Vibes/wishes/anything please for my friend!

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by StephyMei1112, Jul 20, 2012.

  1. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    (((((Stephy)))))) You're the best kind of friend. You've gotten excellent advice here, especially from Yoko and Romy.

    Yes, if there is any way possible, go get her and bring her home with you. You can work on what's next then.
     
  2. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    The dog is an equal - but I've had alot of bfs...
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    Sigh Thanks everyone

    Indeed the report has been filed - but I am still trying to get thru to her personally of course....her whatsapp hasn't been on since last night and she still isn't picking up her phone. or answering texts. Hope she does soon - even if it is to say "F*ck you, I'm fine and going back home now" - perfect answer actually, and hope it's the one I get...

    She's been there for me in the most difficult trying times; She's quite a few years younger than me but she is infinitely wise beyond her years - she's a great, inexhaustible, compassionate, and loving friend, I can't not try to give her back all that she's given me in life right now in her time of trouble.

    Once when I was crying and really down and out myself (my parents were really hard on me, I had been dumped by my bf at the time, and another friendship had ended all at once) - she said to me (in Chinese) -

    "You can't rely on your family; Fine, neither can I - ditto for millions of other people. Your boyfriend left - screw him and good riddance, saves you the trouble of shaking the a*shole off later anyways. Your friend ditched you - her loss and stupidity, not yours. So f&cking what?! We've got each other, we'll always have each other and I am not someone that will ever leave you till you are OK. I'm NOT leaving - get it? I don't care if you kick, scream or beat me - I am NOT moving an inch away from you till I'm sure and you're sure that you are f*cking alright! so deal with it."

    She then proceeded to clamp me in a bear hug that lasted nearly 2 hours with me bawling all the way through. I have spent possibly thousands of hours with her in the course of our knowing each other, We've been through 4 AM phone calls, 7 AM texts, midnight drives and clinging onto each other for dear life and everything else - and I plan on having her around for many more years to come along with more happy memories. If she can pull through this we need to work on starting to get her life together - otherwise it's just more of this in the future and it's ultimately going to be a ugly ending.
     
  3. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Maybe you should send her that same message -- verbatim? It might get through to her <3
     
  4. Kaydee

    Kaydee Guest

    This. Now. That's what best friends are for. You want her to be physically with you. Maybe she just needs time with you to decompress, if she needs to go to the hospital know you're there for her {{{Hugs}}}
     
  5. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Police got ahold of her - she notified me herself...

    She's not happy - she says she's feeling a "mixture" of feelings (translated directly from her chinese text) and that she doesn't want to say much to me right now... As long as she's safe I feel relief...
     
  6. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Oh man. I can't imagine.

    I think I would go nuts and just be totally blunt. she keeps saying she doesnt' want to put all her problems on you and such ...w ell she should know just exactly how this is affecting YOU. how this back and forth on whether she's alive or not is affecting you, your sleep, your life. If she doesnt' want to put all her problems on you then she needs to be in contact with you for that to fix the problem. The PROBLEM is she keeps leaving you wondering and worrying.

    I know confrontation will only make it worse but OY I don't know how you haven't totally snapped under the pressure her non responses are putting on you.

    It's so unfair for her to keep making these threats and get you all worked up only to go off and do whatever she's doing and leave you totally clueless KNOWING you must be worried out of your mind.

    I know this should be about her but I can't help but think about YOU. This is going to be TOTALLY unpopular but this is why I feel suicide is totally selfish... especially the constant threats. :( I know she can only think about how bad this is for her but it's terrible that she has no regard for how terrible this is for you
     
  7. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    I know - but honestly...all I care about is that she's safe, sound, and well.

    She's been there for me for hours upon end, counseling me thru an inexhaustible amount of texts, repeating the phrases "It's going to be all ok", "you'll be fine", "不用擔心 : )" (No worries) perhaps hundreds if not thousands of times. I just see it as well...she's been thru hell for me - who am I not to repay it back in patience, time, energy, and anything else I can do?

    True I've come close to a nervous breakdown more than once in this ordeal and may come close to one again - but...I don't know, I don't feel it hard on myself - but just washed over by a tide of relief and happiness that she's fine. As long as she's fine...I'm good too.
     
  8. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Ok, we had abit of a confrontation about things just a hour or so ago thru texts. She's pissed, frustrated, sad, mad and really fed up of everything in general and the police issue just pushed it way over the top.

    I expressed my frustration, anger, worry, and anxiety to her as well and how stressful and one sided this particular situation was and that we should be fair to each other. Her exact response loses alot in translation (we texted in Chinese) but I can safely say she's gone beyond the realm of simply not caring about much anymore.

    She doesn't want to talk for a while and things got abit eerie towards the end - she said very indiscreet things like "all will be at peace" "you'll see how things go" "It's pointless to keep talking now" etc. I'll continue to keep an eye on her and will report anything funny again. But I do hope she gets out of this phase, stays out of it for good and gets her life together. Seriously I told her even if she does volunteer work, cashier at the local pet supply store that's a few blocks away from my house, waitress - whatever - it'll be something to get things going in her life. At the end of the day, I can't do anything if she won't - it's her life and her decision to make. She means the world to me but if she won't take the initiative regardless of whatever amount of convincing....

    I'm tired yet restless, frustrated, angry, sad, yet in some way relieved - with full knowledge that something may come up again tomorrow or the days following though. It's strange - but what isn't in life?
     
  9. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    She was undergoing hormone therapy when I first met her - she got her surgery around a year later with other "changes" occurring during and after the procedure. She's tall, slim, beautiful and more stunning looking than even "naturally" born women. People's eyes nearly pop out if they hear she's trans.

    She's not a person without scandal - people told me really nasty things about her, people said she had "intentions" with me so on and so forth. But I disregarded all of it and I gained a beautiful, wise, generous to no limits, infinitely sweet, and incredible friend. I can't help but think back to that time though and moments between us throughout the years...that the part about her having "intentions" with me - could have been partially true.

    She was quite possessive in the beginning; Insecure in general but she would send me messages or call me randomly asking me what I was doing, where I was at, could I chat etc. If I would say I was out at dinner with someone else or with friends her voice would tense up or sink in disappointment, I'd ask her if she was ok or if something was wrong after; "No, I'm ok..." she'd reply.

    If however I said I was alone or at home or just off work or something she'd perk up and ask if she could meet me or could I pick her up or could I buy her dinner or go over to watch DVD's with her... And for some reason she was quite protective over me against other girls - but she wasn't threatened (as much) or felt as bad towards my bf's or guys that I socialized or went out with. She hasn't ONCE tried to sabotage a relationship of mine - romantic or otherwise, but has expressed her displeasure at some of my other gfs and my spending time with them (it didn't go down well, I stood my ground and she didn't really back down either..) as well as telling me to quit one guy or OUR friendship was over - I chose the friendship and the guy ended up being a total creep so it was fine.

    I found these habits abit odd and perhaps even odder when she carried on with them when she had a boyfriend of her own later. I chose to put alot of it down to the hormone therapy and general insecurity, but looking back now I can't help but think...she perhaps may indeed have had something more than friendship in her heart for me.

    However she was supportive of my dating, gave excellent advice on my relationship troubles, and even acted as a incredible go-between person when I froze my bf at the time out. She encouraged him to spend more time with me and see things in my way.... But she was still really possessive of me during that time as well. So it's such a contradiction and will remain abit of a mystery I guess.

    We have NOT done anything sexual, I've seen her nude once in a change room and she's seen me topless twice. Both were in non-sexual situations. She's kissed me (cheeks, forehead, face etc and lips a few times) and vice versa - certainly our friendship has been/is very intimate and close - it's not so in a romantic context at all. At least in my perspective, can't quite say for her...

    Anyways, I thank everyone profusely for advice, patience, and for listening to me and reading this thread and I hope my next update is a happy one about her =)
     
  10. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    You've done everything you can. You're right -- now she has to take some initiative. All anyone else can do is be supportive, listen, nudge and be aware of red flags, which is exactly what you're doing. :)

    Hormones play bloody hell with emotions, too. Someone has to be incredibly strong to undergo gender reassignment, and I can only imagine that the continual, long term balancing of hormones gets very difficult.
     
  11. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    You are 100% right. It is her life, and at the end of the day, if she wants to do it, she will do it, there is nothing you can do or say. Please, don't beat yourself up if anything happens. You went and did all you can, it's all up to her now to take the steps into getting help.
     
  12. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    I'm quite numb...

    I know it's up to her and I shouldn't feel guilty in the event of something but still...
     
  13. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Oh God....

    She's throwing a fit again tonight. I really hope it doesn't last and is easily vented.

    I genuinely care for her but this is very exhausting - I imagine it must be quite excruciating for her as well; she's said on more than one occasion she is tired of "her own drama and life's pains". So still, as exasperated as I am now...can't help but being more concerned for her....
     
  14. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Hang onto your own sanity. If you let yourself get stretched too thin you won't be able to hold steady.

    Breathe. In and out. Don't let her drama become yours -- acknowledge it, reach out to her, but don't take it into yourself. It's difficult . . .
     
  15. Kayla

    Kayla New Member

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    ^^^^

    This, I send you so many zen vibes. I have a very close friend in a similar situation and it is so hard and heartbreaking. I found councelling for myself after she had a sucide attempt. I learnt so many helpful things about nursuing myself and also ways to be an advocate for your loved one/ friend/ family member while still having boundaries that nurse yourself.

    You are a really amazing friend, and human being.

    There are lots of great things to read about things to do to feel zen that I recommend.

    You need to find support for yourself, because loving someone through sucidial thoughts, or actions has a huge toll on your spirit.
     
  16. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    She's quite...volatile.

    She said she's tired of being a wreck, disappointing herself and others, of constantly feeling hurt and betrayed and abandoned and sorry for herself and that she's just quite exhausted. She said she doesn't quite know where to go either, that she's scared to move one way or the other. Her last message was "I don't think u quite get it. Good bye."

    I don't fear she will try something at this moment from that message - but she is probably in turmoil and my heart is aching.

    Thanks so much Renee - you always have great, sound, wise counsel - something in common with my friend.

    Kayla,

    Thanks alot too. What you say does make sense and I'm sorry about your experience and your friend. The Kuvasz is quite a support and soothing factor actually - she challenges me, intrigues, entertains, frustrates, and relaxes me and focusing on her does help alot. I've done the counseling thing before and perhaps it was just the wrong counselor but it didn't do much for me personally.

    Well she's been thru hell and back for me, taken alot of my sh!t, given up alot to help me when I was in need, and so much more. I just find it unconscionable to turn my back to her or not to do all I possibly can for her in her time of need.

    Back about two years ago the following conversation in my car ensued at 4:30 AM on a November morning.

    Me: "You won't get tired of me or my problems?"
    Her: "No, I won't. I'll be tired of seeing you sad or burdened by them; and I'll help you fight them off, but no I'll never tire of you or anything that's bothering you....you might get tired of me though..."
    Me: "Why would you say that? I won't and I'll listen and be there for you too if you're having problems as well - you matter the world to me"
    Her: "Promise you'll be there?"
    Me: "Promise" - and we pinky promised about that.

    I don't plan on going back on that anytime soon or ever.

    In the meantime; the dog entering heat, household chores, BBC wildlife docs on youtube, and praline lined chocolate should keep me sane enough to carry on myself. I've got no work the whole month of august and the team for a hotel project at the interior design firm I was working with (as a freelancer albeit) was downsized - I was in the group that was taken off the team. Yeah life and this year does suck but I have to find some way to keep going on myself...
     

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