Your dog vs family dog

[GoingNowhere]

...And to this day, we have a back up plan just in case he gets stationed somewhere Zander can't go. I stay behind with Zander. That's the deal. Zander isn't a table or a tv we can just get rid of when we no longer want.

I sure hope I didn't come off as making it sound like my dog(s) are/will be disposable. Dogs are for the duration of their life with few exceptions. It's just that I can't imagine sharing my life with someone (human that is) and going out and getting "my" dog and him going out and getting "his" dog. If the dog ends up liking one person better than the other, then so be it. That's the dog's choice. But I wouldn't go into adopting a dog with the intention that "this one will be mine and that one will be yours."

Like I said in my previous post, if I already had a dog of my own, you can bet that whoever I decided to end up with better be willing to accept my dog. Yes, that dog would be "mine." But once my SO and I were together, I'd want any new dogs entering the household to enter the household as "ours."

 

[PWCorgi]

I think Froman straddles the line of "mine" and "ours."

In many ways he is definitely "mine." He is mine in that I do all the training, feeding, exercising, and I pay all the bills (though really, I pay all animal bills because Ryan takes care of everything for the cars, so I don't know if that counts). I think when push comes to shove he will choose me over Ryan, but I think that's more due to me being primary caregiver to him, he relies on me more. His separation anxiety is definitely worse when it comes to me leaving then when it comes to Ryan leaving. This isn't to say he doesn't love Ryan, he LOVES Ryan!! Acts like a complete moron when Ryan comes home, throwing himself around and playing bitey-hand. Ryan also cuddles with him more than I do.

But I don't think of him as my dog, I think of him as "our" dog. We both make decisions about him, we both go to his behavior appointments, Ryan came to every single growl class. If I kicked it, Ryan would be in charge of him. Plus, if Frodo was a stable dog I think Ryan would spend a lot more time taking him places and doing stuff with him, but as it is he is a lot to handle and Ryan isn't confident in handling him most of the time.

 

[Laurelin]

I live by myself now. But growing up and then the brief time I lived with my dad as an adult there were always dogs that belonged to different people. Shack, JR, and Beau were my mom's. Pete was my DAd's. Nikki, Rosie, Summer, and Mia were mine. Bernard and Trey were Emily's. Rose was Josies'.

Although in the later years when I lived there, I fed ALL the dogs. Groomed all of them (up to 6 at a time). Even now that I moved out, Rose and Beau will follow me over anyone else. Trey also pretty well chose me to hang out with all the time although he was not 'my dog'. I get accused of making all dogs clingy, but I'm not sure that's the truth. I think it's more of the fact that I've always been the only one that trains them for fun and they associate me with fun training and lots of playing in the yard and walks.

Mia and Summer are my dogs completely. There is no question, especially with Mia.

The biggest issue was even though I took 100% care of my dogs, my family had to live with them and we like very very different things in dogs. Mia + family was a point of much stress sometimes because she is not their kind of dog.

 

[Flyinsbt]

Eva, the dog of my breeding who I gave to a friend, was supposed to be her husband's dog. :lol-sign: Because of the dogs they had, 4 were hers, and only 1 was his. That was her justification for getting another puppy "Bruce needs a new dog too". It didn't work out that way. Eva didn't go along with that program. Heather wound up getting another dog, too, so now she has six dogs, and Bruce still has just one. I think he's fine with that, though. All the dogs like him, and Heather does all the dog care, anyway.

 

[Linds]

Well, my situation is different than yours since you have a husband and I have parents (and a sister) but Traveler, Didgie, and Kaylee are totally mine and to be honest I don't think of Hannah as mine so much as theirs. The dogs will go by them and like them but if I'm around they are on my, by me and waiting for me.

I think as nice of idea as the dog being everyone's it's hard when you have someone like you (and me) who wants a very particular kind of dog that doesn't fit most people's idea of a good 'pet'. And then even more so when you do all that kind of training and working with them the dogs typically bond to you more. Even if you don't know how to pet right

I think the right dog for Tim would be fun for him and he could get the cuddles he's not getting from the pointy dogs.

 

[monkeys23]

Mine, definitely mine! I'm told that even though they are out of their kennels while I'm at work, they just lay on my bed and wait for me to come home. Once I'm home Scout totally schmoozes my roomies, but apparently when I'm gone they just mope around.

My mom watches them if I'm gone and apparently whatever day I'm headed back Lily chirps and paces all that day. I have no idea how she knows, but she does. Scout's a little more reserved about all of it, but I'm the one person she truly cares about on this planet and she's been that way since we first met.

Both my cats are still mine even though they live at my mom's. Missy waits by the front door on the day's I'm headed there I guess. The old Scummy cat is more a family cat, but follows me into the bathroom every time. Unless Lily beats her to it. LOL.

The "family" BC tries to leave with me when I head back to work at the end of the weekend. LOL. He does love my stepdad a lot, but he isn't a stupid dog... he's well aware of the perks the girls get living with me.

The last guy I dated had his own dog. She was definitely his, though she freaking adored me. Honestly his care (or the gaping holes thereof) really bothered me and I think the big discrepency there would have been a very large issue in the long run. No that wasn't the dealbreaker before you ask.
He also was horrified and disgusted the one time I took him to bitework which hurt a LOT. He said all the right things of yeah I know you love it and its just not for me, etc., but the palpable revulsion coming off him was unhidable. I still get upset thinking about that.

Hopefully next guy I end up with is more on the same page.

 

[monkeys23]

I think as nice of idea as the dog being everyone's it's hard when you have someone like you (and me) who wants a very particular kind of dog that doesn't fit most people's idea of a good 'pet'. And then even more so when you do all that kind of training and working with them the dogs typically bond to you more. Even if you don't know how to pet right

I think this is very true!

 

[Laurelin]

Even just last weekend when I was visiting and house sitting (we only had Mia + everyone else there for a few hours) I got to hear 'Oh I'm so glad I don't live with this anymore!'. I love that I don't have to worry about her being 'too loud' or 'too hyper' when I live on my own. My family likes her in very small doses but get annoyed so fast if she even makes much of a peep (which she makes a lot of loud screaming usually).

Even Summer is too much energy and noise for them.

 

[MafiaPrincess]

All three are technically mine. They all sleep in my bed, I pay all bills. Smudge and Arson sit on my bed and wait for me to come home.

Cider chills with my family when I'm home, my sister takes her for walks. The boys follow me room to room.

 

[xpaeanx]

In the past I have had bfs that tried to claim my dogs as "our" dogs... honestly... it really ticked me off. lol. I don't know why either, it just did.

The guy I am seeing now will help feed, walk, and anything else with the exception of picking up their poop. He also refers to them as "the kids," as in... you can sleep in, I'll take the kids out. We have also talked about future dogs and animals. While there are certain ones he wants like "taller" dogs, he admits that they will in reality be my animals. So pretty much, I've given him a list of breeds I am ok with and he can pick one off of that. lol. He also wants a clydesdale. lol. But again, he admits any horses on the property are mine, so I would have the final word on it. Of course, we these are all future plans... we don't even live in the same states right now. haha.

 

[adojrts]

I take care of all of them and pay all the bills, hub or son will feed, let them out into the yard etc when I am away. However, Petie and Who are my dogs and sleep beside me etc. Hailey is hubs dog, her world starts and ends with him and always has, plus she is the only dog ever allowed in his classic cars lol. Sprout is our son's dog, they adore each other. Bobbi is the floater, he is the family dog. All the dogs sleep beside their person and Bobbi has his fav spots to sleep and shares himself with all of us.

 

[Moth]

My two love my boy person...they are always happy to see him and don't mind hanging out with him.

However, when it comes to looking for direction it is me they look to. I am the one that does the training. I do most of the feeding and potty duty. I am the one that usually takes them on interesting outings and I am the one that is planning on going into competitions with them. I am also the bad guy who has to tell the no and make them behave I am also the one that usually is there when there is a vet visit.

That being said he helps with the occasional feeding and outing. He also does the yard cleanup duty. He plays with them and loves them...Menchi does the crazy puppy routine when he comes home from work

 

[Lyzelle]

In the past I have had bfs that tried to claim my dogs as "our" dogs... honestly... it really ticked me off. lol. I don't know why either, it just did.

Me too. But it's because they aren't kids, they aren't inanimate possessions. They are friends. If you've ever had someone try to butt their head into your relationship with your best friend, it is similar. It's not "our" best friend just because you're dating me or married to me. And any friend I make during this relationship isn't automatically "ours" just because, either.

Dogs aren't inanimate possessions, they aren't kids. They are friends. Some can be "our" friend, some can be "my" friend, and some are going to be "your" friend.

At least, that's how I see it.

 

[JacksonsMom]

Me too. But it's because they aren't kids, they aren't inanimate possessions. They are friends. If you've ever had someone try to butt their head into your relationship with your best friend, it is similar. It's not "our" best friend just because you're dating me or married to me. And any friend I make during this relationship isn't automatically "ours" just because, either.

Dogs aren't inanimate possessions, they aren't kids. They are friends. Some can be "our" friend, some can be "my" friend, and some are going to be "your" friend.

At east, that's how I see it.

Pretty much how I see it too!

Don't get me wrong -- I would love a future SO to be into Jackson, and enjoy doing things with him too. I would never get mad at them for doing stuff with him, or helping out, etc. But the fact is he'll always be MY dog, and not yours, lol. So I wouldn't consider it "ours".

I do see what GoingNowhere is saying... if a couple gets a dog *together* I guess it's a bit different than a person having a dog and then meeting a person, but it just depends on the couple and the dog really. Some dogs really are just all around family dogs and don't really have a 'person' per say. But again us here on chaz are a lot more involved in terms of breed choices and training and such ... so we're already a bit different than the average family looking for a family dog.

 

[Lyzelle]

I do see what GoingNowhere is saying... if a couple gets a dog *together* I guess it's a bit different than a person having a dog and then meeting a person, but it just depends on the couple and the dog really. Some dogs really are just all around family dogs and don't really have a 'person' per say. But again us here on chaz are a lot more involved in terms of breed choices and training and such ... so we're already a bit different than the average family looking for a family dog.

Yep, even at my mom's house, though, it was the same way. Zander was mine, Macie was my mom's, Dante was my mom's husbands....just how it always worked out. One way or another, the dogs just gravitated towards certain people. Gustav, Eve and Indy were more "family dogs", though I would snatch Eve and Goose in an instant.

I think part of it is personal choice of breeds and training, and some of it is probably Heart Dog Syndrome too.

 

[PWCorgi]

In the past I have had bfs that tried to claim my dogs as "our" dogs... honestly... it really ticked me off. lol. I don't know why either, it just did.

I think if Ryan had tried to claim them right off the bat then I would have been super ticked, lol. But at some point, probably just in the last year here, I started thinking of him as "our" dog.

Ryan and I aren't married yet, but at this point (I think it's over 4 years? something like that?) we have a lot more "us" stuff than his or mine. We live together, the groceries are shared, bills are shared, etc etc.
At some point it went from me thinking of it as: Myself (and MY Frodo), and here is my boyfriend Ryan.
To now I think of us as a unit, we're a family now.
That probably sounds bonkers...

Also, when Frodo does particularly bad things Ryan will say "your dog!" and I'm like "uh, no. OUR dog!" :lolsign:

 

[spiffy]

Dogs indeed are man's best friends. They would bond with all the members of the family. However, these pets tend to choose a particular person to bond closely with. The chosen person will be the dog's best friend...one that will receive the most loving affection.

I tend to choose small breeds. I have a male and female Chihuahua. My brother brought home a Rottweiler/Doberman hybrid. The hybrid appears to have chosen me. Despite the efforts of my bro, his dog became my shadow. Bogs is now my dog.

 

[SpringerLover]

Mine. They're all mine. Technically the only one that was bought FOR me is Bailey. But I now pay for all everything and with the exception of this year while my cats live with my mom, I do 99% of the care as well.

Four elderly pets are expensive, let me tell you (15, 15, 14, 12.5)!

 

[Southpaw]

Our dogs have always been "meant" as family dogs.

Juno kind of screwed that up though lol she is very much MY dog. But I guess that is what happens when you get a puppy and only one person interacts with it! For a long time my mom was at least financially responsible for the necessities (while I still paid for training classes or extra toys etc), but in the past 6-12 months - probably because I've been making more money - all of a sudden everything became my responsibility, including food and vet bills.

Of course, living with my parents and brother, my perspective is different. But I definitely think it can work, the only thing I don't like in these situations is when the other person says "I'm not feeding her/letting her outside/taking her for a walk/whatever because she's YOUR dog." I think when a dog lives with a family it is essentially everyone's dog, to an extent.

 

[Hillside]

Well, I'm single and live by myself, so unfortunately, they are both my dogs, ALL the time. I can't even foist them off on a BF as his dogs when they've been bad.:rofl1:

When I was with Ryan, we got Django. For 3 days, Django was mine. After that...he was definitely Ryan's boy. I still took him to classes, fed him, was responsible for vet bills etc. I convinced Ryan to allow me to get a second dog since he stole my first. Fortunately, he agreed and Saga was DEFINITELY mine. I haven't dated anyone since I got Nico, but he will always be a MY dog, not an OUR dog. Saga could possibly be an OUR dog at some point, but probably will still be mine.