Vibes/wishes/anything please for my friend!

[StephyMei1112]

I'm so sorry and feel bad for spamming the past few days about my friend but...I have a very bad and strange feeling that she may have hurt herself in the past few days or killed herself last night/sometime today

She usually is onto me with messages and calls everyday throughout the day, but she's been really quiet since sunday morning - only replying with "I'm busy", "ttyl", "its ok thxs" etc - she won't take any calls.

It is extremely unlike her to want space or not want to talk - at the most she might do that for half a day or a few hours - but not nearly 5 days. I haven't heard ANYTHING from her since last night and I'm scared s*itless that she's done something to herself. I've called 911 but they said something about 48 hours passing before issuing a missing report and it'll take them some time before they get to her place tonight to knock on her door - I was just there, she's not in anyways.

She was raised christian and she said something the past weekend about "it's all just a lie, just a stupid fantasy, nothing out there is there for anybody...". I asked her to tell me and that usually we would share every little thing with each other and she just sort of drifted off into silence and started talking about her hair being dry....vibes, wishes and anything else any of you people can muster up for my friend would be much appreciated. I don't want to see her dead or ending up in a bad place...

 

[yoko]

I'm sending vibes but already sounds like this is a bad place.

What did you tell 911? If you tell them she is suicidal they DO NOT WAIT like they do a missing persons. You need to call and make them very aware she is willing to hurt herself.

If you really think something is going on you need to call and tell them that now. It really isn't the time to worry about stepping on anyone's toes.

 

[StephyMei1112]

I told the operator she was feeling very suicidal and had said many times over the past two weeks or so that she really wanted to die - the operator seemed more focused on the missing persons report and said she would "make a note" of suicidal/self harm tendencies.

I think I need to make another call...

 

[yoko]

I told the operator she was feeling very suicidal and had said many times over the past two weeks or so that she really wanted to die - the operator seemed more focused on the missing persons report and said she would "make a note" of suicidal/self harm tendencies.

I think I need to make another call...

Yes you do. Don't say 'my friend is missing'. Say 'I am unable to reach my depressed suicidal friend'. You want a wellness check not a missing persons report. If the operator doesn't do anything as for another operator or the supervisor there. wellness checks are not put off.

 

[StephyMei1112]

They have her address and license plate number - she's not at home for sure though - at least not right now.

Gosh, why does this year just keep getting worse and worse for me and those around me??

 

[crazedACD]

I don't want to cause excessive worry, but does she live with anyone? Has anyone gone into the home to check, just in case she did do something to herself and is in there ?

Major major vibes your way..hope she is found soon and can get the help she needs.

 

[JessLough]

Absolutely what yoko said. Tell them she is a harm to herself and you think she already did something. Say she told you she was going to kill herself and lie if you have to. If they don't do anything, hang up and call again, you'll likely get somebody else. Tell them you will make sure the papers hear all about it if she kills herself after you calling them and they refused to do anything. Call everybody you two have in common that you can. Tell them they need to get into the house and check -- not just leave if she doesn't answer

 

[StephyMei1112]

She lives alone - she really keeps to herself and her neighbors don't know/care about her.

I'm her ONLY friend - so I can't even call on a mutual person or her family to ask about her...

 

[JessLough]

Also, if they try the "2 days" thing, tell them it HAS been -- it's been five days.

Heck, I know a member here had the cops hanging on her door when her parents called them cause she hadn't posted on Facebook in 2 days. It is done, you just have to be a pain sometimes

 

[JessLough]

Does she have Facebook? Twitter? Message every friend she has on there asking if theyve heard from or seen her since Sunday. Dont have to give details, you just need to talk to her.

 

[JessLough]

Wait, you were just at her house? I thought for some reason you lived far away... Drive to her house, when you get there, call 911. Tell them you need a cop there NOW, as you are worried something has happened and you are breaking into the house to check on her. They'll at least show up to watch you don't steal anything.

 

[StephyMei1112]

She's got facebook and weibo - chinese microblog version of twitter; but her facebook friends list is hidden and everyone on her weibo follower list is back in Asia...they aren't in regular daily contact with her for sure but I'll try still...

Her place is empty - it's no good. I told them it's been a long while now and that I am very confident she'd try something against her own life, they are trying to contact her "next of kin" and looking for her car/person now...

 

[StephyMei1112]

No news...this is eating me up...

 

[TahlzK]

Any news yet?

-I've been following this thread, I didn't respond because it hits a soft spot for me. I haven't lost a friend to suicide, yet but I worry I will one of these days. I have a friend who has a lot or mental issues and a bad home life and things never go right for her. There has been days I thought she'd kill herself and I found out she's tried.. And that killed me inside to hear. I know part of me would never forgive myself if she killed herself. I am sorry you have to deal with this situation.

 

[StephyMei1112]

We had a short exchange of texts earlier this afternoon - she's distraught and was really upset; it wasn't a time to badger her with questions or demands to get home/to a hospital etc - the best thing I could do was listen.

She was saying how much of a struggle things were and that she didn't think it was fair that she kept latching onto me for support and not dealing with her own issues mentally and so on and getting her life together - she mentioned something about her parents not being supportive and whatnot then... she sort of drifted off. She's been online on whatsapp last recorded time 12:47 AM so I'm a little at ease but not by much...

 

[Romy]

Is there any way you could talk her into staying with you for a few days or a week or something?

And I agree 100% with Jess about calling repeatedly and making a big fuss to 911 if they won't listen. Go to the police with copies of your texts and FB messages if you have to. She really shouldn't be left on her own at all right now.

ETA: the best thing for somebody in her state is to get into a hospital where she CAN get a handle on her mental state. If she's feeling guilty about going to you for support, I worry that she'll start to withdraw and you won't be able to get her help in time if she really does slip.

 

[StephyMei1112]

I've just sent her a voicemail saying that she's welcome over at my place and that we're overdue for a sleepover anyways and to hang out just for the sake of hanging out etc - trying to make it as pressure/innuendo free for her as possible in this moment.

I'm readying some texts and convos to email format now just in case...she doesn't actually use the word "suicide" "die" or "kill myself" etc in any of them - but the gist of it is very clear...

 

[Romy]

If the gist is there, they aren't dumb.

And don't just offer to have a sleepover. Tell her you're coming over to pick her up. When people are in a crisis (any kind of crisis) they often don't know what to do with offers of help or people asking how they can help, because they often don't feel they know what they need or even deserve it. Usually they respond best to someone coming in and telling them what they're going to do to help. If she's really offended by it she'll say something.

Just be like, I'm coming over and we're going back to my place to watch movies and eat cookies. Something like that.

 

[StephyMei1112]

I wish she was offended enough to at least say something - she hasn't responded to any of my texts since 3 something this afternoon, and hasn't picked up her phone or returned my voicemail yet...I'm waiting for tomorrow morning/afternoon...if she picks up or texts me back that is...

She loves Katalin - and vice versa; so hopefully seeing Katalin is a good incentive for her too, they haven't seen each other in around 3 months. She wanted a dog - a LGD too but she hasn't the space or resources to care for one. She was really sad about that - I told her Katalin could be "time shared" between us and she could spend all the time she wanted with her as well - but unfortunately it didn't cheer her up very much at the time, nor has it any other time since then =(

 

[yoko]

I know you're prob tired of hearing from me on this but I do know what you are going through since I have had to call on my friend before.

If something happens you want those texts on your phone to show the PD. Something typed up by you isn't really going to help they'll need to see it from her phone number. You can try to get a transcript from your phone company but most of them are pretty anal so you may not get it.

When you are calling the PD don't say your friend is missing and you are worried about her you need to say my friend is suicidal, has sent me messages about ending it/hurting herself/giving up, and just quit responding to me. You can't beat around the bush you need to come out and say it because they'll need it on record you said she is suicidal. If you just say you haven't heard from her it IS a missing persons issue and they will put it on hold for 24/48 hours. A checking on a suicidal person is WAY WAY up top as a priority.

I know this is rough but there comes a point where you, as her only friend, have to decide if you think your friendship is more important or if a last ditch effort to save her is more important.

For me it got to the point with my friend where I did think he was going to kill himself. He wasn't living with family any more because they kicked him out when he came out and told him he was gay. He was set on killing himself. He knew it and I knew it. For me it came down to I'd rather either have him kill himself but have done everything I could to save him or lose him as a friend but know he got help. I sent him a HUGE text telling him I loved him and even if he wasn't willing to do it for himself to please talk with the police and get help for me.

He was pretty angry with me but for him he had hit the bottom and did start to get help.

I agree with spending some time with her but in reality that's just a bandaid you are trying to put over a stump where a limb has been cut off. You can't be there all the time. And it sounds like she's just to the point of not caring at all. If she is there depressed and not caring it's not going to help her, and it won't help your nerves/anxiety either.