just crawl into bed. Does he ever do it.... no, of course not. He'll be too tired to even put another set of sheets on the bed and will just throw a blanket over the mattress and sleep on that Knowing fully that I don't rest well with an unmade bed... so now I'm exhausted from working all night and have to follow through with what he said he would do.

I guess he can't do anything right in my eyes today... all the more reason he ought to just avoid being around me because I think I'm trying to pick a fight with him now because of stewing over this and remembering all the other things that bug me.

I wonder if I'm having a hormone surge because I feel like clawing someone's eyeballs out :yikes: Well, not just anyone eyeballs... HIS :lol-sign:

Oh, I'll get over it. I just need time to stew on it and then put it behind me. I knew he was like this before I married him... it was just something I accepted about him. He's not perfect, but he's mine and I love him. I just wish he could be more responsible....grrrrr

 

[Renee750il]

hi Renee! I haven't been on here in ages, but I am avoiding laundry right now....

You should avoid the laundry more often

 

[nancy2394]

Well, I guess it wasn't time for us to have a big blow out fight because all is well now. I was being a brat and ignoring him and it was driving him crazy so he came in and apologized. I wasn't really looking for an apology... more of an acknowledgement that he didn't follow through with what he said.

He still doesn't see what he did was wrong. We will never agree on it... so I guess we've agreed to just disagree.