Confrontation? lonnnnnnng :)

[4dogs3cats]

I'm a very NON confrontational person. It's very rare for me to express how I am feeling or discuss issues in person. I am MUCH better at doing them via text, or email.

That being said. My cousin, who is a year older than me, and male, lives with me. He moved in with me a year ago, and at that time I had a 3rd roommate as well. We agreed that since there were 3 of us, and he was on unemployment, $350 was reasonable.

Now that was all inclusive. To give you a breakdown:

Rent is $1050
Electric before summer was $100, its approaching $250 now (and he likes it COLD in the house.)
Water is $50 (with or without him. not a big deal)
Internet is $55 (He has a computer and X-Box live)
Dish network satellite TV is $100 (He records shows. I do not. I only use the tv to fall asleep and i dont need it.)

Well, he got a job in March, and I've been meaning to discuss increasing his rent for a month or two now. So I talked to my parents, and they said texting him would not be a bad way to go about it.

Hey Tom, I think I'm gonna have to cancel dish. I really just cant afford it. Also, I know we originally agreed on $350 a month back when we had matt and you were unemployed. realistically, $500 is more appropriate, but I think $450 is reasonable. Especially with the increase in electric in the summer.

And I am DREADING the response.

Like I can't even bring myself to tell him to stop eating the food that I buy. I just hide it in my room. He uses my laundry soap? I hide it in his room.

And before you ask, YES his mother did everything for him up until the day he moved out. The boy cannot load a dishwasher to save his life. he also keeps his room and bathroom a disgusting mess. You cant see yourself in the mirror, and you can find plates under his bed.

Would you put up with this when you're trying to get YOUR life on track? or would you kick him out?

 

[AGonzalez]

Sometimes you just gotta be firm with people or they walk all over you. If he wasn't a relative and it'd cause bad blood, to me that'd be a "you need to do your part or move out" conversation.

Like I did with my ex, I made him pay exactly half of the electric and water bill (our water bill is NOT set, it goes on consumption so it can be $40-100 a month depending) when he failed to pay his half and I was scraping to pay the entire thing, I told him he needed to move. Then his command stepped in and forced him to when they found out my husband (now) was coming to visit.

I do not think it's unreasonable, even for a relative, to ask him to pull his half of the weight around. I wouldn't be vague, I'd sit him down and say what you want/need out of a roommate so there's no misinterpretation. That doesn't mean you have to be rude or anything, but saying "Look, I know that's the agreement we had because you were unemployed and we had a 3rd roommate, but now that that is no longer the case and I'm footing all the bills, I don't really feel that's fair" - be tactful, be nice, and if he blows up after that...it's not your fault.

 

[4dogs3cats]

Sometimes you just gotta be firm with people or they walk all over you. If he wasn't a relative and it'd cause bad blood, to me that'd be a "you need to do your part or move out" conversation.

Like I did with my ex, I made him pay exactly half of the electric and water bill (our water bill is NOT set, it goes on consumption so it can be $40-100 a month depending) when he failed to pay his half and I was scraping to pay the entire thing, I told him he needed to move. Then his command stepped in and forced him to when they found out my husband (now) was coming to visit.

I do not think it's unreasonable, even for a relative, to ask him to pull his half of the weight around. I wouldn't be vague, I'd sit him down and say what you want/need out of a roommate so there's no misinterpretation. That doesn't mean you have to be rude or anything, but saying "Look, I know that's the agreement we had because you were unemployed and we had a 3rd roommate, but now that that is no longer the case and I'm footing all the bills, I don't really feel that's fair" - be tactful, be nice, and if he blows up after that...it's not your fault.

Its hard because his dad lost his business last year, and i took Tommy in to both help me with bills and help them.

He needs to get his act together, but I am really hoping that with me cancelling dish at $100 a month and him paying $100 more a month, I can keep my head above water.

I just HATE confrontation. I cant even say, "Hey Tom when you leave in the morning can you make sure you shut the security screen?" THATS too much for me.

 

[AGonzalez]

I understand, I don't like confronting people either, but I force myself to do it, especially if it's something that is hurting me financially.

I totally get you can't just boot him out on his butt for not paying like you could someone who isn't a relative. But, just telling him what you need from him is your only hope out of it, sometimes opening your mouth rather than your checkbook is the only solution.

OR...even better...see if you can't sit down with him and say basically that you can't afford all of this and if he'd help you sit down and go through bills that you can eliminate...that might be enough of a hint for him to go "Oh, well I want the TV so I'll pay for it" - ya know, show him some evidence of what the bills are and maybe he'll get the hint?

 

[4dogs3cats]

I understand, I don't like confronting people either, but I force myself to do it, especially if it's something that is hurting me financially.

I totally get you can't just boot him out on his butt for not paying like you could someone who isn't a relative. But, just telling him what you need from him is your only hope out of it, sometimes opening your mouth rather than your checkbook is the only solution.

OR...even better...see if you can't sit down with him and say basically that you can't afford all of this and if he'd help you sit down and go through bills that you can eliminate...that might be enough of a hint for him to go "Oh, well I want the TV so I'll pay for it" - ya know, show him some evidence of what the bills are and maybe he'll get the hint?

Yeah, since Rescue Me just came back yesterday, I'm thinking he will foot the bill for the cable. But I need to be relieved of the cable bill AND an extra $100 from him. Which really shouldnt be hard since hes driving my dads old truck that he pays like a hundred a month for and his insurance is like 50 and his phone is like 80. And his job pays pretty well.

 

[AGonzalez]

Exactly, that's why he needs to see the bills and realize that wow, cooling in the summer in AZ ain't cheap.

OR...tell him the thermostat can't go below say 75 degrees because that sucks so much power (and it does, if you can keep it even a bit warmer than that it's cheaper) basically the way you'd do it is make him realize that if he doesn't want to pay say $100 extra, he's going to be less comfortable, i.e. with the cable TV and the cooling not being down to 65 degrees.

 

[Fran27]

Yeah I agree... tell him you're going to have to cut the tv as you can't afford it, unless he wants to pay for it, and tell him you have to keep the house at 75 degrees because with the loss of your other roommate, you're getting behind on bills.

 

[4dogs3cats]

Exactly, that's why he needs to see the bills and realize that wow, cooling in the summer in AZ ain't cheap.

OR...tell him the thermostat can't go below say 75 degrees because that sucks so much power (and it does, if you can keep it even a bit warmer than that it's cheaper) basically the way you'd do it is make him realize that if he doesn't want to pay say $100 extra, he's going to be less comfortable, i.e. with the cable TV and the cooling not being down to 65 degrees.

Yeah I've kept it around 76 and it seems to be okay. And if I put it down, obviously thats one thing lol.

Yeah I agree... tell him you're going to have to cut the tv as you can't afford it, unless he wants to pay for it, and tell him you have to keep the house at 75 degrees because with the loss of your other roommate, you're getting behind on bills.

Im interested to hear what he has to say about the TV, cuz I doubt he's gonna wanna give up his shows

 

[Renee750il]

He needs to be paying 1/2 of the bills, his own food, laundry supplies, etc. Period.

Or you need to find a roommate who will and let him go find his own place and pay 100%.

Yes, confrontation sucks, but not nearly as much as finding out you're drowning in expenses and get stuck with YOUR credit being in the toilet and him walking off scot-free, with plenty of pocket change that he's not had to spend on living expenses because he's been mooching off of you.