Advice with the girl I babysit ...Kind've grose

[IlUvMyAnImAlZ05]

Hey,
I need some advice.
I babysit a three and a half girl a lot and today I was babysitting her and she kept asking to go to the bathroom, well I would take her (every 5 minutes atleast) and she couldn't go and would say it was burning and her stomach was burning. Well, she still isn't potty-trained and I know she should at this age, but I work with her going on the "big girl" potty ALL the time but her family doesn't, so she pooped in her diaper and it was diarrea and went out the sides of her pants (it was as if she couldn't control it) and there was blood in her stool when I wiped her, it was a lot and thick and clotty.
So, I immediatley called her mom at work and told her there was blood in her stool and she needed to come and get her and take her to the ER or doctor.
I know when there is blood in the stool especially at her age that this could be SERIOUS. Well, the little girl (her name is Rosey) comes all the time not bathed and she stinks and smells like urine and poop all the time, so I know she doesn't get proper bathing and I know they eat a TON of junk food and soda, so I know she isn't taken care of. I also suspect abuse in the family, because Rosey comes and tells me all the time that her dad hits her and she has to hide in the closet and I have seen the dad back his kids in the corner and put his fist in their face! I also know they let Rosey wonder in the streets in their house and they put her in the bath tub and don't watch her (so, she could drown). So, I am wondering if they need to be reported.
I have known them for 11 years, so I know them very well.
So, I found out after asking them tonight what the doctor results were and it turned out that she didn't even tell them there was bleeding in her stool. Well, her mother loves to save money even if it means risking her kids lives. Well, if tests aren't ran for this blood in her stool this could be internal bleeding and could be DANGEROUS. So, I babysit her again tommorow. So, I am just wondering what the heck to DO?!
I feel so bad for Rosey. Please, any ADVICE?
Thanks!

 

[zoe08]

I know they have been your friends for a long time, but I would have to say call social services. That little girl needs to see a doctor. You can tell them first that if they don't take her, then you will have no choice but to call social services. Then if they still don't take her, call social services.

 

[bubbatd]

I'd watch her very carefully and if there's blood again tomorrow, take her to ER and report them . Let us know !!!

 

[IlUvMyAnImAlZ05]

Ok, I will definatly let you all know what happens. I will report them if they don't take her to the doctor and there is still blood.
Thanks for the advice!

 

[joce]

If it-or anything else happens again-take her to the er and then call her mom from there. That way she'd look silly not going in and hopefully you can get the paperwork started and mention the blood in the stool.

 

[Doberluv]

I'd report them regardless. It sounds like the frequent, burning urination may be a bladder infection. The blood in the stools...who knows but it is serious. That is not normal. Does she have any bruising when you change her diaper? If this father is as you describe, they should be reported. She NEEDS to be seen by a doctor and having to hide in a closet out of fear will ruin this little girl. Her diahhrea may be caused in part by extreme stress. Something is very wrong with this family.

What a shame and you're in the middle of it. But someone needs to investigate. Being neglectful like that...leaving a toddler in a bathtub...she sure could drown. I know you've known them for a long time, but what would you feel like if something terrible happened? What do your folks say?

 

[Julie]

I would be very concerned if there was blood in the stool especially with a loose Bowel Movement.....And the clots don't sound good either...

I would be less concerned if it were a large hard BM, and a little of thin blood...That could easily be a small vein that ruptured with passing the stool..

I think your best bet is to talk to the mother first, explain to her that you are very worried about Rosey, and she needs to take her to the doctor for this.

If you just report her, your babysitting Rosey will probably be over, and Rosey might end up without you to oversee things. So even if the sensible solution seems to report her, (which it does), in the system... Rosey might get lost, and loose you too.

Also, if the mother doesn't get medical treatment for Rosey, just take her to the ER yourself, then call her mother.

I don't understand why parents can't care for their children..
Rosey is lucky to have you!

 

[showpug]

Run don't walk to social services. Trust your gut. This girl needs you. Help protect her. It's more worth it to risk the friendship than the child's life. You could be wrong, but it NEEDS to be investigated ASAP.

 

[Red_ACD_for_me]

Run don't walk to social services. Trust your gut. This girl needs you. Help protect her. It's more worth it to risk the friendship than the child's life. You could be wrong, but it NEEDS to be investigated ASAP.

110% AGREED!!!Great advice Showpug!

 

[Julie]

You know, I have thought about this alot, and I guess you girls are right.
The mother should be reported... but I would just worry about them being found fit, with unfounded abuse...etc.

You know IlUvMyAnImAlZ05 would not be babysitting anymore, and this poor child would have no other caring person in her life.....

My neighbor has two boys she adopted from her older daughter (because she was found unfit, either they would go into foster, or she could adopt them) well I now see how that older daughter turned out like she did.... Non stop yelling, cussing, smacking, the kids were out in their socked feet at the christmas parade....etc. and they do have social services looking after them... So sad!

 

[juliefurry]

You could ask if you could report them but not let them know who reported them. I would try calling her doctor yourself tomorrow and explaining the problem to them directly and asking their advice. Some kids however are not potty trained at 3 and a 1/2. Emily is almost 3 and was doing good on potty training and now she decided she isn't ready so back to diapers she went until she decides she's ready. I would definetely try to get her medical help yourself tomorrow if she still has the same problems unless you are afraid for her life I would not report her. Lots of times social services WILL NOT take the child unless they are in danger of losing their life. We tried that with Mark's ex-wife and the social service lady that came over said she could not get them out of the house unless they walked in and they saw the kids tied up with the mom, or boyfriend, holding an ax over their heads (nice, I know). So I would just try to get her the best medical help you can, and when you do have her try to clean her and just do the best you can.

 

[Red_ACD_for_me]

People turn a BLIND EYE to these things these days that they see going on but never do anything about Please help this little girl...I would rather see her in foster care being cared for than staying with her mom and dad who could care less about her and sound as if they are mentally and physically abusing her. And I can't forget that there is always the chance of sexual abuse I am the mother of a 5 year old daughter and everyday I see her as such a special gift from god and such an incredible being that I helped to create and bring into this world. I could never imagine treating her like this poor child is being treated. Too many people have children today who shouldn't have them, and then there are the ones who go through HELL to have one because they are having a hard time conceiving. This world seems to be coming more and more of a terrible place the more I hear these stories and watch the news

 

[Julie]

I don't think anyone is suggesting to turn a blind eye on this child....
Sometimes...(Imho most of the time) the social service system does not work for a child... (to much red tape to go thru) alot of the time they are left in a home, just because abuse was not happening during their visit.... and no medical proof of abuse. While the child is still running barefoot with no coat in Feb... Even some of the teachers I have talked with understand the homelife of their students, yet nothing is done, even after a teacher has reported them... This is relying on the system and alot of the time it just doesn't work, or so many children would not remain in abusive homes.....

I have fed and given shoes to kids running in feb....... to two different families within a five year time, and my calls did nothing for them. In reality the only thing my time did was to give them a meal, and give them shoes to keep their feet warm. The calls apparently made no difference....

 

[sparks19]

I don't think anyone is suggesting to turn a blind eye on this child....
Sometimes...(Imho most of the time) the social service system does not work for a child... (to much red tape to go thru) alot of the time they are left in a home, just because abuse was not happening during their visit.... and no medical proof of abuse. While the child is still running barefoot with no coat in Feb... Even some of the teachers I have talked with understand the homelife of their students, yet nothing is done, even after a teacher has reported them... This is relying on the system and alot of the time it just doesn't work, or so many children would not remain in abusive homes.....

I have fed and given shoes to kids running in feb....... to two different families within a five year time, and my calls did nothing for them. In reality the only thing my time did was to give them a meal, and give them shoes to keep their feet warm. The calls apparently made no difference....

I couldn't agree more. Everyone thinks child services will run to their aid but that's just not how it is. child services is so out of touch with reality anymore.

My nephew (who is 16) was removed from his home because of a malicious comment from his younger sister. They never investigated this comment... they just removed him. He was put into a group home and was not allowed to return home until after they had a court hearing. At this group home he continually ran away, skipped school, got in fights with other kids (none of this started until he was wrongfully removed from his home). they kept him out of his home for over a year. They had the court hearing and the judge said it was absolutely ridiculous that he had even been removed and to put him back home immediately... child services did not. They dragged their feet for months and months and finally the judge got wind of this and called another hearing. he was FURIOUS that my nephew was not back home yet after all this time. He demanded he return home IMMEDIATELY and if child service would not co operate they would come under stern punishment.

On the other hand, another boy in my nephews school (he was younger but they were in a special study group together for kids with ADHD) Openly admitted and had bruises to prove it ... admitted that his father continually beat him. that child missed a few days of school and when he returned he had a broken arm.... this child told my nephew that his father had done this too him. got angry and threw him down the stairs. This child had many bruises and markings from this "father". The teacher finally decided to report this family. My nephew was removed from his home because of a passing comment... but this other child who was ACTUALLY suffering REAL abuse was never removed. From what I hear that child is STILL in his fathers home and is still being abused but when child services goes over there the father is on his best behaviour.

Tell me the system works ... PFFT. sometimes child services can be just as harmful and useless. They are quick to remove children that don't need to be but have absolutely no clue on how to deal with a child that really needs help

I like the idea of taking this child to the ER yourself giving the report of her symptoms and THEN calling the mother. If you can call child services without disclosing who you are then I would try it but I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize your chance to be there for this child unless I were certain they were going to do something about it.

 

[Doberluv]

The babysitter isn't going to be able to get her medical help. She is not the legal guardian. Even if they did, how is she suppose to pay for it or sign for any procedure? The system is not terrific in every way, granted. But it's the only system there is. This child needs to be seen by a doctor. She is being neglected and abused. There is clearly only one course of action and that is to have the authorites intervene. With a government organization breathing down their necks, forcing them to seek medical attention for this baby, she will get the help she needs. This can not go on, this bleeding from inside her. This is a clear sign that something medically SERIOUS is going on.

 

[Julie]

I am really not trying to cause a situation, but a babysitter can take a child to the ER, and give the doctor's info about all the symptoms, then the mother can be called to give permission for treatment or tests.......
I am sure this mother wouldn't deny medical treatment to her 3 year old, as this would leave a definant paper record of neglect.....from the ER, the doctor, and the staff that witnessed it.
The mother can't back out of or deny the emergency room visit, therefore there would be a trail of proof that she did not seek medical treatment when neccesary. The babysitter could even state the date this started and then maybe social services would have a real reason to do something, instead of just a call like they get so many of anyways.

 

[Doberluv]

Well, if they'll treat her. But if this mother hasn't done anything all this time, I am not particularly confident that she will now. But like you say, then they would get on her about it. It's just too bad these people are allowed to have children. They're going to ruin them. There are more than the 3 yr. old, right? Just a horrible situation.

 

[Julie]

It is sad.... and it is so many more kids right here, near our homes, that go thru similar situations.... I don't understand why people have kids, if they don't want to take care of them!

 

[Zoom]

I would say take the kid to the ER and give the docs as much information as you PERSONALLY FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE know. They will call the mother for permission to treat, which will start the paper trail, and depending on their findings will call social services down to take a look. This way it's not pinned on Iluvmydogs, it was the doctor's making the call. Iluvmydogs merely reacted to a frightening medical situation--the decisions were taken out of her hands the moment she walked through the doctor's doors.

 

[showpug]

I just look at my own precious little girl and it breaks my heart to see her with a cold. This little girl is having trouble having a bowel movement and saying that she hurts and her stomach is burning all the while she is passing blood clots. My heart goes out to her. Children are precious and helpless and they don't deserve to suffer. I agree that social services has a long way to go in order to reach perfection, but what other option is there? Wait and see? That could end in tragedy. This little girl needs your help.