*vent* So I'll probably never be able to have kids

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Fran101, Jan 10, 2012.

  1. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    I went to the gyno because something was "off" in the girly world..
    I won't bore you with the details but let's just say my ovaries are basically a mess and aren't doing their jobs so the doctors say I am pretty infertile.

    It's so weird. I am 20 years old.. I don't have a boyfriend and frankly, I wasn't even 100% sure I ever wanted kids

    but now that there is a 99% chance I'll never have them.. it's weird. I don't know how to feel about it. It's not like I'm LOSING anything, so I don't know why I feel so weird.. it's just like losing.. a potential something.

    I dunno, I never "awwed" at babies... but I did think about names and reading harry potter to them and fairy castle bedrooms and.. just.. I dunno. parent stuff.

    No idea why I am making this thread. Probably to give me courage to tell my mom. or anybody.
    I feel so..damaged. Like I am the girl version of a used car that doesn't work right and nobody wants to buy.

    and that, as silly as it is, is one of my biggest issue with all this. Having to tell future boyfriends that no, the white picket fence golden retriever 2 kids life is something I will never be able to give them.

    And of course the other half of me that is screaming "WHY ME?!" of all the 20 years old that would grow up and be unfit parents.. I feel like I am certainly not the worst!
    I like story books, I like laser tag, I cut the crusts off my sandwiches, I get good grades, I go to all my little cousins ballet recitals and sports games, I know Goodnight Moon and the Little Prince basically by heart, I play dress up, I kiss booboos.. Sure I can be immature and selfish sometimes, but when I got older.. I think if I made the decision to have kids, I would've been a good mom. and I think I would've done a pretty good job raising the next generation! I HAVE GOOD BONE STRUCTURE!

    and I know there is always adoption and whatever.. but still.

    I don't know what is wrong with me. I had it in my head for most of my life that I didn't want kids. the world is over populated, they are sticky, they put a strain on relationships..
    and now all I can think about is being the crazy cat lady who dies alone and whose body is found 2 months later half eaten by my cats by my landlord coming to collect rent all because nobody wanted to marry the girl who couldn't have kids.
    but the right guy will love me for more than my reproductive abilities.. right?...

    Ugh. Vent over.
     
  2. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

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    I have a Dr's appointment but just wanted to offer ((((Hugs)))). When I got my diagnosis a few years ago the thought of potentially not having kids was one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I'm also not sure I want them, also single but it's just... hard knowing it's likely not even an option.
     
  3. stardogs

    stardogs Behavior Nerd

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    Awww. ((((hugs))))

    Can you get more info on the condition? Researching things always makes me feel better because then at least I have all the details and I'm not facing an unknown.

    Remember you can adopt, still. I know it's not the same, but it's better than completely cutting off the parent option, right?

    Oh and on the finding a guy thing - I found my wonderful DH when I still wasn't sure I wanted kids. From his point of view, kids or not wasn't a dealbreaker at all.
     
  4. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    OW fran , I am so sorry , I think you are feeling all the things you need to . Just grieve for what might have been. I chose to have my tubes tied and KNOW i dont need anymore kids , but i was crazy for a couple weeks after.

    HUGE HUGS and just let it out. Dont be afraid to tell your mom , she will be supportive. HUGS again
     
  5. ~Tucker&Me~

    ~Tucker&Me~ and Spy.

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    Ugh :( ((hugs))

    At this point I am relatively certain I won't have kids, but I still think it would be a shock and would upset me if I found out I couldn't. Like you, I do think about it and sometimes imagine what it would be like but am undecided. Finding out that that life would likely never exist would definitely make me sad in a weird way.

    Oh and my wonderful boyfriend of 3 and a half years (I think you and I are around the same age... I just turned 20) has said numerous times throughout the relationship that if I have kids great, if I don't no sweat. I think he is relatively undecided too but I am somewhat confident as of right now that if he began to feel strongly one way or the other we could talk it out. He loves me kids or no kids :D
     
  6. Beanie

    Beanie Clicker Cult Coordinator

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    ((((((HUGS))))))

    My mom was told her ovaries had never produced an egg in her life and she would NEVER have children. Her doctor was going to sign adoption papers for her.
    I am her second child.

    A friend of mine also was told the same thing, that her ovaries don't produce eggs - they have a daughter now and are currently trying for their second.


    Sometimes doctors say things... it doesn't mean that's exactly how it's going to go down in the future.

    I would also say if you're having a hard time with this, you probably do want kids. Like really. Because there was a point I thought I was going to have my ovaries and stuff yanked out, and the only time "but that means I won't be able to have kids" passed through my head was literally when I thought "Oh... it's been like two days and never ONCE have I freaked out thinking 'but that means I won't be able to have kids.'" And I still never freaked out about it.
     
  7. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    (((HUGS)))
    I really hope you and your family can get through this.
    I never wish this kind of thing upon anyone. Just because you never wanted kids now, doesn't mean that someday you won't change your mind, and then you hear this kind of news and it goes down the toilet.

    (((HUGS))) I am tearing up reading this.
    This is one of my biggest fears, actually it is my biggest fear.

    ***VIBES*** that you have the courage to tell your mom, which I know you will. <3
     
  8. LindaJD

    LindaJD New Member

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    My only advice is to tell your mom. From what I have read here, you have a good relationship with her. I bet you will feel a little better after talking to her, moms can be the best support at times like this. There is nothing in the world more comforting than a supportive loving mother to lay your hurts and fears on.
    I am sorry you are going through this, but remember if there is a will, there is a way. This does not mean you will never be a mother, just that you may never give birth.
     
  9. Grab

    Grab Active Member

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    As others have said, it doesn't mean you necessarily wouldn't be able to have kids sometime down the line if you decided you want them. I think many times doctors go a bit gloom and doom to cover themselves.
    I know someone with only one functioning ovary, and that ovary is not really up to par, yet they have a perfectly healthy child.

    So, I'd not overly stress about it. :)
     
  10. SarahHound

    SarahHound New Member

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    Hope you are OK :( Remember, there is always adoption as well, and there's so many kids desperate for loving parents.

    I was diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago, meaning I can't have kids either. As it happens, I felt nothing, as I've never liked children or wanted any. I've never actually told anyone about it, this is the first time I've shared it. I have read stories about it though, and in rare cases people can be suprised when they do fall pregnant naturally!
     
  11. AllieMackie

    AllieMackie Wookie Collie

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    Yes. :)

    Lots of great guys out there who don't see kids as a dealbreaker. One of the nice things about not living in the 1950's. ;)

    Be upfront and honest about it with your mum. From what I know of your relationship, she will likely be upset, but she loves you so, so much and will be there for you regardless.

    ((HUGS))
     
  12. Moth

    Moth Mild and Slightly Nutty

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    (((Hugs)))

    It will be okay...Allie is right there are many guys out there that are okay with not having wee ones.

    Also like other people have mentioned...the female body is a strange and wondrous thing sometimes yours may decide to proof that doc wrong at some point.

    Don't start buying cats and litter boxes yet :D
     
  13. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    This. <3
     
  14. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

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    ((More Hugs))

    You have every right to grieve lost possibilities, no matter if you intended to take advantage of them or whether there is still hope of a biological child.

    As you know, your ability to make this world a better place, or your ability to be an amazing spouse is not contingent on your fertility. I have no doubt you would be an amazing mother or mentor if you decided that is what you wanted to do. And if the motherhood desire kicks in, as others said, there are other ways.

    But logic and rationalizations can come later. You have every right to be sad, be p***ed off, and grieve if that is what you need to do.

    (((Still More Hugs)))
     
  15. joce

    joce Active Member

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    They may not be your eggs but you can still have kids if it is just your ovaries that are off. And people are told this all the time and still wind up pregnant. And this is one dr you have seen. Not sure what is going on right now but sometimes cysts go away and there is inflammation that dies down. Get another opinion. See if there are meds you can go on to slow whatever process is going on.

    I just got diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis so I am doubly screwed. But things will work out. And I never wanted kids so much as when I realized it may not happen:( Weird how that works.
     
  16. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    First off Fran... conceiving the old fashion way isn't the only way to be a mom. Where there is a will there is a way so children are not out of your future if you want them in it.

    Second if a man cannot accept that the odds may be slim for you to get pregnant through that means he isn't a very caring or understanding man and doesn't deserve you.

    AND HOLY I DIDNT KNOW WE WERE THE SAME AGE!
     
  17. Dekka

    Dekka Just try me..

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    You can still have the picket fence and the family.

    There is adoption, or even guys who already have kids :) Don't give up the hope of having your own. But even if you can't have biological kids, you can still raise a family.
     
  18. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

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    (((hugs)))

    They did an exploratory laparoscopy on me at 16. I was told I'd never be able to conceive. Yet, here I am at 28 with two children, both conceived on birth control. ;) Doctors don't know everything. If it's something you want some day, don't give up hope just because one doctor said it was so. And don't let that color your self worth. You're an amazing young woman with loads of potential.
     
  19. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

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    I just wanted to point out that there are loads of people with PCOS and kids. It is more difficult but very possible. On my PCOS board (I mostly lurk) there's lots of women with kids. And I know one Chazzer that has PCOS and 3 beautiful boys.
     
  20. Saintgirl

    Saintgirl New Member

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    I never post anymore but this is a topic that I hold near and dear. I too have PCOS AND endometriosis. My chances for concieving naturally were pretty much nil. My ovaries did not release eggs and my endo made it hard for the 'boys' to make it to the egg if by chance one could get through. My reproductive endocrinologist was awesome though, she told me that science has come very far and it's true! My son turns 2 today. Just because I am naturally infertile does not mean that they were not able to help me concieve. There are so many options out there for infertile couples, fertility treatments, adoption, and choosing to not even have children. Don't be down because you were told that you have fertility issues, you still have so many options!
     

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