Am sad & mad about my son!!

[Denaluvscorgis]

Late last night I woke up and went in my son's room to check on him ( I almost always do) and I caught him smoking pot!!!!!!! He's admitted to doing it a few times. (He's 15)

His dad and I got a divorce when he was 7 and my daughter was 13. My daughter did really well, but my son has always struggled with depression and insomnia. He said that it helps him get to sleep.

Well... of course, I don't want him to do that!!!! I called his Dad, and the three of us are going to get together tonight and discuss this, and what his consequences will be.

I just needed someone to vent to about this.

Thanks,
Dena

 

[bogolove]

Oh Dena! I am so sorry. What do you plan to do about it? I remember I was about that age when I found out my cousin who was a year older smoked it a lot. I was disappointed in him, but what could I do? Now, he is much older and married and doing fine. That is just so young to start trying things like that. Are you sure he was not just telling you it helps him go to sleep to try to get out of trouble? I hope that a good talk with him will help him to see why he shouldn't do it anymore. I wish you luck, Dena. If you need to vent anymore, you know we will listen.

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

Thanks so much...I really do appreciate it!!!!

I think he's telling me the truth. He has always struggled with his sleep.

I told him last night that if he didn't stop this, that he would have to go live with his Dad. He doesn't want to do that.

I'm a real softie, and his Dad is really strict. When we were married, that was a good combo. His Dad and I live in the same city, so I would be able to see him all of the time. It breaks my heart to think of him not living with me, but I would rather make that sacrifice and have his life be better.

He is not going to have any privelidges for a very long time to start with. He's broke that trust that I had for him, and he will have to earn it back.

I know something was wrong, because he has had a real lack of motivation this summer, and I've been worried about that.

Thanks for listening.

Dena

 

[roni]

Dena - I cannot imagine how you felt when you walked into his room. I am sure that the divorce does effect him but I just hope that you can stop him now before it goes further. My brother started by smoking pot (16 years old) and no he (40 years old) has lost his wife, lost his job, lost his house and is pretty much living off my parents. Sad...he had a very promising career. You and your ex are right to have a talk with him. That shows him that ya'll care so much about him even though you aren't together anymore. You are good parents and I am sure by taking the time to talk with him about this will make a HUGE difference. I commend you both! If you need to vent or just talk please let me know.

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

Thanks so much Roni. Hopefully with us all working together...it will all work out.

 

[bubbatd]

At least you're approaching this in the right way...at 15 this is not unusual ....anger and grounding with his situation will not solve the situation. I hope those who did this at his age chime in. I know of too many kids who went on to be " pot heads" ...and a lot who faced reality that this was not an answer to their problems. Having 3 teens during the 70s was not easy......but at least the pot then was not what is sold today ....hang in !!!

 

[juliefurry]

It's ok to vent, that what this forum is here for. Regardless I don't have any 15 year old kids, but I will someday and I'll probably be put in this situation myself. I do have two stepsons though and I know the oldest had a hard time with the seperation and he still does.

 

[Renee750il]

Dena, you certainly are being a good and responsible parent! My Mom would have beaten me within an inch of my life and probably turned me in to the juvenile authorities, but fortunately I never had any desire to let something else control me - guess I just knew I needed all my wits about me.

Maybe some family counseling would help your son and help you and his father deal with the problem effectively. You might also - if your health insurance will pay for it - send him to a sleep clinic if he's had genuine problems with sleep. Between counseling and getting some physiological feedback you might find the answer to that part of the problem before it follows him into his adult life.

Pot isn't the end of the world for most people, but for some it is very addicting and does drain them of all motivation - and fifteen is too young to be able to make that distinction and decision for himself.

All my best to you - and to your son. Being an adolescent is just purely difficult and hard on everyone involved!

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

Thanks alot for all of the support!! I truly do appreciate it.

I actually have taken my son to a sleep specialist. He said that unfortunately insomnia seems to run in my side of the family. There isn't much that can be done about it, other then following strict bedtime rituals....going to bed at the same time each night...getting up at the same time...watching what he eats and drinks after a certain time of the day...taking a hot bath at bedtime...ect. That isn't always easy to do when you are 15.

I'll keep you all posted.

Thanks much.

Dena

 

[Debi]

Dena, could they possibly give him a prescription for sleep...carefully supervised by his doc? Seems it might be better than pot. Poor kid....poor you, but it's good to talk about it...and it doesn't sound like you overreacted. Just a good mom. (((HUGS)))

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

Thanks Debi...the Dr did give him some meds for sleep one time and taking them freaked him out and actually kept him up most of the night. I'm thinking that he might need to be on an anti-depressant. I hate the thought that my son is depressed...it makes a mom sad to think that her child is depressed.
I really tried not to over react with him. He is able to talk to me about things and I think that my over reacting would change that. He totally seems to understand where I'm coming from. I'm just trying to be a good mom.

 

[Irish]

Dena,
I am so glad you are getting good support from this forum. My son is 20 and we have been through EVERYTHING with him, from pot to much worse. I am so proud of the people of this forum who are encouraging and understanding, that is what you need. Unfortunately, there are many close minded individuals in the world who love to play the game of BLAME THE PARENTS. My husband and I were victims of that line of thinking. My heart breaks for the good parents out there, like yourself, who deal with these issues. If you ever want to talk to someone who has been there, feel free to PM me. I am very passionate about this issue. I believe in help for the kids and help for the parents. It sounds like you are doing exactly as you should be at this time.

 

[smkie]

My son just flew from the nest and reality has hit him square in the face..he did all of the above, but had a pack with his friends and they supported each other that no one did anything harder then weed..and they didn't drink. It is the meth, and above that scare me straight down to my dna.huffing and the rest. I am grateful those things were not around when i went thru my teens because i am still amazed i am still here..each and everyday. I do believe that weed does tempt to try harder things..education is the best route, and support. hugs my friend..this was my second teen and i was active in a goodly amount of his friends growing up as well. half of them stayed here at one time or the other and wore me out. Tell your son of Aaron's friend David. He got a pell grant and started college, was doing just great and got busted. He has lost his grant, and his chance at a good education. no one regrets this more then he does because there is no way he can afford on his own to pay for his schooling. He blew it big time. He is incredibly intelligent and should be somewhere that would challenge his mind..he is moving furniture. I watch my son work a hard 40 hour week now at a job he hates that hurts his back..he is a clerk in a grocery store and he is very very tall, the equipment designed for short women. He is trapped and cannot take time off to find another job, with a baby on the way. All the prompting for education..all the things i tried so hard to get him to do..now make a lot of sense. I hope it isn't too late for him to find a goal and strive for a passion. There is no better teacher then the world of hard knocks. I just wish i didn't have to see him go thru this. Good luck with your son. Stress birth control...half of these boys are finding out how hard it is and are forfeiting any chance for a successful future at a very early age. Aaron is lucky that he has family support..not all these boys are so fortunate. I talked to one boy that has been his friend since gradescool. He too at 18 is putting in hard hours and is exhausted, has a wife and a 2 mth old baby. There are far greater worries ahead then weed...trust me.

 

[Weluvgoldens]

Not to be the bad lady, but just cause he has done that a couple times dont mean that he is going to turn into a "pot head"

I have known a lot of people who did that in their teenage years, that turned out to be fine adults with good jobs. And they dont do that anymore...

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

I totally agree wtih you!!! I don't assume that he is going to turn into a "pot head". All I do know, is that as a parent, it's my job to take action on this issue with him, and try to stop it now before it turns into a bigger problem. I tried pot when I was his age, but when my Mom found out, she "nipped it in the bud" immediately.

My son is a great kid, and he know's that I think that. He would expect me to do anything that is possible to help him.

Thanks for your input.

Dena

 

[Weluvgoldens]

Right Dena, I also have done that a couple times. I turned out ok. But seriously, I know you mentioned that he has been on sleep meds and it didnt help. Has he been to a sleep study? Maybe they could help him. Then again, like you said, he might need on anti-depressants.

I really dont know what to tell you, I just hope he gets straighten out.

BIG HUGS ~ Even though I dont know you...

 

[Jason]

Don't worry Dena, as others have said pot is not the end of the world. I'd be concerned if he starts doing anything harder. It sounds like you're handling it the right way though, education and encouragement. I'm just amazed the kid had the stones to smoke in his room!

 

[Debi]

I grew up in the late 60's...70's where pot was a way of life. NO..not in itself a huge thing at all if he's smoked it a few times! We somehow grew out of it, but I still retain alot of the 70's thinking against the establishment...LOL I have many friends that still smoke...I don't make judgement on their choices. One is a dr...one a lawyer...etc. BUT, I agree with you, Dena.....just is a good mom that steps in on a teen and tries to find the reasons why it is necessary. Depression is so common, especially in teens..so I'd go that route. Usually it is all over with in a couple years. I'm still totally impressed that you stepped in to help, not judge, and are just trying all options. Again, continued (((HUGS))) such a cool mom.

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

Thanks everyone...your comments, support and humor really help alot!!!!

I know what you mean, Jason....I was sooooooooooo shocked that he had the "stones" as you say...lol...to smoke in his room. I think he just lost his mind there for a moment.

Mom's always seem to have a sense about these things.

 

[bubbatd]

Debi...let's remember too that it's much stronger than " back then "....