Advice needed: I think another guy's into me :/

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Dogdragoness, Oct 8, 2012.

  1. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    As you all know, my OH & I have had our probs but I would NEVER cheat or think about cheating on him, I'm not even attracted to this guy (not my type anyway :/ ) but he always says high to me, talks to be & calls me names of endearment like "sweetie" & "honey" & has at times touched me in what could be considered a flirtatious way.

    This is at work (I work race nights tending the entry gate to the race track) which since its close to the grandstand & the public hangs out there due to the pony people's horses wait there btw races so my job kind of requires me to be "nice" but I have done NOTHING to lead this guy on, I am polite & everything but no more or no less then anyone else I talk to (except my girlfriends of course).

    He knows I am engaged, everyone knows as the track community is like a small town in the way that things get around quick & we have been going out for a while so everyone knows. All the other guys ask how my fiancée is but this guy doesn't even mention him, I haven't mentioned this to OH because I'm afraid of how to approach it, I dot want to make him feel bad or hurt his feelings :(, he isn't the jealous type but I don't think he would be happy learning that another guy is making passes at me & I wouldn't blame him :/.

    What should I do?
     
  2. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I'd say if it really bothers you you have to tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you KNOW he knows you are taken and you really think he's trying to make a pass at you the only thing you can do is be honest
     
  3. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    It worries me that you haven't told your fiance. If you're getting married, everything should be shared business, imo. The longer you go without telling him, the more it's going to seem like you're hiding it. It doesn't have to be awkward. Just tell him that you're getting unwanted attention.

    In the mean time, I'd be frank with attention-giver as well. Polite, but firm.

    "Hey sweetie, how was your weekend?"
    "You know, it makes me really uncomfortable when you call me "sweetie", especially since I'm engaged to someone else. I'd prefer if you just used my name. And my weekend was great, thanks."
     
  4. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    Thanks, since I haven't worked at this job since 2008, last weekend was the first weekend of live racing & the first time I have seen this guy & the last time I did I was single, there is a chance he might not know that me & my OH are serious together. I didn't mention it to OH because I had completely forgotten about this guy til Friday night (opening night).

    Lol I used to get this kind of attention when I was single, but now that I am in a happy relationship, I truthfully have no use for this kind of attention :/, I have had my passing "glances" but they dispersed quite quickly. But I think this might be something more serious (on his end not mine) my intuition tells me that his attraction goes deeper then simple flirting, & the only thing that is keeping him from making a move is that we are always in public.

    How to I tell this guy to knock it off without embarrassing him... Or should I be cut & dry with him?

    Guys still like to talk to me, but this dude is the first one who has taken it to this level, the others are respectable about it.
     
  5. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    Well, I call people sweetie and love and dear at work all the time. On the flip side, I'm called sweetie and my love and my dear all the time. Apparently I'm screwed :p

    Seriously though, I'd just be blunt in that it bothers you.
     
  6. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    You just have to tell him that even if it's not his intention (which spares him embarrassment whether you're right or wrong), his behavior is making you uncomfortable and you wish he would stop because you are practically a married woman. And distance yourself from him emotionally - no joking around or hanging out, and make sure you are NEVER alone with him.

    Hm, honestly I'm not sure it's something I would necessarily mention to my husband. Not because I wouldn't want him to know about it, and I wouldn't really hide it either, but... not sure what the point would be in just bringing it up out of the blue. I would just deal with it myself and be done with it.
     
  7. ~Tucker&Me~

    ~Tucker&Me~ and Spy.

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    I see what Cali is saying about mentioning it, and I see what sass is saying about not bothering. Personally, I would be direct about it, tell him you are essentially a married woman and that you want to be addressed by your name. Give him the benefit of the doubt about not knowing. If his behavior continues after telling him you are engaged, that's when you should tell your SO. I wouldn't hide anything if asked but if the guy simply doesn't know and the behavior stops after you tell him to cut it out I wouldn't necessarily worry about having to tell yor fiancé.
     
  8. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    One night and it's the first time you have seen him since 2008? Yeah definitely don't assume he knows about your relationship on the first night after 4 years.

    Don't confront him in front of other people that will just embarass him. Be gentle but honest. No need for "tough love" the first time. If he keeps it up be more firm
     
  9. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    Yeah I jut think he is clueless, I'll treat it like he doesn't know even if he does, he knows a lot of the same ppl SO does & he's a valet (not the same kind that parks cars for you ;) ) which is essentially an assistant the race jockey or trainer (if he has a lot of horses in & wants to use the same rider for all of them) hires if he's in a lot of races to handle his equipment due to time constraints so he knows all the jockeys who in turn know SO & I.

    But I will still treat it like he doesn't know but my intuition tells me that he does.
     
  10. SkyRock

    SkyRock New Member

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    I have guy friends like that and we do call each others with names like that, even when I had a boyfriend and they had/have girlfriends, in my case it's because we care for each other, I know their intention is not to hit on me and their girlfriends know too. If it bothers you, you should definitely tell him, or mention your boyfriend in the conversation so he gets the hint that you are not interested in going out with him. I don't think I would tell my boyfriend though, you are not doing anything wrong and before you know the intentiona of this guy he's not doing anything wrong either.
     
  11. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    This doesn't feel like a friend thing to me, OH comes to see me a lot (being that he lives on the track property) I guess I will have to "let" him see us together or if I'm getting a call ... Even if its just my folks or something when he's talking with me ill say "oh that's my fiancée, I have to take this"
     
  12. SkyRock

    SkyRock New Member

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    If you don't feel he means it as a friend then IMO you should talk to him if it makes you feel uncomfortable. You are obviously happy with your OH and this guy needs to respect you and your decision.
     
  13. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    My other half wouldn't give a flying whatsit if another man liked me.... If anything he'd probably tell me to flirt back lol

    I'd just carry on business as usual. I talk about my other half a lot, so....
     
  14. Kilter

    Kilter New Member

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    I wouldn't bother mentioning it to the OH, why bother? Unless the guy is doing something really out of the blue, or you're really tempted to go there.

    All you need to do is bring up your OH in the conversation ALL the time when this guy comes to chat. If he asks how you are, say 'great, OH did the sweetest thing today!', if he asks what your plans are, they're doing this or that with OH and it's so great that he lives right over there and you get to see him all the time and OH is such an amazing man and OH is helping you with wedding plans and OH.......

    That should send the message nicely.
     
  15. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    maybe i need to wear my ring to work LOL LOL the only thing is its too loose & needs to be resized & im afraid of it falling off, as i have to wear gloves some of the time.

    look i know there are some married girls at the track that do "That" kind of thing (sleeping around with multiple guys) but i am not that kind of girl & honestly if offends me that he thinks i am. next wek i will find a way to insert OH into the convo if we have one.
     
  16. Grab

    Grab Active Member

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    I don't know that I'd assume those terms meant flirting, but if you're concerned about it, just bring up your SO in conversation. "My fiance and I saw a great movie the other day.." And so on. If he's not seen you in some time, he probably doesn't realize you're in a relationship.
     
  17. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    That's what I'm going to do, I didn't get a chance to bring him up in Convo last week , with us being very busy but when we did talk I made sure I sent clear body lingo "I'm not interested" signals (crossing my arms over my chest, putting somehing between is, stepping back when we talk etc) but some guys are not up on subtle cues & need a more direct approach, so I will find a way to bring up OH in casual Convo this coming week.
     
  18. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    I don't think it necessarily sounds like he's into you from what you're describing (maybe it seems more so in person), but even if he's not flirting, the point is he's making you uncomfortable. If he doesn't get the subtle hint, I don't think you need to call him out on coming on to you (which he may or may not be...using terms of endearment and talking to someone a lot - I assume you mean at work and he's not texting you or calling you at home just to talk - just seem friendly to me).

    Just say something like "I'm sorry, I really prefer to have some personal space, I don't care for physical contact unless it's from my SO or close family" if he touches your arm when talking to you, and like the others said, just tell him you prefer to be called by your name rather than a term of endearment...
     
  19. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    I actually asked my other half about this last night. He said "enjoy it" and he'd be flattered.

    Then he asked why, who's flirting with me lol.
     
  20. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    Well... I'm at work now, he asked me if I work in the morning & I was like "no but my fiancée does" long silence... & he was like "how long have you known him" (I knew it meant been seeing him) I said a while (I haven't worked here since 06 or 07, I have been seeing OH starting casually at the tome before that & a yr or so later we got serious & stuff but I didn't go into that kind of detail since its none of his biz) & he shut up quick & made himself scarce lol since he knows OH , he even said he was a "good guy" I think he figured we were through or something like that probably a misunderstanding on his end.

    Sucks if he's been holding a torch this whole time for me or something :/
     

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