Worried she'll un-learn commands....

Discussion in 'Dog Training Forum' started by SHADOW_THE_STAFF, Oct 25, 2005.

  1. SHADOW_THE_STAFF

    SHADOW_THE_STAFF Staffie Mad

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    Not sure if thats possible. (Or even if its a word!)

    When Im away on holiday, shadow will be staying with lee's parents. And they dont "do" things the same way I do. Their dog has almost no obedience, as he's never been given any training. I currently operate on the NILIF theory, I dont do or give shadow anything with out her earning it first, e.g doesnt get her food until she sits, etc. I know this wont be the case when shes down there, even if I ask them to they'll just forget.

    So shadow will have 5 days of no obedience. Im really worried about it, if their dog is naughty, they'll scream and shout at him, even though he doesnt know what he's doing wrong. Im making them sound like ogres, their not, they are nice people, just uneducated in dog training. They follow the old methods, e.g if monty does something bad, say knock the trash can over, they'll find it 30mins later and shout at him, or when he was housetraining, they'd wipe his nose is his pee, etc. And there is no point in trying to educate them, they dont want to be educated, they'd see me as an inexperienced dog owner, they've had 2 dogs already and I've only recently had one. It would be like "trying to teach your grandmother to suck eggs", as the saying goes. They would take offence at me trying to educate them, and think I was talking rubbish.

    I anxious about leaving her there, I dont know what they'll do if shes naughty. I will tell them if she is naughty (e.g playing way too rough with monty) to put her in the kitchen for a time out. Hopefully they'll do this.

    Will she still know her training when I come back, or will she try and act the way she will ahve down there, getting what ever she wants when ever she wants..... :confused:
     
  2. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    She might be a bit wild but she will adjust back I think. She might get scared more easily though... Personally I would rather pay a dogsitter or leave the dog at a kennel than with such people.
     
  3. SHADOW_THE_STAFF

    SHADOW_THE_STAFF Staffie Mad

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    Up until this weekend I figured it would be fine, but monty and shadow are playing more and more rough with each other and lee's dad keeps really screaming at monty. Its not like I could turn around and say to lee, "I dont trust your parents, I'd rather pay some stranger I dont know to look after shadow", that would be it, his parents would prob never speak to me again. Its akward cos they're family (well almost my family) I've been with lee for 4 and a half years now and learnt to accept his parents the way they are.

    I should have thought it through more probably, but its too late now, im goin on thursday........
     
  4. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    I understand, but honestly I would never ask my inlaws to keep the dogs, and it doesn't have anything to do with my relationship with them. I'm sure Lee can understand if you explain to him what the problem is. There's a big difference between accepting your boyfriend's parents and letting them take care of your dog when you're away. But again, I would never let my father in law take care of my KIDS if I had some. There are ways around it. It's not a matter of trust, just a disagreement on training principles that can totally mess up a dog. Just my opinion.
     
  5. SHADOW_THE_STAFF

    SHADOW_THE_STAFF Staffie Mad

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    I completely understand what you mean, lee would probably understand, but he'd still take offence, and well lee's parents they just wouldnt understand. . No body in lee's family speaks to one another. Once they've had a falling out, thats all it takes, they would never speak to me again, wouldnt come to the wedding, prob wouldnt even want to see their grandkids when we eventually have some. When we have the wedding the only family lee is inviting is his mam, dad and bro. Because he doesnt speak to the rest of his family, he doesnt even know why they're not speaking. Where as there are about 50 of my family coming. Its just the way his family are, once you asked them to do soemthing, you cant back out.

    It just means I wont ask them again.
     
  6. Doberluv

    Doberluv Active Member

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    Yeah, but what about your dog? I think if someone takes offence, that's their problem. Your dog is not use to getting yelled at and treated harshly for something he doesn't even understand. I wouldn't leave my dog with someone I didn't feel comfortable with that way. Forget the actual training commands. That, I wouldn't worry about. You can always get that back. But emotional damage or fear put into your dog can last a life time.
     
  7. SHADOW_THE_STAFF

    SHADOW_THE_STAFF Staffie Mad

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    There's nothing I can do about it now, im leaving 4.30am thursday morning. There's no possible way I could find, vet out and book shadow into a kennel on such short notice.

    What am I gong to do? I am really freaked out now. I dont want to leave her, I dont want to go. There is nobody else who can look after her.
     
  8. andy.

    andy. New Member

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    i think you are trying to please your in-laws too much, you dont want to fall out with them, if you are worried about them not coming to see their future grandchildren etc. imagine what it would be like if you had a disagreement after they were born grandad suddleny stoped visiting? If you are seriously worried about your dog being left with them you have to speak up, although you might be able to get a short term solution.. maybe fake illness, (too ill to go on holiday but just well enough to look after shadow :)) i'm not a fan of decipt but its your dogs long term mental heath that has to be your 1st priority right now.
     
  9. Doberluv

    Doberluv Active Member

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    Don't freak out. You aren't leaving her there for long. Now....calm down. Can you have a little friendly talk with them? Can you tell them that she is unusually sensative and that you never even yell at her, so please be extra gentle with her? If she does something you don't like, just ask her to go lie down in another room for a while. You can tell them some of the things she knows, some commands you have for her. Tell them you're telling them to make it easier for them to take care of your dog....so she can understand them. Tell them some things she does, little subtle things, what they mean....how she might communicate something to them which is different than what they may be use to. I'm sure if they're not ogars or abusive monsters, that she'll be OK. It's just that I am such a worry wart that I would be so nervous leaving my dogs with certain people.

    My Dad, I wouldn't like leaving my dogs with. He's nervous and he has a loud voice. He would holler, "NO!" loudly and freak out my sensative dogs. When I was there one time and Lyric was a pup, he jumped up with his paws on the counter. My Dad, with his very, very loud, harsh voice, said, "EH-EH-EH! NO!" The dog got down and my Dad continued telling him off. I told him, "Geez Dad! Lyric is on all fours. Stop scolding him. Now is the time to reward him. He got down!" My Dad is not a mean person at all, just kind of strict and not very good IMO with dogs. He made one of our dogs somewhat cowardly when I was a kid. He never hit or mistreated that way, but his domineering, harsh commands was all it took with that particular, sensative dog. You couldn't say in the sweeeeeeeetest voice, "go lie down Bruno." That dog would slink off. It was pathetic. I never respected that aspect of my Dad, although he was always gentle, albeit firm with us kids.

    I have left my dogs with my ex hubby and my daughter. They're both good with and love the dogs. My ex hubby has a pretty deep, scary voice, but he's very nice to the dogs and really enjoys them and they seem to like him too. My daughter....the dogs are wild about. They like her better than they like me. LOL. So when we visit, they are all over her. Lyric, my Dobe gives her hugs and when she tries to get up off her knees from getting hugged, he grabs her with his curled paws and pulls her closer to him and won't let her up. LOL.

    Anyhow, don't let this ruin your time away. I really think it's not such a long time....5 days?.....unless you think they'll abuse your dog. In that case, I wouldn't go or I'd find some vet. But like you said, Thurs. is just around the corner.
     
  10. SHADOW_THE_STAFF

    SHADOW_THE_STAFF Staffie Mad

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    I am such a "anti-confrontation" person, I always try and please everyone.

    There is no way I could cancel this trip. Its a once in a lifetime kinda thing. We're travelling from the UK to New york, its all planned and booked. I think lee would leave me if I said I wanst going! Only joking, but you catch my drift.

    Im am going to have to bite the bullet and explain EXACTLY how I want shadow to be looked after. No ifs or buts. Its my dog and you will treat her EXACTLY the same way I do.........or we wont look after your dog next time. :)

    I will speak to them, they are human, and lee's parents, not trolls. They will understand even if I have to repeat myself a zillion times.

    Wish me luck.
     
  11. andy.

    andy. New Member

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    hehe good luck i'm glad you are going for it, i suggest you write it down for them then they can't just forget it :) and you wont have to repeat yourself, maybe also print out some evidence supporting your training methods so thay dont just do what they think is best, and i hope you have a great trip :D
     
  12. Doberluv

    Doberluv Active Member

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    Sounds like an exciting trip. You're going to love it and have a wonderful time.

    I think if you put it to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that makes it look like you are also thinking about them and their ease of caring for your dog, it will go a long way. It's better not to put them on the defensive. If you explain as if your dog is unique....very sensative and you're working so hard to train her and have come a long way and here are some ideas to make your time with my dog easier on you.....bla bla bla. LOL. If Lee is a nice person and is good to you, then I'm sure his parents couldn't be that bad or he wouldn't have turned out so nice.

    I have been that way too, believe it or not. I've come around a little bit but I had to realize that it is not so much to please the other people, but it was really to please myself...to make other people like or accept me more.... and that's narcissistic and not a good reason. So, I've been working on it too. You just have to state your mind in a nice way, but make your opinions known. They count.

    Good luck and don't worry. You will have a wonderful trip!
     
  13. Dreeza

    Dreeza Active Member

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    thats a REALLY good idea...definately write it out...make it really easy to read...short bulleted statements...it should help a TON...

    tell them if they yell at shadow, she'll bite them, lol

    and also, while yes, they should understand that their method is incorrect...if they are those people who refuse to understand that...then i actually wouldnt insult their way...say something acknowledging that you know they treat their dog differently than you do, and you arent asking them to change that, but since they are watching YOUR dog, to treat her in the ways that you have so nicely written down :) You dont want them to get insulted, and make them decide that "hey, we are gonna try OUR methods on shadow, and therefore 'prove' they work" ya know? haha i hope that made sense
     
  14. Doberluv

    Doberluv Active Member

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    Hey that sounds good Andy and Dreeza!
     

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