What is love at first sight? or did the bond take time?

Discussion in 'Dogs - General Dog Chat' started by Fran101, Mar 30, 2013.

  1. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    The other thread had some really interesting responses so please share. What was the process like for bonding with your dog, did it take time? happen right away? was there a moment or just gradual familiarity? that kind of thing.

    Merlin is only 6 months old.
    But it certainly wasn't an instant bond. When I found out HE was mine I was very happy because he was one of my favorites from pictures and the first day I saw him at the breeders I thought he was very cute, as all puppies are.. but there was no *instant connection* so to speak. In fact, for the 2 days I spent at the breeders I was HORRIFIED that this puppy did not like me and that I wasn't crying or feeling anything. We went to puppy class with the breeder while I was there and he didn't even look at me or listen.. honestly, that first night at the breeders was tough. I was ELATED to have a puppy, to be there, to meet them, he was such a sweet boy but there was this nagging "aren't I supposed to feel..I dunno.. something more?"

    We had our first trickle of a bond only when we were alone together, at the airport, waiting to fly home. when it was finally just me and him he was cuddling in my lap and I was like "yup, this is my dog" :)

    but the week or so after were FULL of doubts, ups and downs, a fear period I thought for sure was the end of the world, etc..
    It was honestly only when house training was OVER, when the fear period was all but gone and forgotten and my happy, bubbly, sweet, bouncy Merlin began to really blossom that I started to LOVE Merlin.

    I brought him home Dec 14th and only really started to feel a real BOND with him on January 5th.. Not just because he was my cute puppy but because I really liked the dog he was becoming. I remember the exact day because I was in my apartment on this dreary day reading and he was bouncing around and I was taking pictures of him and I just..knew.

    It took a month from him coming home for me to LIKE him.
    and another for me to LOVE him.. feb 14th he alerted to an upcoming seizure and it really solidified that he was the RIGHT dog.
    Month two (feb) was also the month I stopped STRESSING, I threw out the training log and lists and things he should know and just enjoyed him. It improved our relationship by leaps and bounds. Merlin is a smart dog, he has plenty of time to learn but having silly fun and going out and getting dirty and getting ice cream..that really helped us.

    but even today, it's a process. I love him, of course I do..but the process of truly bonding with him as he grows is a process, Merlin is growing and changing everyday it seems so we are both kind of learning each other in a sense.
    I adore him because he is Merlin, my gooberhead and very much my dog. He loves me because well, he does lol no doubts about that.

    but I feel like the real human/dog bond for us is something that is still growing and changing as he grows and changes everyday.

    So my answer for us is..
    1 month for me to like him
    2 months for me to LOVE him
    and for us to truly bond, work in progress :) we are getting there, but there is so much growing and changing for him to do, he is only 6 months old!

    YOUR TURNS :)
     
  2. JacksonsMom

    JacksonsMom Active Member

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    First, I love Merlin, sooo glad you ended up with him.

    Honestly? Jackson and I bonded pretty much right away.

    I mean, when I first picked him up, it was super awkward (BYB in Baltimore City, and there was another lady there at the same time picking a puppy), so we kinda did the "Wanna switch?" thing and switched puppies and, well, I ended up with Jackson (the second puppy I held). Then the breeder proceeded to tell me "that's the one who gets sick in the car" :rolleyes: and I'm like oh great.

    When we got into the car, he puked within 10 minutes and I had a moment of ... crap, what did I do? Did I pick the wrong one, should I even be getting a puppy? lol. I don't really even know what got into me honestly. I was 18 and just decided I wanted a dog of my own. But I've never made such an impulse decision (I think I started looking at dogs and then three weeks later, I had one!)

    We got home, though, and I opened the crate, and this happened:
    [​IMG]

    And honestly, it was like bam... this is MY dog. And we definitely really bonded that first day.

    I'm not going to lie and say there wasn't some frustrating times with him, within the first 6 months, just normal puppy stuff, etc, but that overall bond was always there. I don't know how to explain it. But there will never be another dog like Jackson for me.
     
  3. ruffiangirl

    ruffiangirl New Member

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    With Bristol it was the first time I held her, she was 3 days old. BUT I had come to accept that I wasn't going to have another baby, and especially a girl baby so I transferred that to Bristol, like I said she saved my sanity at the very least.

    Gage, within a week, he was an 8 month old giant assed puppy that needed a home, my home, IMO, a home that would love him, and not breed or re-home him.

    Diesel, he took longer to bond with us, but now he is ours 100% I don't know if he would even remember his old family.
     
  4. Saeleofu

    Saeleofu Active Member

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    Gavroche was love at first sight. Literally, the very first time I saw him, I KNEW he was special, and that he needed to be mine. That's why it was so hard to bear knowing I couldn't have him. And then suddenly I could :D He is without a shadow of a doubt my heart dog.

    Logan was a bit different. When I saw his brother Amos on the breeder's website, I thought THIS IS THE DOG I NEED. After talking with the breeder, she decided Logan was a better fit (he wasn't listed on the website). I still had a feeling that THIS IS IT when I saw him and heard about him. When I first met him at the airport, he was a super sweet dog, and he had his head in my face for the entire ride to the breeder's place. Over the next day and a half I started to get to know him, and then we were on our way home. I liked him the moment I met him, but the bond just wasn't the same. It took about a year to be madly in love with him (though I still loved him before that!), and now that he's working it's a totally different relationship. It's a bond that is just as deep as my bond with Gavroche, but it's different. With Gavroche it's pure love and adoration. With Logan, it's more of love mixed with deep, deep respect with a dash of symbiosis. It's really hard to explain. And even now, our relationship only gets better and better the longer he's working.
     
  5. Locke

    Locke Active Member

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    I'm not sure if I ever truly bonded with our first dog Tippy. We got her when I was 3 years old, and I loved her so much, but she hated me...probably because I dressed her in doll clothes and dragged her around the house and stuff. I wanted her to like me the most, but she always chose me last. Once I grew up, we got along better, and I loved her, but not deeply.

    Matrix was our second foster puppy for a dog guide organization, so as much as I loved him and enjoyed having him around, I did not let myself get attached because I thought I'd never see him again after he went for training. After he was disqualified for having HD, I jumped at the chance of adopting him and we bonded right away. We had our ups and downs, especially while I was being an angsty teen, and he was diagnosed with epilepsy and went through a major fear/aggressive phase, but he was always MY dog. We grew apart when I adopted Mitch, and I wanted nothing to do with him after Mitch died, but I'm starting to let him back into my heart.


    It wasn't love at first sight with Mitch, but I felt drawn to him in some way the first time we met. He wasn't an easy dog to like, very stubborn, sort of wild, but I think he was so much like me that we bonded quickly and deeply. He was my ideal dog, and I still feel like I lost a part of myself when he died. I've never been as happy as I was when he was alive.
     
  6. MandyPug

    MandyPug Sport Model Pug

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    I never bonded with the family dogs. I'm sure that deep down I knew they are not my dogs.

    With Izzie it was love at first sight, stars aligning type thing. She was tearing around and saw me and basically climbed me to scream at me and at that moment I was like "yup, this is my dog". Now we're pretty much an old married couple. Love this little dog.
     
  7. frostfell

    frostfell Kung Pow Fish

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    I joke that dogs dont grow brains until theyre over a year and maybe this has biased me against puppies, but I never really bond to my dogs until theyre adults. Kitty is my heart and soul and soulmate and Ill die when she goes, and I didnt even really *like* her until she was over 2, and then it was like WOW where did this awesome amazing funny smart fantastic dog COME FROM?!

    I find it very easy to rehome young dogs that arent working out, because I dont bond to them right away so I guess I have a more objective outlook on it? But that was all thrown out the window with Tori. Maybe its because I whelped her and rubbed her and helped her take her first breath, maybe its because I laid in the whelping box with her for 3 weeks and cuddled with her when they started walking. Maybe because this is the first dog Iv ever owned that I actually OWNED from the moment of birth. She was firstborn, last to breathe, pain in the *** from the start. The owner of the bitch would give me this Look and say "you know shes yours, right?" and her puppyname was Trouble. Whatever the reason, Im hopelessly in love with her, nearly as much as I am with Kitty. And it was instantaneous. And this has never happened before :rofl1:
     
  8. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    Well, the first thing I said when I saw Sally was "That dog has pit in it. If it's not gone by Saturday I'm calling animal control." Definitely not love at first sight--yet, 8 years later she's curled up on our recliner as I type this. I don't think it was instant with Jack either--it didn't take me a long time to bond with the dogs, it just wasn't instant.
     
  9. k9krazee

    k9krazee Active Member

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    Love at first sight!!!

    I instantly thought he was exactly what I had hoped he'd be and more. He was also perfect for the 10 hour car ride and we had so much fun in the hotel room. We met up with friends halfway and Crossbone liked them but it was clear even less than 24 hours after getting him them at he was OURS. The next week we went to my parent'a house and he cried when Ken & I left.

    Our bond only grows closer everyday and our lives revolve around him. It feels like he's always been with us. He's now evolved into a cuddle monster and seems to love us best (and equally too! I love that he doesn't play favorites)
     
  10. Cali Mae

    Cali Mae Little dog, big voice

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    I think it was, in a way, love at first sight.

    I adored her the moment we got her, although like others, I can't say there weren't moments when I didn't get frustrated with her during housetraining and just training in general.

    I think we only really started to form a solid bond at maybe the six month mark. Although she does have a solid bond with my mom as well, but it's a different type of bond. She prefers to hang out with me during the day but likes sleeping with my mom at night. It actually used to offend me almost but then once I figured she spends all day with me, I could understand. :p
     
  11. BostonBanker

    BostonBanker Active Member

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    With Meg, I'd say it took about 3 weeks for me to really fall in love. When I first met her, and my friend swore "This is your dog", I thought she was ugly, scared, and I could see she was limping. Not exactly my future agility dog. I agreed to foster her for a bit and see.

    Three weeks later, my friend and I were camping out in my car waiting for concert tickets, and Meg was snuggled between us under a blanket and being her usual endearing self, and my friend said "You know you are keeping this dog, right?". And I looked at Meg and got all misty eyed and said yes. From there on out, most things were just easy with her. It took a lot to build up her confidence and turn her into an agility dog, but as a companion and pet, she was just naturally my other half.

    Gusto was a lot harder. I'd been working on getting permission to bring him home, and then my mother surprised me by picking him up and having him in the laundry room when I got home. I remember him crawling all over my head as I picked him up and thinking "Holy crap, what the heck do I do now?!".

    He's harder dog to bond with for me. He's amazing and fun and funny and clever, but he's less interested in me than Meg is, and much more interested in the world around him. He'll snuggle up tight when we are hanging out on the couch or in bed, but sometimes barely gives me a passing glance when we are out and about. Training with him has helped immensely. He adores shaping and games and will get really into that sort of thing.

    The point where I really knew he was mine was when he was was so sick from his poisoning last year. He lost his vision for a bit, and we weren't even sure if he was going to live, and all I was thinking (in between bouts of bawling) was "what do I need to do and know to keep a blind dog happy and safe". There was no question of letting him go or finding a way to replace him with another dog I could do sports with - I was going to alter my life to make sure he could stay in it.
     
  12. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    Different people bond differently. When we work with parents who are adopting children we tell them that if they don't feel love straight away, not to feel let down. Some people love the kids before they have them, some take a long time to get to know them.

    I don't know when I bonded with Bodhi. I know we always clicked, but I do remember having moment when I wondered what possessed me to get a puppy :D

    I never felt that way with Fred, but on some levels I think we are still bonding.

    I love him unconditionally, and we are still working each other out :) he is a baby after all!
     
  13. houlahoops

    houlahoops New Member

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    As much as I love my dad's dogs (the Coton and the curs), I never really bonded closely with them. I love Liberty...don't get me wrong...he's a fabulous little dog and smart and funny but poorly trained and only really into my dad. We got him when I was very young, and I think that made it harder for me to connect with him in a good way (I really knew nothing about dogs).

    Bailey...I bonded with him right away and it broke my heart when he was given to my sister as a service dog--although it suits him.

    I did not like Mammoth at all from the get-go. I knew we were keeping him as soon as he got out of the car although he was a "foster", but this was not the dog I had been begging my parents for. This was an 11-year-old mangy German Shepherd who was blind as a fire hydrant and did not once wag his tail in the first month and a half we had him home. But I took him for walks, slept on the basement floor with him, hung up on potential adopters and bawled my heart out when my mom decided to take him to the shelter to be put down.

    My dad intervened and he was mine and he was The Best Dog Ever. He was dog aggressive, old, blind, and mostly deaf. But he was always a step-and-a-half behind me, and he trusted with everything he had. He was indifferent towards everyone else in the house, but when I spoke he would wiggle and leap and smile. We were bonded well before I realized that we were.

    Ooh sorry that was longer than I expected. I'm missing my boy lately!
     
  14. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    This is hard for me to answer, but I think we pretty much bonded right away. Many of you know the story already, but I'll share for those of you who don't:

    About a month before my 16th birthday, my Dad told me we were going to the pet store to pick out a puppy for me. I had been EXTREMELY depressed for the past few months, and at this point, I didn't really care. I didn't even argue about getting a puppy from a pet store (something I had already strongly opposed), my extent of happiness was like "yeah puppies are cool", and even though I had been asking for a puppy for the past 10 years, I was completely apathetic towards the idea at that point.

    Three days later, I told Milo my family would take good care of him, and swallowed 60 tranquilizers, landing myself in ICU and then psychiatric for the next month.

    However - the night I brought him home, and let him sleep in my bed, I didn't sleep more than a few minutes and hadn't in months...I do remember looking over at him and feeling something. Which is more than I can say for any other human or animal creature for a long time before that. My dad video taped him playing while I was in medical, and I watched him on VHS on the hospital TV. He even got to visit me when I was in psych, not sure how my family pulled that one off. I wanted to go home to be with my puppy. And when I did get home, we were completely attached. We still are.

    So, I'd say we bonded pretty much right away, but it wasn't a typical situation.
     
  15. StillandSilent

    StillandSilent New Member

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    It took about three days with Gambit. I fell in hard lust with his picture online, and the shelter told every lie in the book to get me to take him. Then I pulled up to the shelter and an employee was taking Gambit for a 'walk'. What that turned out to mean was she carried him outside, put him in the grass and he fell over because he hadn't felt grass since he was a feral 12 week old puppy. I got there just in time to see him tip over and lay there like a dead mantis bug. Then he couldn't look at me, had to be carried to the car, and barfed before we made it back to the highway. If I hadn't brought another person along for the 5 hour ride, I would have cried the entire way home. Then I got him home, and found out he could escape 2 different types of crate, he wouldn't eat, drink, or pee for three days and I really did cry. Then, on night four, he let himself out of the crate and walked over to my bed. He put his little chin on the side of the bed and just looked at me. Just like that, it was love. Tiny, fragile, love, but love just the same.

    Argon was harder to bond with, because I had never really dealt with an aloof dog before. He loved me, but didn't show it in typical ways. I probably had him 3 or 4 months before I really felt the bond. There was no actual moment when I knew I loved him, I just looked back one day and realized I did.

    Folly, my foster dog, is bonded to me, and me to her, but not in a way that I would ever consider making her my dog. We're bonded enough for me to want what's best for her, and what's best for her is a different home with a different owner.
     
  16. *blackrose

    *blackrose "I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"

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    Different things for different dogs. :)

    With my childhood dogs, it was pretty much love at first sight. I was a kid, and any dog that showed up would have been loved. ^^ But all of them were great with us. They adored us kids, were protective of us, tolerated all kinds of crap from us, and were just awesome dogs.

    Chloe was "my" first dog, as in I picked her out and she was 100% my responsibility. I think it was love at first sight with her, too. I had known about this litter and told myself, "Andrea, you don't need a long haired, vocal, extremely active dog at this point in your life." Annnnd...then I saw Chloe and new she was MINE. When she was growing up there were quite a few times I was in tears due to her aggression issues. She was MINE and I didn't want to give her up or have her euthanized, but I couldn't have her endangering my family. Luckily, she responded to behavior modification and my family learned to read her better, so they feel (mostly) comfortable caring for her now that I can't due to my living situation. And even though I only see her every few weeks now, she's still very much MINE. Just like my kitty. <3

    With Mike's dogs, Cynder was a "like at first sight". I met Cynder before I met Mike, as he was living with my friend at the time. I thought of her as a very nice, calm, somewhat reserved, polite dog. And super cute, like a mini-Lab. Tried as I could to get her to like me, she didn't really care for me. I take it as a great honor that when we got back from vacation, she was almost just as excited to see me as she was Mike. Although I don't have the bond with her that I have with, say, Chloe, I don't really expect to because she is so much Mike's dog. And that's fine.

    With Gracie and Cooper...I'm still struggling to bond with them. They are my dogs in the sense that I take care of them, live with them, and take them places with me...but they aren't MINE like Chloe is, and my childhood dogs were. I would be upset if something were to happen to them, and I'd miss them if we rehomed them just like I'd miss a long term foster...but I wouldn't be devastated. Even if we have them for the next decade until they pass away, I don't know if they will ever be MINE. They'll be my dogs...but they won't be MINE. If that makes any sense.

    I'm hoping with Future Puppy, the bond will be instantaneous like all of my past dogs have been. Even though he's being picked out for me by the breeder, I'm hoping to still have that love-at-first-sight thing. Sadie was picked out for us, but she was definitely love at first sight. And had she not graduated from the program with flying colors, she'd definitely still be a part of the family. Even though she's not ours, she kind of still is a part of the family.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2013
  17. RD

    RD Are you dead yet?

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    I liked Eve immediately. Took her a few weeks to bond to me, and after a month or two we were super tight.
     
  18. Baxter'smybaby

    Baxter'smybaby swimming upstream

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    Traveler was easy--she was a pup and and a lab--bonding done. :)

    Baxter--it was the moment after I walked him and his brother at the shelter--and went to take them back in, Baxter turned around and put his paws on my chest and looked me in the eyes--I was done. It was like he was begging me not to send him back in there. He's my boy.

    Wilson--it was love via his picture posting (through a link on the rescue forum here on chaz)---and all the time waiting for him to make his way here. When we picked him up, he so quickly was a part of us it was kind of amazing.
     
  19. LostAndConfused

    LostAndConfused Active Member

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    Awww, Fran.

    Hudson was funny. I watched every week as the breeder put up pictures of the puppies. Sunday was the highlight of my week. I talked to the breeder regularly on FB about the different puppies and their personalities, what was important to me. On week 7 they do one of the puppy temperament testing....tests. Before that, I had loved all of the puppies. Little Cupid just had the sweetest eyes, Posideon looked like a rough and tumble boy and the two black & whites were just adorable. Puppy Thor always had the sweetest head tilt in his pictures and Zeus had the littlest, stubbiest tail.

    Then the breeder told me which one was mine.....Thor. It was love. I went through the pictures (again) and decided that he was the best out of all of them. He had the sweetest face, always looking & watching (which he still does) and I had commented on his expression a few times through out the 7 weeks of waiting.

    We went and picked 3 puppies up and I joked that I was going to keep the best one. I think I did that. I had 2 crates in my car. One wire 20" that I brought and a 20" plastic Vari-kennel that was going to go with one of the puppies. Hudson went in the wire one and the other two went into the plastic kennel. At first, Hudson was whiny, then it switched to the other two and he settled down and went to sleep.
    [​IMG]

    After we dropped the other two puppies off, he was alone in his crate. I turned around to check on him and he was standing closest to the front seats, just watching. I fell in love again.

    I'm not sure the bond was there immediately, but he trusted me 100% from the very beginning and has been a total love. I would definitely say there is a bond there, but I don't think it was there immediately. It grew and changed and I'm sure it will continue to do so.
     
  20. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

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    Nikki I loved from the moment I saw her. I don't know the driving force behind all that. I decided I needed a sheltie puppy and found an ad in the paper, talked my parents into going there 'just to look', reached in the box the puppies were in and pulled Nikki out. I never looked back. They couldn't even get me to look at the other two puppies. The couple that owned the parents warned me that I picked out the mean one. :p We weren't even out of the driveway before she had a name and was snuggled up next to me. She was an awesome dog, just truly incredible. And they were right- she was a little bit mean.

    Summer I got at 4 years old. I'd known her since she was 3 months old because she was the breeder's keeper puppy from the litter that was born before Beau's. The first thing I remember about Summer was that she was not a very cute pup. She was really gangly looking and her markings as a pup were weird. They lightened out a lot more even than they were there. Over the years I got to know Summer and loved her. She was just so friendly and was always in my lap when we were over.

    I'd wanted a dog SO BAD for two years before getting her. I was in college so very dog deprived and my apartment decided to allow pets under 20 lbs. So when her breeder offered her to me, I jumped on it. Went to pick her up and she seemed really depressed/confused in the car ride. Then Beau tried to hump her for about a week straight which made her angry. Once we got to the apartment where she was the only dog, it got better.... and worse at the same time. Discovered her separation anxiety but other than that, I loved her a lot. I just was all happy about having A DOG. So we did everything together and we did bond pretty well but there wasn't an instant connection like with Nik. It wasn't really until my mom got sick and I had to leave Summer (and the others) with her breeder for a while that I realized how much I loved Summer. Summer came back from that being my girl entirely and keeping a watchful eye on me. When we went to leave that last time from the breeder's she got upset and wanted to make darn sure she was coming with me. She's such a good girl.
     

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