The Dog’s Dictionary Dog Bed: Any soft, clean surface—such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room. Sniff: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close to the other dog’s rear end and inhale deeply. Repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. Deafness: A malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly, running in the other direction, or lying down. Thunder: A signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms. It is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels. Wastebaskets: A toy filled with paper, tissue, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the trash all over the house. Sofas: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating, it is polite to rub up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean. Bath: A process by which the humans drench the floors, walls, and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently. Love: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky, a human will love you in return.