Baptism/religion questions - I need advice

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by milos_mommy, Oct 10, 2013.

  1. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    The background story:

    My BF and I are both confirmed Catholics. He comes from a very Catholic (though not strict) background...Irish/German Catholic...everyone in his family has been baptized, confirmed, etc. All Catholic Church marriages, etc.

    They don't REALLY practice, besides sending the children to religious education, I don't even think most of them go to church on holidays or anything.

    I was confirmed Catholic NOT by choice. No one else in my family is Catholic. When I asked my mom why I was baptized Catholic she said "because they were the only church that didn't want a fee for it and I wanted you to be Christened". I did NOT want to make my confirmation at 13 but got pressured into it because my mom spent money on sunday school for 8 years and basically didn't want that to go to waste. I do not consider myself Catholic.

    I'm very spiritual, but basically pagan/Buddhist (although I see Buddhism as more of a philosophy than religion). I went to a Unitarian Universalist Church before I moved, haven't been to church since.

    THE ISSUE I HAVE NOW:

    SO didn't seem very interested in a Catholic baptism at first. His family asked about it and he pretty much told them not to bring it up again because we're raising her to be a good person because she should be and not because the bible says so.

    I wanted to have a non-religious blessing ceremony for her, and have an interfaith minister perform it, but then SO's dad brought up the Father the baptized him. This man was SO's grandfather's close friend and has performed the (Catholic) baptisms for every child in his family. SO got excited about that and really wanted this pastor to perform her ceremony - which would obviously be Catholic. I agreed right away, I think it'd be nice to continue the family tradition. His dad set up a meeting with the pastor and everything, and is also SO excited.

    The church just sent me a packet. They want us both to sign stuff that says we promise to raise her Catholic, attend Mass whenever possible, etc.

    And now I'm totally regretting jumping into this. I feel like JUST because I made my Catholic confirmation, I have to pretty much pretend to be Catholic for this ceremony. I don't know how a Catholic Baptism works if only one parent is Catholic? My family is just going to be like "sign it anyway", but I'm really not comfortable essentially lying about my faith just to get my kid a baptismal certificate.

    What do I do? I don't think I can back out now and have an interfaith/non-demoninational ceremony after I told SO and his family I'd have a Catholic baptism. Did anyone in a mixed-faith relationship have a ceremony for their child that incorporated both faiths?

    Now I want a nice little flower-child ceremony where we burn sage and read Khalil Gibran poems.
     
  2. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I don't really have any advice.

    I was baptised as a baby. Once I was saved I decided to make the concious decision to be baptised as an adult. We did not baptise Hannah because we believe the decision to be baptised should come from the person BEING baptised as a show of their rebirth in Jesus. We had her dedicated instead. Basically, at church on sunday we had a little ceremony where our pastor prayed over her and us and what not :).
     
  3. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    Well, my perspective is as a very non religious person.

    As sparks kind of says, I think it's really up to the individual to decide which faith they identify with when they're old enough....

    I wouldn't christen a child as I'm not religious, but if they chose to be when they were older, I wouldn't hold it against them :D and if I was religious.... I guess I'd have faith my child would choose the right path and make their own choices...

    I don't know much about how christening gives you a ticket into heaven or wherever a chosen religions souls go where they die, so I guess people panic...?

    Personally I'd have a naming ceremony, party, service, whatever... You can have that in no faith or many faiths... Make it humanist or spiritual or religious or all three! Make everyone happy, and leave baby to form their own identity :)
     
  4. joce

    joce Active Member

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    That makes me feel so much better! We are also going back and forth on this. Husbands parents are already pushing and I have never even heard about them setting foot in church.

    I also thought I was as baby so why not? But I am spiritual and not so much one religion and I'd rather let baby choose later on I think.

    I would not be comfortable telling people I would do church knowing darn well I wouldn't. Better to not do it than lie about it.
     
  5. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    CAUTION HEATHEN MESSAGE BELOW

    Honestly, in your shoes, I wouldn't feel bad about lying on the paperwork or doing it just to appease or get a certificate.

    I got both baptized and first communioned so my parents could save money on catholic school (which was the best in the area academically)
    70% of the baptisms I attend are at the pressure of grandparents, for the certificate, for the party and of course tearful threats of "BUT IF HE DIES HE COULD END UP IN BABY HELL DO YOU WANT THAT?!?!"

    my parents of course signed paperwork saying they'd raise me in the church and go to church every sunday blablabla...
    1. they never went to church (and neither did I)
    2. I grew up a little heathen atheist

    Do whatever you want IMO.
    For those who do care, baptism means a lot.
    For those who don't.. it's just a little water on their head.

    so at the end of the day, I wouldn't stress too much about it, it's a nice tradition.
    I'd just sign it anyway if I wanted the baptism, regardless of my intents on how to raise the baby.

    I signed a virginity pledge at church when I was 13 to stay a virgin til marriage.
    Knew I wasn't going to, signed it.
    STILL DONT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT I JUST WANTED THE COOL RING AND TSHIRT THAT CAME WITH IT!

    I feel no qualms lying to the catholic church about anything really.
    Who are they to talk... just sayin'
     
  6. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    ^that....(EDIT TO ADD) It's not lying to the church (any church) that would bother me.......it's lying in general. Everyone lies, I've lied in my life as well, but it has to be one heckuva good reason (something big and/or arse saving!) and I don't deem getting pushy people off my back a good enough reason to lie, LOL

    ...and I also agree that being baptised should be a choice by the person getting baptised, not parents who want a ceremony or are being pressured.

    I personally would not let anyone pressure me into things I didn't want for my child and that's the advice I offer any other parent :)
     
  7. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Yeah no where in the bible does it say unbaptized babies will go to hell. There is the age of accountability for children and there aren't really any instances in the bible of babies or children being baptized. John Baptized adults in the river. it is supposed to be a conscious decision to be born again by that person and babies can't make the choice to dedicate their lives to Christ because... they are babies lol.

    I have absolutely NO qualms about raising Hannah in a Christian home and we had her dedicated to the Lord... but baptism has to be her choice, her act of service to the Lord, her rebirth.

    But I also agree with Coop. The lying in general would be my biggest issue not just that I'm lying to a church.
     
  8. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    Also different churches look at baptism differently. In the Lutheran church for example (I'll just speak for ELCA because that's what I know), it is not seen as a "ticket to heaven" but more a ceramony to welcome the child to the church family.

    If you know you have no intention of even attempting to raise her Catholic than I would not sign it. It just seems dishonest-bad mojo IMHO. You could see if the priest would do it without you signing the papers, or if he would do something privately.
     
  9. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Thanks everyone...

    I really do like the idea of sticking with the family tradition, and having a family friend perform the ceremony. Plus, TBH, doing it at the Catholic church is free + very low cost reception, and hiring a minister and renting a place is a LOOOOT more money. Not that the money would be a remotely deciding factor, but combined with everything else, it counts.

    I have NO idea which way to do. SO really wants his grandfather's friend to do the ceremony - and I highly doubt a Catholic priest will perform a dedication or baby blessing. Maybe he will, though? I don't know. I know I couldn't do that in the Catholic church.
     
  10. Beanie

    Beanie Clicker Cult Coordinator

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    I would call the priest and ask him. You never know until you ask. Maybe he's the kind of Catholic priest who is taking a page from Pope Francis and is more about the love and kindness and the whole live your life like Jesus than "perform as The Church dictates!!"

    I agree that it would feel like bad karma to say you promise to raise the baby Catholic when you have no intentions of doing so.

    Can you have the blessing ceremony at your house maybe? Or your SO's parent's house or something perhaps? I would imagine it could be something you could have in your backyard or something (hopefully it's not too cold there yet.) and then everybody could come inside and eat snacks and chat and stuff. Like a post-birth baby shower or something.
     
  11. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I just want to say that I don't think baptizing babies is BAD. It doesn't hurt anything really. My viewpoint was more for those conflicted or think the baby is doomed if not baptized.

    A family friend performing the ceremony sounds nice and important in more ways than the actual baptism and I would think that could be performed anywhere :)
     
  12. JacksonsMom

    JacksonsMom Active Member

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    :hail::hail::hail::hail:
     
  13. Barb04

    Barb04 Love my pets Staff Member

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    This is what I found on a Catholic website:

    Today the Church recognizes that the non-Catholic parties have the right to raise their children in their own faiths. The Church, therefore, requires that the Catholics promise to do all in their power to have their children baptized and raised Catholic and informs the non-Catholic parties of the promise but does not require any promise from them in return.
     
  14. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    Pretend for a moment that the rest of the family does not exist. If you were completely free of that pressure, what would you do? Then do that. :)
     
  15. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    *imagine the thumbs up 'like' symbol here*
     
  16. MinPinOwner

    MinPinOwner Member

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    ^^This.

    You could easily have some kind of event at your house instead too.
     

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