Married in a Church/Counseling

Well the reason puppydog is because unlike you and unlike myself some people DO NOT know what a true commitment really takes. That's how I thought of it when I was filling out the funny quiz. I didn't worry about it--it did make me think that there are people who haven't talked about these issues as a couple--and what that could mean to a potential marriage.

Sometimes some of us need a push to open up about some of life's biggest topics--maybe we ourselves haven't even thought about where we want to be in 20 years--that's what I took the pre wedding courses as--nothing more.

You make a very good point.
I just personally do not like anything forced on me.

Perhaps you do. But sadly, there are many people who do not. You'd be amazed at how many people get married without even discussing on whether or not the other wants children. I've seen people get married without even knowing where their spouse works.

The whole point of a marriage (from a religious standpoint) is to be a lifelong, sacred bond. It's nothing to take lightly. Nobody should enter into a sacred vow of that much depth without everything possible done to prepare for it. That's why most churches insist on some form of counseling...even if it's just a chat or two with the pastor.

It's certainly not about anybody judging your relationship (or at least, it wasn't for us). It's about getting the couple to talk to *each other* about important issues that come up during marriage.

Oh I don't mind sitting chatting with the pastor about the ceremony, what we want and how to go about things. That way he can personalise the ceremony, I just take exception to being told I don't know my partner and therefore some stranger should help us or he won't marry us.

On the discussing wants and needs section, my partner usually eventually says to me "Do you HAVE to analyse everthing soooo deeply??" :rofl1:

I think you misunderstood my comment.. I meant you have no ideas about pre-marriage classes as you've obviously never attended one. Somehow you had the ideas that the Church has nothing better to do than to stick Her noses into everyone's business & that the Church is doing so because She wants to "tell you what to do". I actually responded to this command,

where you so obviously opposed to something you know nothing about.

I didn't mean you don't know what it takes to be in a successful relationship & how to maintain one. However, in relationship as well as everything else in life, I hope you are humble enough to realize that the more we learn, the more we realize how much we don't know...

For that matters, I don't think it hurt to learn from others who're more experienced in life than I do, for there is so much I know, so much more that I know I don't know and then - There is sooooo much more that I still don't know that I don't know.

And how exactly is a priest going to teach me about my relationship?
I have a couples therapist for that.

I do happen to know about pre-marriage classes. My sister was forced into it and some of the stuff they had to do was outrageous. They had to do it or the priest would not marry them and her husband was set on that particular priest.

This is one reason Jeremy and I decided never to get married in a church. He believes in God and I dont pure and simple I think its a load of rubbish. We both know eachother and we know eachothers quirks Even for only being together a few short months we have a strong relationship. We have the ability to talk our issues out without strangers. We know what marriage means to us both, it is a lifelong commitment to eachother and to our children. That is why we are getting married by the mayor of the place we are getting married and going through the 3 day waiting period because we refuse to take a class telling us what being a married couple and parents entails. IT not like we arent both parents and he was married.

Were still not sure what were going to do yet.

I don't go to Church myself, He don't either, but he REALLY wants to have it in a Church..rather then a hall.

He said it just seems more "homey"...LOL.

I wouldn't have a problem, I think i'm just worried about the "pre-marriage counseling" ..Wish it was a step I could skip!..lol

Honestly, outside of one woman who threw a major fit that her Catholic priest would not marry her and her fiance if they didn't quit having sex (she wasn't even in it for anything except "I HAVE to have this church because it's SO PRETTY" *gag*) I have never heard anybody say anything bad about it. => What is it that worries you? Maybe you can ask the church more about what it involves and get a better feel for it?

Im sorry but if I wanna have sex with the guy Im gonna marry Im gonna have sex with him. Hence another reason we will not be getting married by a priest.

Good for you, but you're not wanting to get married in a CATHOLIC church. I mean... c'mon... CATHOLIC church. Seriously.
Complaining about it when all she wanted the church for was because "it's pretty" is ridiculous. She didn't have any respect for the church or the religion at all, so good for the priest for refusing to marry them there.

Yea I was forced to go to a Catholic church and they ummmm kicked me out of it. THe guy touched my arm and I hit him cause he scared me LOL.

I think those classes might be a good thing.

It might just be me.... but your relationship can be all candy dandy... when you get married, it is a whole different spiel. Things you never thought of might become an issue and suddenly you find yourself thinking that is it not just all that easy.

You have to find your own way of communicating and that can he harder than it sounds. I have been married almost 3 years now and we are just really figuring out how to really be husband and wife. We have always loved each other- that is not the issue- but there are so many aspects to it.

So, if someone who has some experiences with probable marital issues sits down to share his wisdom with you... I would take that little piece of advice. I wish we could have done it.

Nice on, Sis. LOL!

Me, I have no idea. Used to want a church wedding, used to want an outdoor wedding...when my ex and I were planning on getting married, we were going to do it at his parents house because they had a massively huge backyard and were outside of city limits, so it was very pretty and quiet.

I do agree with having to take an in-depth look at some of this stuff with an unbiased party present. In most cases, the priest/preacher/deacon/whatever is basically just going to be a counselor anyway. Even then it's rather up to the induvidual...one of my best friends was married about 6 months ago. They've been together for about 3 years, went through the pre-wedding stuff but the preacher apparently wasn't all that thorough, figuring that anyone who has been together that long would pretty well know. Well, they're already having trouble in their marriage and needing to go see a marriage councelor. Not a blanket case by any means, but an example of why pre-wedding counciling is a good idea.

Thought I should seize the opportunity to add that there is a reason for this

According to the Catholic Church, marriage is a covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament (From the Catechism of the Catholic) (A sacrament is a visible sign of an invisible grace, namely the divine presence)

Therefore, marriage is not just a ceremony by which two people are legally bound together. As a sacrament, it is an act of worship, and expression of faith, a sign of the Church's unity, a mode of Christ's presence.

And in order to receive the Sacrament fully & worthily, one needs to be free of mortal sins, one of which is pre-marital sex.. That's why the Priest asked this lady to abstain from sex (i.e. to deny the sin) until they're officially married.

(BTW, Mortal sins must meet the following criteria: 1) its subject must be a serious matter. 2) it must be committed with full knowledge, both of the sin and of the gravity of the offense. 3)it must be committed with deliberate and complete consent. Mortal sins cannot be done "accidentally." A person who commits a mortal sin is one who knows that their sin is wrong, but still deliberately commits the sin anyway)

BTW, I don't look to start another discussion about pre-marital sex. We all know where we stand so there is no need to - I just thought I should give the reason why (Catholic) priests are so strict about this.

I wonder why it is that christians do not acknowlege the fact that marriage was in fact a Pagan ritual before the church stole it as a method of population control.

Because Christians took a lot of Pagan rituals and made them their own, so why make a big deal about one and not the others?

Why does it matter who "invented" marriage?

I don't think the church STOLE it lol. How can you steal marriage? Surely the Pagans can still practice their ritual who cares if someone else practices it too. I certainly don't mind that similar ceremonies are being performed in other religions or cultures. Why is it always "pagans thought of it first"... lol who cares? want a ribbon for being first?

here's the thing. You aren't FORCED to take any classes... but if you really want to get married in a certain place sometimes you have to pay more money, sign your life away or... go to counselling. If you don't want to do the counselling you move on to get married somewhere else. bingo bango... no one keeps you there with a gun and tells you now that you have inquired you must take the course and you must get married there.

The way I see it... I took classes when I found out I was going to be a parent and have a child to care for for the rest of my life. why wouldn't I take the opportunity to take a class on marriage for life if it was presented to me? some say it's forced... but it's not... you don't have to get married there simple as that.

I'll have to climb aboard the "if you don't like it, don't get married there" train.

There are a ton of places that you can get married in besides churches: event halls, the beach, the courthouse, your own house, drive thru windows, etc, etc.

If you don't belong to that particular religion but you want to get married in one of their churches, either take the necessary steps to do so, or find someplace else.

That is EXACTLY how I feel about the matter, lol. Although I read and agree with those of you who made posts on why that is done - it still would get my hackles up.

I giggled. :hail: I KNOW it's part of the religion but the attitude of it being ANYONE'S business - besides the person you're having sex with - whether you're having sex or not is just ludicrous to me.

Question M&M..... I am not Catholic, so if I had sex it wouldn't be "with full knowledge both of the sin and the gravity of the offense." (I don't consider sex a sin.... premarital or otherwise. And I've never received church teachings on the subject, the only catholic church I've ever been to was a little nutty and we only went a few times.) Would it not be a mortal sin in the church's eyes? If not, what would it be? And how about if I was educated on the subject after, would it be a mortal sin then?