When you have a disagreement/fight with your SO...

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by ACooper, Feb 1, 2013.

?

How are disagreements gotten over at your house?

  1. A simple apology is enough.

    40 vote(s)
    93.0%
  2. Labor or service normally fixes the problem.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. GIFTS!!! Who doesn't love gifts?

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. A combination of the above.

    3 vote(s)
    7.0%
  1. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    How does the 'guilty party' normally make it up?

    Do you (or they) expect a gift? Labor/service of some sort? Does an apology cover it.........how about after they've let it go on for a week or more?

    When Kevin and I disagree, a gift is not an acceptable choice because any time I look at it I just think of why I have it. We joke about it....*out shopping, see HUGE diamond and say* Uh ya, next time you screw up......... But the reality is I would/could never enjoy it for a minute so what's the point?

    I see other couples give gifts as apologies and I don't know how they do it, I wish I could.........Kevin wishes I could too 'cause it's easier for him than saying he was wrong, LOL
     
  2. Julee

    Julee UNSTOPPABLE

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    We... don't fight. Like, ever. Hahaha.

    If we did, make-up sex would be the way to go.
     
  3. stardogs

    stardogs Behavior Nerd

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    We just admit it if we were wrong and/or say sorry. Or we come to a compromise. No tokens or dramatic actions required. We also never go to bed angry, so no time to buy gifts. ;)
     
  4. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    :lol-sign: Well make up sex is for AFTER the make up!

    Noway I'd give out make up sex BEFORE we made up! ahahahahah
     
  5. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    We don't really fight..... We are pretty boring and just get over it. I hate fights, so usually a hug is all I want!
     
  6. Julee

    Julee UNSTOPPABLE

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    Fine - an apology and hug and then get to it. :rofl1:
     
  7. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    Kevin and I have been married 14 years. There are 5 children involved, a mortgage, we live a mile away from his parents, plenty of work to be shared, etc........so there are going to be disagreements. Albeit not NEARLY as many as most of our friends (married or dating) we average about 1 good fight/disagreement a year and then a few small ones here and there.

    I miss 'the good old days' of dating when we didn't really have anything to disagree about! LOL
     
  8. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    It depends on whether the fight was about a gift or not. :p


    In all seriousness, we have little bicker-fights but I can't remember the last time we had an all out FIGHT fight. It would never occur to me to expect or give a gift as an apology after a fight, though.
     
  9. Moth

    Moth Mild and Slightly Nutty

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    We talk it out once we are calm and apologies are made and that is that :)
     
  10. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    On the rare occassion that we argue we always end with us both apologiZing and we hug :) IMO, there is no single guilty party. If we argue we hold equal reaponsibility for te argument
     
  11. *blackrose

    *blackrose "I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"

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    If we have a disagreement, an apology is enough, coupled with actions that actually show the other that we really are indeed sorry.

    Course, I can't really think of any one time we've actually "faught".
     
  12. Taqroy

    Taqroy Active Member

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    With an apology. Matt's much better at accepting apologies than I am. Usually it takes me awhile to let go of being angry and accept that he's sorry. Gifts feel like bribery to me and my anger will not be bought.

    I've always gone by my dad's rule: if someone is wrong and they apologize and the apology is sincere then you HAVE to accept it and move on. And while moving on doesn't necessarily mean forgetting it does mean that you can't bring it up at every opportunity and throw it in the other person's face. However if they're just apologizing so they can say they did you're free to say **** 'em and hold a grudge for as long as you want. :p

    It's really important to me for people to own their actions. When I apologize I say "I was wrong to do <such and such> and I'm really sorry that I hurt your feelings. Please forgive me." It bothers me when people don't state what they're apologizing for and WHY they were wrong.
     
  13. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    Why do they say not to go to bed angry? I have always wondered why they say not to. My OH & I have I admit, gone to bed angry before, but not in a while.

    I posted something in the venting thread that was relationship related because I didn't see this one lol ... But I guess this really isn't a venting thread.
     
  14. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    An apology-it takes a lot for DH to admit fault and apologize, so I think that's fair. I would also accept a puppy as a token of apology :p
     
  15. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    I know a lot of people won't go to bed angry because, well, there's no guarantee that you will wake up, and they don't want to leave their partner without resolving the issue.
     
  16. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

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    If we argue it's usually not a right vs. wrong sort of thing...it's more about having different perspectives or goals or something like that. Honestly we are in pretty close alignment on the big things so a major argument is very very rare...I can think of only one in all the years we've been married. So really it's a matter of hearing each other out and understanding why...and then we can usually come up with some sort of compromise.

    While we disagree on things, it's not very often that we are actually angry at each other, if that makes sense.

    That said if we did argue and hubby attempted to "make up" by buying me something, I would be furious lol. Fortunately he has never done that. Smart man ;)
     
  17. skittledoo

    skittledoo Crazy naked dog lady

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    I selected all of the above. Usually a simple apology is honestly fine by both of us, but often times there's an apology along with one of the other options.
     
  18. DJEtzel

    DJEtzel New Member

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    Brian and I never really have intense fights, nor fights that last for more than a day. Sometimes we bicker and have little fights about how we don't agree with the way the other does something (usually dog related, admittedly) and we sit down and frown and argue until we come to a compromise/apology... we never go to bed angry, either. I couldn't do that... I need things to be OK between me and whomever I'm fighting with, I can't just let stuff go unless it's SUPER insignificant.

    Then make up sex. Just cause. Usually neither of us has anything to really make up for... just differences in opinion. It would be weird if we bought each other gifts as an apology, I couldn't do that. Occasionally after a larger fight one of us will go and get the other a card and some sort of little sentiment to remind the other of how much we mean to each other though. That's AFTER the apology and the dust has cleared though.
     
  19. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Why shouldn't you go to bed angry? Because it just makes it worse. No one gets any sleep, you stew on it all night and then the next day not only are you still angry but you are angry and sleep deprived.

    We are watching the "love and respect series" at church and it is really awesome. I totally recommend it whether you are religious or secular. Emerson (i don't know his last name) is really good. He is FUNNY and he really gets his message across without being preachy or aanything. Lots of good info about how to get out of these fight cycles that couples can fall into :)
     
  20. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    I actually tend to calm down and get more rational when I have slept on an argument.
     

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