trouble with friends... advice?

Discussion in 'Dogs - General Dog Chat' started by vanillasugar, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. vanillasugar

    vanillasugar just call me Nilly

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2005
    Messages:
    6,829
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    3
    Location:
    Peterborough, Ontario
    I need a bit of advice guys.

    Two couples that I'm close friends with have dogs, which Sierra gets along great with. I love getting together with the dogs to play, as they have a LOT of fun together. I do have a problem though. My friends are very... old fashioned I guess... in their view of raising dogs. I work in a natural pet care shop, so I am constantly learning and expanding my knowledge of dogs, and dog care.

    I feel like my knowledge isn't respected in the least.

    One couple started out on good food, and recently, despite a conversation with me where I talked to them about what they could feed that's good quality AND less expensive, they've switched her to Pedigree, then complain to me when she pukes it up.

    Whenever training comes up in conversation, my "positive" methods are viewed as silly and ineffective (eventhough Sierra is mostly very well behaved, if she acts out in the least, it's at fault of my training methods). Their dogs are far from perfect, but they don't hesitate to use forceful corrections. One dog is showing potential of becoming a fear biter, and they still use forceful corrections on her. Trying to tell them differently is useless.

    Worst of all, even when I tell them NOT to, they are MUCH harder than I'd like with Sierra. They've never hit her, knowing I'd FREAK out. But they don't respect what I'm doing with her, and I've had to tell them not to knee her when she jumps up, but to instead turn away and ignore her (which they just laugh at, thinking it's pointless).

    As I said, these are some of my closest friends, so any advice on how I can deal with this in a tactful manner, without alienating my friends?
     
  2. PoodleMommy

    PoodleMommy Yorkie Love

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2006
    Messages:
    6,443
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    My advice would be to speak with them and explain your views but you say that you get no respect from them.

    Honestly, it wouldnt matter how good a friend someone was if they "knee'd" by dog after I had requested they not... I wouldnt be attempting to find a tactful way to deal with it.

    I know plenty of people who are not into the all natural food and despite my explanations dont care... I just no longer talk to them about it and that is fine on both ends.

    But harsh tactics directed towards my dog would not be tolerated... I think you just need to put your foot down on that issue and ignore the rest... you cant change everyone's mind.

    Good Luck
     
  3. Dekka

    Dekka Just try me..

    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Messages:
    19,779
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    8 dogs and 6 horses.
    Location:
    Ontario
    Home Page:
    Hmm you can suggest they watch documentary that was on CBC on dog food. My thing I say to people when they say my dog does just fine on "insert cheap food name here" I say yes and there are people who do 'fine' on mcdonalds...till they have a heart attack.

    As for their old fashioned ideas about dogs..if they do something you have asked them not too I would (cause I am a pushy b!tch at time) pointedly say, I know we disagree but this is my dog, and I would appreciate it if you respected my training style with her.

    If you get into a dog sport then you can point out what you are doing in class etc and say the trainer said to do it this way (even if its what you were doing all along, some people need someone in 'authority' to tell them before they listen)
     
  4. SisMorphine

    SisMorphine Your Mom

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2006
    Messages:
    2,993
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    If they are your closest friends then you should be able to say "quit being so effing stupid" without it being much of an issue. Bowie knows I've told my friends that more than a few times, and they've done the same to me.

    I have family members who won't listen to me regarding nutrition or training either, so I just don't talk to them about it anymore. Whenever our dogs are together they take care of their dogs and I take care of mine. Period.
     
  5. bubbatd

    bubbatd Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2004
    Messages:
    64,812
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    If they are best friends ...I wouldn't give advice unless asked for . If their dogs are healthy and happy , so be it . I'm sure they know that you are " up " on things . Many times our personal " suggestions " are taken as criticisms ...which no one likes .
     
  6. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2003
    Messages:
    94,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    3, Bimmer, GSDX (m); Kharma, Fila Brasileiro (f);
    Location:
    Where the selas blooms
    Home Page:
    . . . . I'm thinking maybe a knee in the gut? After all, THEY seem to think it's effective ;)
     
  7. MissMySheena

    MissMySheena New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2008
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Raiding Your Fridge
    XD

    If I was older and one of my friends were like that, I'd get new friends. I'd set the differences apart on training and feeding, etc., but if they kneed my Avalanche they'd be gone before they could say woof.

    Just sit down and talk to them seriously and say they can do whatever the hell they want to their dogs, but you have rules for your dog.
     
  8. mrose_s

    mrose_s BusterLove

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2005
    Messages:
    12,169
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    2 dogs, 2 rats
    Location:
    QLD, Australia
    Some people won't learn.
    Maybe next time they go to hug you or something knee them in the chest?
    If you see them harshly correct their dog? Harshly correct them.

    Maybe just ask them to seriosuly think like a dog, tell them if they care about their friendship with you they should have some respect and atl;east try. Now if their thinking like a dog. Say your person gets home, yay excitement, you go to jump up on them. You just want their attention, they turn away. No attention. Well that didn't work, the dog now uses their mind to work this out.
    On the other hand, they go to say hello to their owner, they jump up and get a knee in the chest, that hurts. You were just being friendly and they hurt you.

    WHen workign through something with Buster I try to go through it like I imagine he might, it makes it so much clearer usually.


    you obvisouly all like your dogs, make it a discussion point to swap ideas. Pick something youj like that they do with their dogs, like thier consistency or something like that so things don't seem like your criticisng them.

    My main problem with the knee in the chest thing is that it doesn't teach them to right behaviour, it teaches them what the wrong behaviour is which is technically just teaching them a negative instead of a positive.
     
  9. SizzleDog

    SizzleDog Lord Cynical

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2004
    Messages:
    9,449
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Is that on YouTube somewhere? I couldn't see it since I live in the States... I wanna see!
     
  10. vanillasugar

    vanillasugar just call me Nilly

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2005
    Messages:
    6,829
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Occupation:
    3
    Location:
    Peterborough, Ontario
    This is a great idea! I'm going to consider this one, though I might have to be more direct.

    I've been having more recent problems with this. I think it's because I havn't spoken out when I truly believe in something. I'm honestly afraid of a certain dog becoming a fear biter over her owners being overly aggressive with her.
     

Share This Page