EEEK crisis!! Help please?!?

[ma-vie-en-vert]

So Alexa has always been super super hyper, and I've had quite a few people tell me that it was probably anxiety. I always thought, what the heck could be stressing her out? And well, I found out, and it's bad.

My brother has asperger's syndrome, and I guess whenever he gets mad, he takes it out on Alexa. My mom caught him hitting her the other day. I completely lost it on him. I asked him why he does it and he said its just cuz he hates her. Like he's 11 years old, sure he has asperger's, but he should know better than that. I've tried talking to him and telling him he can't do it, asking him how he'd like it if I beat him up whenever I got angry. And he says he won't do it again, and then someone in my family will catch him doing it again.

Now, is there any way I can fix this? Any advice? If I could I'd keep Alexa at my boyfriend's place, but his parents own the house he's living in, and they don't exactly like it. I have no idea what to do.

Help?

 

[drmom777]

I have a similar problem in that my daughter has also been violent with the dogs. There is no way for a dog to understand...you absolutley have to find a way to protect her. Make sure she and your brother are never, ever alone together. I know how hard this is, I have it too.

((((HUGS))))

 

[Sweet72947]

Buy a deadbolt lock and lock her in your room when you're gone so that he can't get to her, that's what I'd do.

 

[bubbatd]

This definitely needs to be addressed . He should never be alone with the dog .

 

[Sweet72947]

Also, what if she bites him one day? That could make him angrier...

 

[ma-vie-en-vert]

Buy a deadbolt lock and lock her in your room when you're gone so that he can't get to her, that's what I'd do.

I would, but I can't. I don't have a "room" at my parents anymore since I'm living with my grandma. My sister has my room now.

I should ask my boyfriend if I can keep her in her crate at his house during the day. Maybe then his parents would agree to having her there. Cuz they don't mind her there once in a while. Then at lunch I can bring her out and play with her and take her to go to the bathroom and then I'm done school at 3:30 so she'll be out with me while I'm there, and then my boyfriend can put her back in when he leaves for work in the morning. I'd do this at my parents, but my mom would never follow along with it, she's horrible when it comes to spoiling Alexa and when I'm trying to train her. Would that be mean to do that though?

Like there's no way at home that I can keep her away from my brother at all times. The house is a complete disaster zone because my parents are doing renovations and just, ack. I can't think of any way to keep her seperated while he's home. And I'm not always home all the time either, so yeah. And no offence to my mother, I love her dearly, but she's kinda dumb when it comes to stuff like this. She'd let my brother around the dog and wouldn't think anything of it and just. AHHHH.

(breathe)

 

[Sweet72947]

I should ask my boyfriend if I can keep her in her crate at his house during the day. Maybe then his parents would agree to having her there. Cuz they don't mind her there once in a while. Then at lunch I can bring her out and play with her and take her to go to the bathroom and then I'm done school at 3:30 so she'll be out with me while I'm there, and then my boyfriend can put her back in when he leaves for work in the morning. I'd do this at my parents, but my mom would never follow along with it, she's horrible when it comes to spoiling Alexa and when I'm trying to train her. Would that be mean to do that though?

I think this sounds like a good idea. I don't think its mean to Alexa to crate her at all. I think it would be much worse to come home one day to "beloved family dog mauls child" if Alexa decides she isn't gonna take it anymore.

 

[ma-vie-en-vert]

Also, what if she bites him one day? That could make him angrier...

I can tell you right now, she'd never ever ever bite him. If it was a stranger who hit her, then maybe yeah. She never protects herself, it's always about protecting someone else. I think he'd probably be able to beat her half to death before she realized it and started protecting herself. Because it's him, it's a member of the family and she knows that. I think she honestly thinks that whenever he does it, that she's done something wrong.

 

[ma-vie-en-vert]

I think this sounds like a good idea. I don't think its mean to Alexa to crate her at all. I think it would be much worse to come home one day to "beloved family dog mauls child" if Alexa decides she isn't gonna take it anymore.

K. Cuz I know so many people who have mixed feelings on crating their dogs all day. Some people call it neglect, etc. I'll have to talk to my boyfriend about it, but I dunno if he's gonna go for it. His dad is coming into town tomorrow too, so I'll ask him about it as well. I also can't leave her outside either (even though she loves it out there), with out winters it's just not practical. Plus she's a velcro dog, lol. So that option is out too.

 

[ma-vie-en-vert]

Also, sorry, not meaning to like triple post here, is there any way that I can help Alexa get over it? Like she's sooo high strung and just... crazy hyper because she's worrying about everything. I took her for a nice long run in the snow (she loves the snow) with her new puppy friend (one of my best girlfriends just got a pyrenees) and she seemed okay, but now she's just depressed.

Ugh, this makes me feel dumb.

 

[lizzybeth727]

I think that if you keep her separated from your brother to the point where he never has the chance to hit her, she will begin to feel safer and probably come out of her shell. It would also be a good idea to do some positive reinforcement (perferably clicker) training just to help her gain confidence and have some fun.

And it's way better for her to be inside a crate all day, and safe, than be out of a crate most of the time and risk getting beaten!

 

[ma-vie-en-vert]

I've actually been thinking about starting clicker training with her to polish up the stuff she kinda already knows and to help with the stuff she's struggling with (like her recall, it's horrible, but I guess we know why that is now )

I checked out the clicker 101 sticky, so I'll start with that.

Thanks for the help guys.

 

[ihartgonzo]

Would that be mean to do that though?

Ummm... definitely not as mean as leaving her out to be beat up at random! D:

I would lock her in a crate with a padlock before leaving her out around your brother unsupervised. YOU do not know that your dog wouldn't bite your brother to protect herself. Every dog, no matter how sweet, has a breaking point. And, honestly, I wouldn't blame her for biting. No one is protecting her, so it's perfectly logical that she would protect herself.

How is your Mom handling your brother? Asperger's or not, his actions really should have a consequence. Maybe it would help if you got your brother to help take care of Alexa. Simple things like brushing her, feeding her, training her, and going on walks with you and her. Animals can be very theraputic.

 

[Doberluv]

I can tell you right now, she'd never ever ever bite him.

Wrong. ALL dogs have teeth and all dogs can bite. All dogs have a threshold, some have a higher threshold than others. Since dogs are animals and are extremely successful from an evolutionary standpoint, you better believe she could certainly bite him. Don't let your esteem of your dog get in the way of the fact that she is a dog and all dogs can bite and will if the conditions are just right.

Maybe it would help if you got your brother to help take care of Alexa. Simple things like brushing her, feeding her, training her, and going on walks with you and her. Animals can be very theraputic.

Excellent idea.

She must be kept safe or re-homed. I'm so sorry for your troubles.

 

[ma-vie-en-vert]

How is your Mom handling your brother? Asperger's or not, his actions really should have a consequence. Maybe it would help if you got your brother to help take care of Alexa. Simple things like brushing her, feeding her, training her, and going on walks with you and her. Animals can be very theraputic.

I've tried getting him to help with things, and he's just not interested, at all. The other day he yelled and screamed at me how much he hated Alexa just because she got ahold of some toy of his because HE left it out.

I really have no idea what my mom has been doing. Sometimes she gets pretty bad with Alexa too. Like doesn't hit her, ever, but yells at her when she's in her way or does something wrong, expecting her to understand. I've told both of them that she's just a dog and you can't possibly expect her to understand everything you're saying to her. And most of the time when she does "something wrong" in their eyes, its usually their fault because they left something out where she could get at it, forgot about it, and then found it wrecked, or eaten, or something like that. They don't understand that they have to be proactive, not reactive. If you don't want her to get at your toys, put them away. If you don't want her getting into the garbage can, keep the lid on it, etc. Drives me crazy. Like she's not perfectly trained by any means, and them just getting angry and yelling at her is making things worse, not better.

I talked with my boyfriend today though, and he talked with his parents, and I think they might be okay with Alexa being here as long as she's either crated, or stays in the porch when we're not home. I'm so happy. I really hope this works out.

 

[Doberluv]

Oh wow. The situation at home doesn't sound good at all and could really cause some psychological problems in your dog. That is good news that your b.f's parents will go for this. Terrific. Let us know how it all turns out.

 

[ma-vie-en-vert]

So, well, Alexa's at the boyfriend's now!!

We're having some problems getting her used to the new rules in the house, but I think it'll turn out okay. If only the little siamese cat creature would stop antagonizing her. Both this cat, and Alexa are very jealous, and they'll go to all lengths to bother eachother if we're giving either of them attention. Kind of getting to be a pain.

And Alexa is not being herself and kind of showing signs of separation anxiety? Christmas eve she just wouldn't sleep until my boyfriend and I let her out of the little porch area (which is where she sleeps or spends her time when we're not home) and sat with her and slept in the living room with her. It was really weird. Usually when she's spent the night she doesn't mind staying in the porch. Maybe just sensed the x-mas stress?

I dunno. I'll update more as time progresses.