Forgive and Forget?

[Buddy'sParents]

How likely are you able to forgive and forget?

I'm a pretty easy going person. I don't like to hold grudges, though it takes time for me to get over things that were said/done and truly hurt me. But, if I get shaken to my core.. by something someone has done/said.. it's hard for me to bounce back and be all hunky dory with them.

Back in high school I was stalked and my life was threatened but an old, very troubled friend. He asked that we continue on a forgive and forget basis and I was just not able to. I was able to forgive him, he was surely troubled, but I would never forget the rage in his eyes, nor the attempts and threats- on my life.

Hmm. Also in first year of college my then boyfriend and I became talk of the town (small towns suck sometimes) and a nasty rumor went flying around. The rumor was so below me and my standards for my own life that it was silly for anyone to believe, but it hurt that someone would try to hurt me so badly. When I found out who it was- well. *takes a moment to compose herself* I was red with rage. It had been a close friend and her mother. Time healed the wounds and she's now my best friend. Funny how some things work out.

There have been other times and things that I've not forgotten or forgiven, and my heart is heavy with them, but I've not been able to work past them yet. I try to rise above though and remain decent and well-behaved.

You?

 

[jess2416]

It depends on what the issue was and the person....

but yes I'm not ashamed to admit it ,but I do hold grudges...

 

[Buckshot]

I let folks walk all over me until I get fed up, then that bridge goes up in an inferno never to be crossed again...I wish I wasnt like that

 

[squirtsmom]

I haven't forgiven the boy who killed walter.

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

hmm..I am a pretty forgiving soul....it takes a lot to push me over the edge. As for holding grudges--it would have to be something major for me to keep a grudge for a long time.

 

[drmom777]

Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another. I can't help but be forever wary of someone who has hurt me.

 

[ACooper]

I forgive and sort of forget, I do continue on with the friendship/work relationship/ or whatever the case may be. I guess it depends on the amount of hurt that came with the issue on how well I can truly forget.

I have never been in your position Nikki, and honestly I doubt I could do any better with it (or even as well) as you have done.

 

[Buddy'sParents]

drmom makes a good point... when I trust in someone, they get everything- all of me (this applies to friends not just my husband ) and when I'm burned that trust goes out the window. So it can take awhile to get back to a dual existence. I am forever loyal to me and mine and when they (or myself) are hurt, it can be a scary thing to be on the receiving end of my fury, heck, it scares me. I am always wary and have my guard up until, well, if and when, I can trust that person again. I guess I'm more complicated than I thought.

 

[ToscasMom]

I'm pretty good about forgiving, to be honest. Just don't do it to me twice.

 

[CelticxConnections]

I might forgive but I never forget even for what seems like little things. It depends on the person and the context of what they said/did that decides if I forgive. Generally I do forgive but some people best watch out.

One of my friends has offended me many times, I forgave him but still if we are ever on some of the subjects he has offended me over (the usefulness of sciecne; said it was not useful enough to give government money to, astronomy; said anyone who wants to major in it is stupid don't know if he knew I was thinking about that as my major, his parents have a harder time than mine and therefore he is worse off; I said it was going to be hard for my parents to put me through school he went off about how I don't need to complain because he has it worse when we are both in about the same situation) I think he will regret it.

To this day I still have a grude against one of my cousins who, after I told was not to get my bike dirty, brought my bike home covered in mud. I later had to clean the bike. Plus she's really anoying and pushy, and bossy.

Several uber religous kids who have rubbed me the wrong way. One (a 7 year old) told me I was stupid. Another, who I got to school with, who as called science a waste of time, said I have anger issues after I chased down and kicked a friend(looong story), and fought with a teacher. I just can't forgive him, what is weirdest is I decided I didn't like him when he fought (or "debated" in his mind) with the teacher.

Oh and a this fat cow that lives in my town who happened to see Baron attack another dog (total fluke, Baron pushed passed me when I opened our gate) Did NOT do anything besides tell me (a 13 year old) that I need to put my dog down and telling the owner I needed to be sued. I swear to this day if I ever find her there will be major issues if she has already died.

And the dog in the last story was fine and the owner forgave me. She understood at least.

 

[drmom777]

I try really, really hard to forgive. Truthfully, I don't think I ever have forgiven the drunk who killed my parents, and it's been over twenty years. I know I should, and I think I have reached the point where it would be safe to leave me in the same room with him, but true forgiveness, no way.

 

[ToscasMom]

dr, I am not so sure I could forgive that either.

 

[Aussie Red]

I am a very forgiving person but as a person I have limits. I do hold a grudge and sometimes have never spoken to a person again. Some things are just not forgivable.

 

[sparks19]

It depends.

If it was a one time thing.... I am usually fine to move on with life. Life is too short to hold a grudge.... for the most part.

But I will never be totally forgiving of my sister. i will never forget some of the things that happened between us. it seems that when I do forgive and forget that is when I got burned by her again. Perhaps she really is a different person now. She seems to have changed for the most part.... but I will never be able to truly open myself up to trust her ever again. Fool me once shame on you.... Fool me twice, three times, four times etc etc shame on me. So if there is a pattern of hurtful things done by a single person than no I am not going to forgive and forget.

 

[Emmalee]

I forgive but I never forget...

 

[RetrieverLove]

Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another. I can't help but be forever wary of someone who has hurt me.

This basically sums me up!

 

[bubbatd]

I've gotten more thick skinned with aging ...so it really depends on the situation . If it's a petty thing , it's not worth my dueling on it . In the death of parents or husband ( or any loss of family or even pets ).... I could never forgive or forget . In both these cases have the drivers come forth to either one of you to ask forgiveness ?? I would have to dig deep if they were really repentant ...........( thinking of Christ on the cross ) , but of couse you never forget the pain they have caused .

 

[Zoom]

I'll forgive and set most things aside. Depending on the severity, I'll forget and things will be fine. Others I just keep a mental tally of, in case they should ever do me wrong again. Once that happens, I'm very quick to write people off.

 

[tessa_s212]

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget" is only another way of saying, "I will not forgive." Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note-torn in two and burned up so that it never can be shown against one. - Henry Ward Beecher

I'm a very forgiving person. If you apologize and are sincerely wrong, you have my forgiveness. Love keeps no records of wrongs. I will not hold a grudge, bring it up time and time again against someone or hold anger. If I forgive, I forget. Not necessarily literally, but though I may remember, I do not hold those past mistakes against a person.

I forgive and I "forget". If I cannot do both, than I cannot truly forgive because somewhere inside of me I will still be holding that hurt and pain. Forgive, forget, and leave past judgment and mistakes where they belong: in the past. And if they don't deserve to be left in the past either because it is "unforgivable" or they have no guilt or said any apologies, then so be it.

Either way, I think we all can agree on that hate, anger and grudges are a prolonged form of suicide: it will only slowly kill a person inside. Love is forgiveness, and forgiveness is to love.. we are all human, and we all need to recieve and give love to be healthy in an emotional standpoint.

 

[MelissaCato]

I forgive all the time, I just never forget their names.