Top Reasons to Live in Canada

Discussion in 'Dog Jokes and Cartoons' started by NicoleLJ, Jun 23, 2009.

  1. NicoleLJ

    NicoleLJ PSD Partner

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    My mom sent this to me this morning. I was laughing so hard tears were running down my cheeks.



    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
    1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
    2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
    3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
    4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
    5. Weed.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
    1. Big rock between you and B.C.
    2. Ottawa who?
    3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.
    4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
    5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
    6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.
    7. Alberta advantage: “gasoline’ is more expensive then anywhere else.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
    1. You never run out of wheat.
    2. Your province is really easy to draw.
    3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
    4. People will assume you live on a farm.
    5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
    1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
    2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
    3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
    4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
    5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
    1. You live in the centre of the universe.
    2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
    3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
    4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
    1. Racism is socially acceptable.
    2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
    3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
    4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
    1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
    2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
    3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick.
    4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
    1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
    2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
    3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
    1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big, new bridge.
    2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
    3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
    4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
    5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
    6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
    1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
    2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
    3. The workday is about two hours long.
    4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.

    Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and foreigners who can learn something about Canada and then enjoy a good chuckle.

    Let's face it: Canadians are a rare breed.

    The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

    50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
    · Californians shiver uncontrollably.
    · Canadians plant gardens.

    35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
    · Italian Cars won't start
    · Canadians drive with the windows down

    32° Fahrenheit (0° C)
    · American water freezes
    · Canadian water gets thicker.

    0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
    · New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
    · Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

    -60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
    · Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
    · Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

    -109.9° Fahrenheit (-78.5° C)
    · Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.
    · Canadians pull down their earflaps.

    -173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
    · Ethyl alcohol freezes.
    · Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg of beer

    -459.67° Fahrenheit (-273.15° C)
    · Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
    · Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"

    -500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
    · Hell freezes over.
    · The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup
     
  2. skKi

    skKi woop

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    Hence the reason it would take me an hour and a half to get to work every day.
     
  3. Tailcreek

    Tailcreek New Member

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    Me too, that's one of the reasons I moved lol!

    Jennifer
     
  4. vanillasugar

    vanillasugar just call me Nilly

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    LMAO I loved the "Top Reasons" part, the temp. conversion was a bit too far fetched to be funny IMO, I mean the Leafs will win that Stanley Cup EVENTUALLY.... right?
     
  5. Blue_Dog

    Blue_Dog Guest

    lol

    I love the temperature conversion. The far fetched-ness is what made it funny. :p
     
  6. Zhucca

    Zhucca Lab Love

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    LOL
    Loved it! So true.

    The temperature conversion should've stopped at -51 degrees with the girl guide.
     
  7. jess2416

    jess2416 Who woulda thought

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    yeah thats a great reason :rolleyes:
     
  8. vanillasugar

    vanillasugar just call me Nilly

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    It's a play at the GIANT divide between anglophone and francophone persons living in Quebec. It's not truly racism... more... languagism? ;) None of this is meant to be taken very seriously, because at the root of it some of these things *aren't* very funny.
     
  9. Island dog

    Island dog New Member

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    That's pretty funny.

    Vanillasugar is correct - it's not racism. It's about speaking French and the fact signs should be in French not English. They want everyone to speak and read French. They also get to choose their own immigrants.
     
  10. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    lol good list....

    except NO ONE is bribing quebec to stay... they can leave anytime but they won't without the rest of the country supporting them financially lol

    uh sorry quebec... wanna be on your own be on your own but you can't have our money :rofl1:
     
  11. ~Tucker&Me~

    ~Tucker&Me~ and Spy.

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    Haha classic! Gotta love Canada :p
     

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