A Dog's Diary
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
A Cat's Diary
Day 183 of my captivity.
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I
get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they
were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the
stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their
bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make
them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their
hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat
I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due
to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this
is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog
is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a
half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them
regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait.
It's only a matter of time.
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
A Cat's Diary
Day 183 of my captivity.
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I
get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they
were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the
stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their
bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make
them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their
hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat
I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due
to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this
is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog
is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a
half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them
regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait.
It's only a matter of time.
