Discipline

[SarahFair]

I have a 2 year old and as some of you know 2 year olds like to test their boundaries..
I was wondering what your discipline techniques are/were.
Spankings?
Timeouts?

I try to use time out but sometimes a spanking, IMO, is called for. Now its not like I am taking a belt to him but giving him a little pop on the fanny to get the message through that 'No you can NOT pull the oven door open'.
What do yall use that you know will work??

 

[HoundedByHounds]

That age?
First thing, set them up to succeed, IOW think in advance and if certain things like bedtime or choosing between this or that set them off...try to plan ahead and diffuse it before it occurs.

time outs...but ONLY if you enforce them and they work for your child.

Reward systems IF they understand, some kids don't fully understand the cause n effect thing yet at 2.

I do spank but never did it at that young an age.

 

[Gempress]

I got a combination of spankings and time-outs. My sister uses the same thing for my niece, beginning when she was around 2 years old. I intend to do the same for any future children I have.

 

[Angel Chicken]

I took a parenting class a few years ago. It basically was about how to discipline your child effectively without being physical. They actually DID agree that spanking is indeed a punishment, but it is the worst of all punishments.

For instance,say your child throws a tantrum in the store... that's when you take them out to the car, and basically let them throw their tantrum... however, instead of saying "Your NEVER going back to the store with me", say "We'll sit out here until your done crying. Maybe, just maybe if your good for the rest of the time in the store, we can get you _________". Setting up reward systems is a fantastic way to get your child to behave. Make a chart with each day of the week. For each day they are good, they get a star... also throw in little "chores" your kiddo can do... for instance drying the dishes or folding some laundry (easy things for a 2 year old) or picking up their room. For each chore they complete, they get a star.

Now here is the fun part. Make yourself up a prize box. Put all sorts of little things in it... candy, little pencils, small toys. After each week, if they get X amount of stars (I always did 5 stars a week for Johnny), they get a little prize. Then put on the chart if s/he is good for TWO weeks (I determined this with 10 stars) they get to do something special... you take them out to get a big toy, take them on a fun activity, etc... you catch my drift?

Spanking... now this is where alot of people get scared. Truth is, there is no reason to be... all you have to do is adjust your own discipline system a little bit. Here we only spank for the harshest of offences, like putting themselves in danger, hurting themselves or another... this is the only time our kiddos will get spanked, and they know this. Therefore they are generally good to each other. Any other time they either get A) Grounded for a few hours/1 day, or B) Time out, in the naughty chair, with a timer. If they cry at ALL, the timer is reset.

I hope this helps. Maybe look into going to a parenting class yourself? I highly recommend it.

 

[SarahFair]

Ya I do want to make it clear that I ONLY spank if he is in danger..
If he is not being nice to another kid I will not spank him b/c I dont want to think that if the other kid is being bad he gets to 'spank' him/her also..
Should I have one designated chair for timeout? Usually I just put him in what ever chair is closest..
Heres a some pics of them
Beau

Peanut butter is on his face

Ashton

After a bath

 

[Storee's Mom]

Consistancy is the best thing to remember. My son is 2.5 and very busy, but he knows he cannot get away with too much with me, so it's not too bad usually. I find giving him the choice to change his behavior and counting seems to work for most things. I try to give him the reasoning behind why he isn't allowed to do something and that works too, even if it seems silly. When you can, set him up to succeed, if he keeps getting into candy for example, move the candy dish. My SIL used to always whine about her son getting into candy but had five dishes of it on the one level....

And chores are great too, they like to feel like they are bigger and did a good job at things. A wet cloth and a squirt bottle and they can wash walls, let them unload their stuff from the dishwasher......

Lana

 

[Gempress]

IFor instance,say your child throws a tantrum in the store... that's when you take them out to the car, and basically let them throw their tantrum... however, instead of saying "Your NEVER going back to the store with me", say "We'll sit out here until your done crying. Maybe, just maybe if your good for the rest of the time in the store, we can get you _________". Setting up reward systems is a fantastic way to get your child to behave. Make a chart with each day of the week. For each day they are good, they get a star... also throw in little "chores" your kiddo can do... for instance drying the dishes or folding some laundry (easy things for a 2 year old) or picking up their room. For each chore they complete, they get a star.

Now here is the fun part. Make yourself up a prize box. Put all sorts of little things in it... candy, little pencils, small toys. After each week, if they get X amount of stars (I always did 5 stars a week for Johnny), they get a little prize. Then put on the chart if s/he is good for TWO weeks (I determined this with 10 stars) they get to do something special... you take them out to get a big toy, take them on a fun activity, etc... you catch my drift?

I agree with all of your post except this part. I don't agree with a blatant reward system for good behavior. I feel as if my child should behave because it's an expected part of life, not because he or she gets a special reward for it.

I think that by giving a child a treat, that gives the impression that being good is a *special* thing, and it shouldn't be. It's just part of living. You don't reward a child for NOT playing with the stove, right? So why give her a reward for NOT being a brat?

I feel that a child needs to learn that good behavior is its own reward. For example, if a child plays nice, he gets to keep playing. But if he doesn't, he goes on time-out. Rewards need to be saved for something truly special, not day-to-day living.

 

[Debi]

I agree with Gempress. no prizes for good behavior. it should be praised, but not rewarded with gifts. it should be expected as natural behavior. at age 2, I'd redirect attention. spanking is lost on a toddler and TO ME is cruel because they don't understand your anger. a firm 'NO' while redirecting attention always worked for me, and works well with grandson Sammy. (age 2) sure..there are times they need to made aware of danger, however at age 2 I think they should be supervised constantly....so there really shouldn't be 'danger'. time-outs work. it takes great patience sometimes, but it is always better than spanking. tantrums I ignored....they simply stopped. it's never fun if nobody is watching. older kids...sent to their room. I never would hit a child. I know..it's all a matter of opinion when parenting is concerned, but I just never found it necessary.

 

[PixieSticksandTricks]

When my nephews and neices misbehaved at 2 years old depending on how bad it was got a slap on the hand or a spanking. Almost always a slap on the hand. Spankings more or less the sound scared them because they could hardly feel it through their diapers. Occasionally their little hands would turn red from a smack. But it worked for all them and I will do the same with my future children.

 

[Angel Chicken]

I agree with all of your post except this part. I don't agree with a blatant reward system for good behavior. I feel as if my child should behave because it's an expected part of life, not because he or she gets a special reward for it.

I think that by giving a child a treat, that gives the impression that being good is a *special* thing, and it shouldn't be. It's just part of living. You don't reward a child for NOT playing with the stove, right? So why give her a reward for NOT being a brat?

I feel that a child needs to learn that good behavior is its own reward. For example, if a child plays nice, he gets to keep playing. But if he doesn't, he goes on time-out. Rewards need to be saved for something truly special, not day-to-day living.

Good points Gemp

Everyone is different, and I understand that, and I know you do too. What works for me may not work for you.

Now-- adding another question to this discussion, how do y'all feel about spanking with a belt and/or paddle? Do you think it's wrong? If you DON'T think it's wrong, why do you think this is an effective way of punishment?

Now-- I want to make it clear that I have indeed spanked my children, but never a beating and I'm far from hurting them, most of the time it's two swats on the bum. I have NEVER touched them with a belt or paddle,and never will, however, my dad was very stern with it when I was a kid. We were scared sh!tless of that paddle on the wall, with holes drilled in it.

Inputs/Thoughts?

 

[Fran27]

I'll never spank... not a solution IMO. Can't imagine ever hurting my kids.

About rewards, I don't like bribes. Bribe your kid to behave at the store with a candy and he will always expect a candy.

 

[skittledoo]

omg *shudders* I was terrified of the belt when I was a kid.... I was terrified of my dad because of it....

 

[Debi]

belt..NO, NO, and NO. never. paddle..NO, NO, and NO.

to be clear, tho, I was not a wimpy parent. I expected good behavior. I found that when I praised my kids, they responded positively. they loved to please. the idea of getting out a belt and using it on any living being is just......wrong. if you've lost control so horribly that you think you (you being just said, not anybody that posted) need to use a belt.....then you have horrible parenting skills to begin with. it all happens in the first 5 years. you set the ground rules, let the child know what is expected in your household, reinforce constantly...via praise, time-outs, lots and lots of 'NO'....but you leave that belt in the closet.

 

[Angel Chicken]

omg *shudders* I was terrified of the belt when I was a kid.... I was terrified of my dad because of it....

See, that is something I'm not down with. I want my kids to know I mean business, but scaring them does no good. Why want your child to shy away from your hand?

 

[Buddy'sParents]

I'll never spank... not a solution IMO. Can't imagine ever hurting my kids.

Agreed. Spanking does nothing except hurt the child and allow the person person performing the action to release their anger over whatever happened to prompt the spanking in the first place. Definitely not an effective way to "discipline".

About rewards, I don't like bribes. Bribe your kid to behave at the store with a candy and he will always expect a candy.

This is where I differ, Fran. A reward-based system can work wonders. I just incorporated a behavior plan for a child in my communicatively handicapped class and it is reward based. It has worked wonderfully so far. I only use the child with special needs as an example, because it's been a learning experience for me and it has worked so well.

Much like what we use with our dogs, the same idea can apply to children. Positive reinforcement works wonderfully... unfortunately so does negative reinforcement.

 

[HoundedByHounds]

Bribe your kid to behave at the store with a candy and he will always expect a candy

My kid's "job" or responsibility, is to behave appropriately, and I have NO issues rewarding good behavior. Immediately or later on.

 

[HoundedByHounds]

It's not a bribe to me..but a paycheck due for what has GOT to be extremely hard work...acting like you are something your are not (a kid acting like a quiet mature adult) at a time you don't want to (a store or restaurant)...for a lot of the time in a day.

Well earned sez I...

I also have no problem dinging a paycheck or whittling it down to an early bedtime, silent lonely dinner, for less than stellar comportment LOL.

 

[SarahFair]

Ok so what do yall think about Soap Sally and Laundry Lee?
lol I bet yall are like 'who?'
So I was at my b/fs grannys house when I heard her say something about 'soap sally' I was like 'who is soap sally?'
She told me she made up this woman that lived out in the barn that was going to come get hunter (beaus cousin) if he didnt behave. I thought that was too funny so I brought Soap Sally home w/ us
Now we have Soap Sally and Laundry Lee and I tell Beau 'You better clean up before I call Soap Sally out here' then I will go 'Soap Saaaaaaaaaa' and beau tells me to hush and hurrys on w/ what I asked.
Is that bad? I put them in the cat. w/ Santa and the easter bunny

I told him that was Soap Sally and Laundry Lee

 

[Debi]

sorry. what's wrong with saying 'do it cause I asked you to', without traumatizing them into thinking there is some evil being 'out there' that's going to get them if they don't. why make some other entity the authority figure? nope...don't like it at all. be the mom or the dad without the crutch.

 

[SarahFair]

I understand what you are saying, but there is also kind of a funny side to it..