1. Yelling at me for barking...I'M A FRIGGING DOG! 2. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 3. Blaming your farts on me...not funny. 4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...STOP IT! 5. Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet? 6. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't mastered that handshake thing yet. 7. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt? 8. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. You're just jealous. 9. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew our poo up when you're not home. 10. Taking me to the vet for the "Big Snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back there. 11. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? 12. The sleight of hand. Fake, fetch, throw. You fooled a dog!!! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.