Chaz Moms and Moms-to-Be Chat (everyone welcome)

[sillysally]

Cali, my mom is a teacher and it was great--we had the same vacations and I got a stay at home mom in the summer!

I suppose the decision might be different if I loved my job or got some sort of fulfillment from it....just don't know...

The more I research parenthood on the web, the more put off I am at the judginess of many parents! If you stay home with your kids you are wasting your life and must be "rich" to be able to make that choice (not to mention that your husband is sure to leave you for a younger woman and you will end up penniless and alone). If you work it must be because you are selfish or financially undisiplined. If you have one kid you are selfish and the kid will grow up maladjusted. If you have more than 2 or 3 they will never get enough attention. Then there's breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Then natural or traditional parenting... And I thought dog people were bad!

Not referring to this thread, just in general all over the web--so much judging...anyone else noticed this?

 

[stardogs]

I'll prob work part time from home. I do want to be in more control of my baby's experiences and there for the firsts, but I also know that I would go stir crazy if I was home alone with a baby 24/7, so I need the built in "adult time" that work provides. Since I already do work from home, it should be a fairly easy transition to part time work from home, too. Part time also will allow me to set my schedule to avoid needing more than a few hours of childcare/week, which is helpful!

And yes, the parenting world DOES seem pretty judgey unfortunately.

 

[Greenmagick]

It is totally up to the individual, but want to add, I dont really know any SAHMs who stay at home When they are very young, yes, there is not much travelling or visiting done. But once they are older, we are out with friends a lot during the week and I get a ton of adult time, just the kids are there too

 

[Grab]

I feel like I will get the best of both worlds. Work September-June, off in July and August to be a SAHM, and off on all school breaks when kiddo is old enough to be on that schedule with me.

My husband is a teacher. This schedule works well. Our son isn't in daycare when he's on summer break, school holidays, etc

 

[Barbara!]

Congrats, Cali! It'll all be okay. And don't let the stupid Internet scare you.



Maybe I'm crazy but... I kind of miss being pregnant.

 

[Taqroy]

The more I research parenthood on the web, the more put off I am at the judginess of many parents!

The judginess and the unsolicited advice are awful. It starts in pregnancy -
"You're eating STARBURSTS?!? That's really healthy."
"You had a beer?!?"
"You can't take sudafed! Your doctor is a quack!"
"You ate deli meat?!?"
"You can't drink caffeine!!"
"You want to FLY on a PLANE?!?"
"HOW much weight have you gained?"
"You should walk a mile every day because I did that and my labor was only two hours."

And it just gets so much worse when the baby is outside.
"You can't hold her all the time, she'll get spoiled."
"Well my baby was doing <randomthingtheyprobablyweren'tdoing> at that age, what's your baby doing?"
"I only cloth diaper because it cured my baby's colic."
"If you feed formula your baby will be dumb."
"Are you breastfeeding? I breastfeed because I love my baby."
"My baby only poops fairy dust and rose petals."
"If you don't baby wear your baby will have attachment issues and probably grow up to be a serial killer."

Those last two might not be entirely accurate. But you get the picture.

 

[Taqroy]

I went back to work because I didn't really have a choice. I make over half of our income and our health insurance is through my work. Plus, I would go stark raving mad if I was at home full time. I would dearly love to work part time but it's not really an option in my career.

 

[AllisonPitbullLvr]

The judginess and the unsolicited advice are awful. It starts in pregnancy -
"You're eating STARBURSTS?!? That's really healthy."
"You had a beer?!?"
"You can't take sudafed! Your doctor is a quack!"
"You ate deli meat?!?"
"You can't drink caffeine!!"
"You want to FLY on a PLANE?!?"
"HOW much weight have you gained?"
"You should walk a mile every day because I did that and my labor was only two hours."

And it just gets so much worse when the baby is outside.
"You can't hold her all the time, she'll get spoiled."
"Well my baby was doing <randomthingtheyprobablyweren'tdoing> at that age, what's your baby doing?"
"I only cloth diaper because it cured my baby's colic."
"If you feed formula your baby will be dumb."
"Are you breastfeeding? I breastfeed because I love my baby."
"My baby only poops fairy dust and rose petals."
"If you don't baby wear your baby will have attachment issues and probably grow up to be a serial killer."

Those last two might not be entirely accurate. But you get the picture.

True. Hilarious but sadly true.

 

[sparks19]

It is totally up to the individual, but want to add, I dont really know any SAHMs who stay at home When they are very young, yes, there is not much travelling or visiting done. But once they are older, we are out with friends a lot during the week and I get a ton of adult time, just the kids are there too

THIS. So much.

Hannah and I are rarely home and the days we are it's like AHHHHH a day off to just be home. It's so nice lol. Now when I first had her and she was an infant I didn't go anywhere. I didn't have my license or a vehicle and I didn't know anyone in the area even if I did have a way to get places. So I pretty much sat on the couch the whole first year of her life. But since I finally bit the bullet and got my license and have my van now... we are always on the go. Visiting friends, co op, co op field trips or park days or general gatherings, outings to various kid/family friendly places in the area, etc. I get a lot of adult time especially now that she's a bit older and more independent. On co op park days the kids are playing for hours while the adults sit and socialize lol.

it always makes me laugh when people are like "you homeschool? don't you worry she won't get out and socialize?" HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA.... yeah homeschooling does not mean "stuck inside at home 24/7 with no contact with the outside world" lol we are out of the house more than we are in it.

When it comes to parenting everyone has an opinion and their opinion is always the right one but I can't say I really notice it much anymore because I simply don't care what other people are doing with their parenting style. that's their business. I won't say there aren't times that I'm around someone and they do or say something to their child and I'm taken aback but I don't say anything (like one lady always tells her son he's a moron and then wonders why he has anger issues). People always question our choice to homeschool but I know more often than not it's not because they disapprove necessarily but because they don't understand it and don't know what it is or can be exactly and in those cases I'm happy to answer any questions people have but if they get ruffled by it and tell me it's the wrong choice I just shrug it off. If they don't like homeschooling then they are free to choose not to do it but it's no skin off my teeth (what a weird expression) if they don't approve of my choice.

It used to bother me when someone disagreed or offered up their "advice" but I realized that was just a lot of wasted energy so now I just smile and say "Ok... thanks" and go on my merry way THAT being said... I don't go on parenting forums anymore lol.

 

[Greenmagick]

Well, and its hard too because unfortunately, in our culture, many new moms have not been around many babies or other new moms so there is a very steep learning curve. It SHOULD be fairly instinctual but if you dont have that background to know what is normal, its hard.

Babies are not robots, are not programmable. There is no difference between want and need when they are infants. They need to be held, snuggled, loved, and fed, a lot lol. Those are pretty much what I consider my "truths". Every thing else is going to have to be what works best for each family.

My ONLY concern comes from people doing things that REALLY are against a baby's nature without understanding what they are actually doing (like when people think soothing a baby is spoiling it, or things like that). I do think every parent should at least have a basic understanding of a baby's development, what are normal expectations, etc.

My other soapbox is breastfeeding and ONLY because so many mom's are not supported and are given poor advice. Many are set up to fail, mom's who WANT to breastfeed and think they are unable because of poor advice or lack of knowledge...that is a huge issue that makes me sad.

 

[AllisonPitbullLvr]

Well, and its hard too because unfortunately, in our culture, many new moms have not been around many babies or other new moms so there is a very steep learning curve. It SHOULD be fairly instinctual but if you dont have that background to know what is normal, its hard.

Babies are not robots, are not programmable. There is no difference between want and need when they are infants. They need to be held, snuggled, loved, and fed, a lot lol. Those are pretty much what I consider my "truths". Every thing else is going to have to be what works best for each family.

My ONLY concern comes from people doing things that REALLY are against a baby's nature without understanding what they are actually doing (like when people think soothing a baby is spoiling it, or things like that). I do think every parent should at least have a basic understanding of a baby's development, what are normal expectations, etc.

My other soapbox is breastfeeding and ONLY because so many mom's are not supported and are given poor advice. Many are set up to fail, mom's who WANT to breastfeed and think they are unable because of poor advice or lack of knowledge...that is a huge issue that makes me sad.

I so much agree with all of this! There is one mom in a facebook group I'm in who just seems to be so lost. She often posts long rants about how her baby is still waking up at night to feed, the baby is so needy, she cries a lot, she doesn't interact enough. She says things like "the baby has been a nightmare!" It's clear that she has no infant experience and that her expectations were way out of whack. She believes her kid needs to follow developmental milestones to the letter. She keeps trying to implement a schedule, a routine. She blames any NORMAL behavior on the wonder weeks.

I just want to shake her and tell her to chill out and just ENJOY her baby! Stop reading so much into every little thing that she does! She's now seeking help for possible PPD and I think a lot of it has been caused by her completely unrealistic expectations of motherhood and infants in general.

 

[AllisonPitbullLvr]

Thought this was timely:

http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/08/rewriting-the-rules-of-pregnancy.html?mid=facebook_nymag

 

[milos_mommy]

Has anyone used an amber teething necklace? Lillian is already starting to teeth at not even 9 weeks The only time she's not upset is when I'm wearing her.

 

[AllisonPitbullLvr]

Yep! Everleigh is wearing hers already. What is Lillian doing? Drooling?

 

[AllisonPitbullLvr]

Also, 8 week is a Wonder Week so that could definitely be contributing to her fussiness.

http://www.whosthatmom.com/wonder-weeks-week-by-week/

 

[Taqroy]

What is the deal with amber and teething? I could totally google this but...I don't want to.

The only time she's not upset is when I'm wearing her.

I can't decide if I have some sort of rose tinted view of Falon between 4-10 weeks or if she really was just awesome because I wore her 80% of the time I was awake. She was (still is) calm and content the majority of the time she's being worn. If it's not altering your life in a significant way I'd just go with it. I keep telling myself that she's not going to want to be worn and snuggled and hang out with me forever.

 

[milos_mommy]

Drooling, chewing her hands, and being seriously fussy (if I'm lucky she'll have one or two periods a day for 10 minutes where she's ok not being held...she's even screaming in her car seat). Her gums on the bottom left are kind of swollen and hard, too. She had started sleeping through the night for over a week, but that ended.

She's ok if I'm wearing her or she's being held, so it's not TOO bad.

Do you think the necklace helped Everleigh?

 

[milos_mommy]

What is the deal with amber and teething? I could totally google this but...I don't want to.



I can't decide if I have some sort of rose tinted view of Falon between 4-10 weeks or if she really was just awesome because I wore her 80% of the time I was awake. She was (still is) calm and content the majority of the time she's being worn. If it's not altering your life in a significant way I'd just go with it. I keep telling myself that she's not going to want to be worn and snuggled and hang out with me forever.

Amber has something in it called succinic acid, which is released when the amber gets heated. It has a calming effect on the central nervous system and is a natural pain reliever. It's not just for teething, it's supposed to help adults with migraines, help babies sleep better, and I think work for arthritis? BUT scientifically, the acid isn't released from the amber until it's heated to 200 degrees, so there's controversy about whether body heat or putting them in the sun can actually help.

I don't mind wearing her a lot, I just wish she was a little more comfortable say, in the car, or if I need to put her in her swing or something for a few minutes. Up until a few days ago she'd be fine on her play mat or in her crib for a half hour or more while I did stuff.

 

[iluvdogs]

I use the amber necklace for Riley. We all thought he was teething at 3 months he's now 9 and not ONE tooth!!

I still keep the necklace on him and when we thought he was teething he was very fussy and would have crying spells put the necklace on and the next day he was totally fine.

I'm loving all the baby pics. Chaz has such cute babies!!

 

[CaliTerp07]

Figuring out maternity leave policies is so confusing. The school district will pay for 2 weeks of time off, but only after I've used 4 weeks of my own time (paid or unpaid, depending how many sick days I've accrued at that point). The quandary is that spring break will likely fall during my time off. I can't for the life of me figure out if that counts as a "freebie" week for the 4 weeks I have to pay for, or if I'll still have to use my sick leave to get through that week, or what.

I sent an email to the disability/leave coordinator to hopefully answer my questions, but of course they're not back full time for another couple weeks, so it's going to be a while before I get an answer, I suspect. I want a clear plan before I talk to my principal to tell him what's going on, because I need to be able to tell him if I'm going to be around at all 4th quarter or not.

In my perfect world, I can use spring break as a "freebie" week, so I really get 7 weeks time off, and that would get me to where I only had 2-3 weeks left of school. I could either go unpaid, or DH gets 3 weeks paternity leave + has vacation to burn, so he could get us to summer.

Just thinking out loud.

Of course, then baby will decide to come in February and throw off all my carefully construed plans.