Dog that is selective with people

[BerryBye]

When I got my dog as a 6 month old, he had some severe shyness issues, and although (a year later) he is doing wonderfully he does have some minor issues.

One of his quirks is that he is very selective about who he lets touch him. Over time he has continued to let more and more of my friends and family into his circle and I am thrilled by this, but some people continue to make rude (and disturbing) comments towards him.

One example, we were at a cottage on the weekend and someone complimented him on being an obedient dog, and then someone else chimed in “that dog is not obedient, he won’t even let me touch himâ€.

So I guess this is a bit of a rant. Why is it that people think that they have a “right†to touch/crowd animals and pets. I have witnessed an alarming amount of grabbing at him, or trying to corner him to hold him etc when these people think I’m not looking. These people are actually really bothered by the fact that this dog does not "accept" them – and they want to use force to try and make him “get over itâ€, despite my tireless efforts to teach them otherwise. They seem obsessed with the notion that he is weird or a bad dog because he doesn’t befriend every single person he meets. And they are deeply offended that he will cuddle with person A, but not let person B touch him.

Is there anyone else out there, who feels this way? Why do people take it SO personally?

 

[Laurelin]

People respond to Mia the exact same way. Mia doesn't warm up to people that try to force her to warm up to them. She has hurt people's feelings before (and usually they end up mad at ME like it's my fault).

 

[Lossalfling]

noone should have a right to crowd anyone or anything. This is how people wind up getting bite and the animals suffer for it. they dont wanna be crowded and defend themselves:/ To be honest someone got me in a corner and was petting me against my will , I have the right to defend myself and get them thrown in jail.. why should it be diffrent for animals?

 

[BerryBye]

Exactly!

Why don't people get it? I usually try saying "just pretend he is a shy two year old kid. You wouldn’t force a two year old to give you a hug if he clearly did not want to". That occasionally gets people to calm down/not be as offended.

I feel like people think I’m lying or babying my dog, and that’s why they always push it or try and grab at him when I’m not looking to see for themselves. I find it aggressive and disrespectful.

Do you guys have any other things to say to try and get people to just leave your dogs alone, and not feel snubbed/angry at you/or think negatively towards the dog?

 

[HayleyMarie]

Augh thats what bother me as well, people think they have a right to touch your dog when in fact they don't.

Teagan is aloof with people. Yesturday I got a comment from a person who tried to coax her to come to him and when she didnt come he said "oh well she hates people"

But I like this about my dog. She is a terrier and she is not going to have a heart attack of excitment when they see a new person. The are resurved and aloof with people that is their nature. But she also in not shy in anyway.

 

[corgipower]

Do you guys have any other things to say to try and get people to just leave your dogs alone, and not feel snubbed/angry at you/or think negatively towards the dog?

Nope. I usually go with the snubbing.

If this is something that's happening at home ~ like with visitors ~ maybe just put the dog in another room while they're there.

 

[Renee750il]

I usually remark back that she/he (whichever dog I've got with me) is pretty discerning.

No one is entitled to be liked -- or even accepted by me or my dogs. You earn that.

 

[elegy]

Steve is like this. He's shy by nature, and while he likes a lot of people (I'd even say most people), there are people who scare him. Mostly they're large people who stare at him and loom over him. Large people who are dog-savvy don't upset him (the head of our flyball team is super tall and I worried about how Steve would be with him but he loved him immediately because he knew how to relate to Steve), so I think it's primarily the staring/looming.

I have a coworker who fits into the large and looming category. Steve Does Not Like her. It is her mission in life for some reason to *make* Steve like her. I am going to be so effing angry if she pushes him into biting her because she's trying to force him to make friends (he's kenneled in the back some days when he goes to physical therapy over lunch or when I know I won't be able to make it home over lunch so he's not always under my direct supervision).

 

[Laurelin]

Mia is just fine with dog savvy people. But so many people want to FORCE her to like them, it's silly. She's not nearly as anti-people as Trey was but she doesn't like people that stare or make sudden movements towards her. Dog people know to let HER call the shots and warm up to them on her own time. She'll warm up to most people pretty quickly if given her space.

 

[JacksonsMom]

I have the SAME problem. Jackson is very shy and selective with his people. Our family he LOVES to pieces (even family members he only sees once every few months). Once he gets to know you, he will love you FOREVER. But when out and about in public, he's very shy and does not necessarily like people just coming down to pet him. He prefers to go up and sniff them first. He's gotten a lot better and we work on it all the time (I try to always bring treats with me) but it does annoy me when people seem to take offense and not listen to a word I say (I try to tell them he likes it better when you go under his chin, rather than above his above, or give him a treat, or get down on his level). Some people just don't understand! I actually have come across more rude adults than children. Most kids will come up to me and say 'can I pet your dog?' and I really appreciate that.

 

[adojrts]

Personally I don't give a rat's a$$ is someone is offended because my dog isn't in their lap stroking their ego. Especially if it is a shy dog that I am working very hard to get them over their issues.
I will politely ask them not to touch the dog............period and then they can assist me by following my direction and working within the dog's comfort zone. If they are offended, too bad. The well fare of the dog comes first especially when you are trying to be confidence.

 

[BerryBye]

It’s really good to hear from other owners who are dealing with similar situations (although I’m sorry you have to deal with frustrating people).

Sometimes I do put him away when particularly annoying people come over, but I also feel like that isn’t fair to the dog. I mean come on, you’re an adult – why can’t you just stop obsessing and ignore my dog, it’s really not that big of a deal.

Jaksonsmom – that is what drives me crazy too! I’ll give clear instructions like only touch under his head. And they do, for literally one second and then they want to be able to scratch his head and ears, which is moving way too fast! Why don’t people just listen to the instructions they are given?

Don’t even get me started about the situations where he is friendly the first time they came over, and then forgets them and is shy again when they come back. Then I get the “what’s his problem†comments and I want to explode!

I always try and stay positive/patient with people as much as possible, because I want to at least try and educate them so that they know how to deal with the next shy dog they meet. Some people however, are just…I don’t know what it is…have a low self esteem and are controlling/ignorant?

Regardless, I love my dog, and considering how far he has come in the year I’ve had him, I couldn’t be prouder of him! It’s the people who have the tendency to try and force dogs to like them that I feel sorry for.