Thread battles with other members = dislike in general?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Fran101, May 10, 2012.

  1. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    I argue A LOT on this forum. Blame it on the 20 year old hormones, the fast typing, the stubborn streak, the what-some-would-consider-but-not-really-over-use of gifs... but I feel like I bicker a lot with people lol on various issues.

    but what I do find odd is that I get a lot of, "awww.. don't worry about what x, y, z, said..,x,y,z just hates you Fran"
    which is of course people trying to I guess make me feel better about getting yelled at/fighting via the internet, which doesn't really upset me, but regardless lol the whole idea is odd to me because unless it's an EXTREME case, like I take personal offense or am PERSONALLY attacked by this person, I don't really transfer my anger/issues outside of the debate thread/threads in question to the forum or to the persons character.

    Ok so I feel like I have to give an example here lol
    Sorry to throw you down on the table Puck but you are my most recent (and let's just be honest here, most common lol thread bicker buddy) Puck and I find ourselves on the opposite ends on a lot of debates and..I don't hate him lol I think besides our garden variety of issues we DO NOT agree on, we agree on a few things .
    We both like Disney world, we both think Hannah is cute and awesome, we both like hannah hands stuff (although I'm sure I probably enjoy them in a different way lol) and as part of our crazy chaz family, like that uncle at thanksgiving dinner who starts a political debate that does get everyone thinking but usually ends with him pulling his gun out and threatening to shoot it at the ceiling, or us on occasion (a very bad idea considering we live in a condo) I smile and offer congrats at his joys and feel sad at his sorrows, even if we fight.

    and that's how I feel about MOST chaz members. Regardless of the fact that we fight and bicker, we agree on a few things and we are mostly part of this crazy family and push comes to shove, I'd lend a hand or a shoulder in times of trouble.
    .. sooo.. in threads where various members and I aren't fighting, I don't carry any kind of distaste because we fought before.

    I just thought it was really interesting hearing from others
    So how do you deal with forum bicker buddies?
    Do you carry it out of thread? or leave it in the thread in question?

    P.S: Am I the only one that thinks there should be some kind of documentary on the inner relationships/workings of the typical forum family? lol
     
  2. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I think too many people equate disagreement with hate. This forum actually brings out the very worst in me and I know that is the same for many others as well.
     
  3. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    It really brings out my extremes personally.
    I think it's because unlike IRL conversations, we don't really have small talk to kind of fluff relationships. We only bother responding when we really have something to say 99% of the time lol

    So either it brings out my GAME FACE I AM READY TO FIGHT LET'S GO 100 PAGE POST or the most docile kind version of myself that really watches and can think about what she types before she posts it (unlike how my mouth works in life)

    So you get the gist of my personality really. but nowhere near what it's like to just hang around me on the day to day lol mostly, I think I am actually quite pleasant and un-abrasive.
     
  4. jess2416

    jess2416 Who woulda thought

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    I never bicker..


    *cough cough*

    Honestly, though I think I have bickered and agreed with everyone on this forum at some point or another, the thing is just like family, we arent all going to agree on every single point, I know that when it comes to "men / women" topics, Im usually on the man's side and think that the woman is just being silly lol.

    We can all agree to disagree till we are blue in the face, but beliefs are usually beliefs for a reason, and no one will change their beliefs just because a couple of posts..

    I dont think disagreement equals hate MOST of the time, but there are times when words really do come across as hateful, maybe the person wasn't trying to be hateful, or maybe they are a closet hater, in the end, all you can do is speak your piece and move on..
     
  5. Xandra

    Xandra Active Member

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    Some people's stance on things or attitudes kinda put me off. But I don't think I dislike anyone here and... hmm can't remember who I've argued with recently but I don't think I ended up holding a grudge or anything.

    I like most people :p
     
  6. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    There are a small handful of people on this forum that really rub me the wrong way. Most of the time, I can leave a thread disagreement in that thread and aww and cheer the next thread down. For a few people though, they've said some really hurtful things and gone too far.

    Definitely the exception to the rule though. And I would never call it "hate"--I've just lost a desire to try to maintain any sort of "forum friendship".
     
  7. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    I think something similar.......... I believe too many people (online and offline) think of good debates as arguing, and arguing must equal enemies.

    I LOVE a good debate, and by good debate, I mean where I walk away more knowledgeable than when I started. Where, whether I agree with you or not, I've gained insight into why you think/feel the way you do.

    And no, I don't think of a member with opposing opinions as my enemy or feel any anger towards them after the discussion. IMO, it's immaturity if you do. (not talking about personal attacks of course) If you can't handle discussing things and/or having opposing view points......stay out of it and save yourself the aggravation.
    (sometimes that's exactly what I do, LOL)
     
  8. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    That is exactly how it is for me too lol. Plus, i will be honest, it is easier for me to say anything without a set of eyes staring back at me... Pleading with me lol.

    I am actually nothing like most of what I post here... A few have met me personally and I think they could vouch for that lol. I forget what it was lilavati said she thought I would be like. I don't think matronly was the right word lol. Maybe she can correct me. Renee has also met me.

    I am actually a pussycat in person lol always smiling and never mad at anyone but here everything comes across differently

    Also, thank you for the kind words about hannah and hannahs hands :)
     
  9. Linds

    Linds Twin 2

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    I think for the most part I'm the same as you Fran. The only differences is when/if it carries onto other threads needlessly, someone is mean for the sake of being mean over and over again or spills over into other aspects of my life.

    That's when I do take my "I disagree with you" to "I strongly dislike you"

    But overall I may have knock down drag out fights with people on here but I would also just as quickly jump to defend any number of people I've had huge disagreements with.
     
  10. *blackrose

    *blackrose "I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"

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    If I disagree with someone/something, I tend to just disagree on that issue and leave it at that. I don't carry any resentment towards them as people, or when it comes to other issues. People are people and have disagreements. That doesn't make them horrible people (or people worthy of hate). I may not agree with your viewpoint, but that doesn't make you "wrong" and me "right", you "bad" and me "good"....we're just different.

    I do the same thing in real life. Now, I do hold actions against people...I think during disagreements, if I person starts personally attacking people/being very rude/name calling/etc., that says a lot about their personality. And while that won't necessarily make me "hate" someone, how they conduct themselves will either give or take away my respect.
    A real life example: Mike's uncle is critically ill and likely won't make it through tomorrow. Last week I needed off of work to go down and see him, because I wasn't going to have another chance. When I was asking some of my coworkers to see if they could cover for me, one of them told me that she didn't feel the need to cover for me because she "had finals the next week" (that she had told me prior she probably wouldn't study for) and that "your boyfriend's family is not a family emergency". Even when I asked a few other people and they told me they couldn't (due to legitimate reasons), they offered their sympathies and tried their best to help me out. The coworker that was shitty about the situation lost all of my respect I had for her. I don't hate her...but she certainly no longer is respected by me. I don't let that affect my working relationship with her, but I don't have to pretend to be all chum-buddy with her.

    So, even if I don't respect someone/don't want to be all chum-buddy with them...I still try to be polite. LOL
     
  11. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Look at you and i for example lol... Or maybe more specifically me TO you. I have said some terrible things to you in the past and today we can laugh at them and are still friends (or maybe I just made that up in my mind and you really hate me hahaha)

    Jessie is another. Man we used to HATE each other but then we found common ground and became friends :).

    I think we really grow and change with each other here.
     
  12. jess2416

    jess2416 Who woulda thought

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    LOL I remember, I said marriage was a stupid piece of paper, and you told me I was gonna end up an old lonely lady with no one :p
     
  13. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I remember all too well... STOP QUOTING ME lol :p
     
  14. jess2416

    jess2416 Who woulda thought

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    NUH UH :p

    The ONLY reason why I keep even saying anything about it, is because I look back at that and think, "she was right" and when I look at myself now, I see and even think like a different person, I do have my moods, but just think, if we didnt bicker, then we couldnt be having this "awwww moment" right now :p

    so there...:popcorn:
     
  15. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

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    Nah, debates are fun and hopefully educational. Not something to get mad over for me.

    Exceptions would be when folks show an inability to use basic logic (loss of respect in the context of debates), are unnecessarily rude/crude especially if not actually contributing to the debate (annoyance), are repeatedly hypocritical (frustration/annoyance), revert to personal attacks (there's a dislike), or are shown to be deceitful/liars (the other dislikeable offense). But even then it's not hating anyone, isn't contingent on the person holding an opinion different than my own, and really has little/nothing to do with debating at all.

    Honestly I can only think of one person on this forum whose posts I now avoid, simply because that person has never (so far as I have seen) contributed anything of value--or even mere positive sentiment--to anything here. And I don't think I've every actually discussed anything at all with the person, so it's not the result of a perceived slight or debate fallout.
     
  16. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Oh fine... Must you aleays be right? :p

    Ok seriously though. I know what you mean. I look back at that and learn a lot about myself and the way I treated people and about how I want to treat people and behave.

    Let the AWWWW's commence lol
     
  17. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    My family has very...lets just say, "interesting" political/religious beliefs that many of them are not shy about sharing and we are all pretty intense people. If I were unable to slough off disagreements I'd never be able to go to any family gatherings-lol. There is one member (who rarely posts) that has ticked me off to the point that I try not to even read their posts, but that is definitely the exception.
     
  18. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I find the older I get the more feint of heart I get lol. I am a big softie at heart and I will share a secret with you.... Puck is an even bigger softie LOL
     
  19. Shai

    Shai & the Muttly Crew

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    There's always one
    [​IMG]
     
  20. Puckstop31

    Puckstop31 Super-Genius

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    In a nutshell... No. Heck, when I get into it here its almost always about politics or religion. LOL When is there ever a "nice" discussion about those topics? LOL

    I just try, really, really hard.... To make my point of not offending anyone, but yet not cave on my point of view. At this point in my life, my ideas are pretty well developed and based in a lot of real world experience. That does not make me right, just a bit more experienced than a lot here.

    Its difficult sometimes and certain people just want to try and drag it down to a soap opera or worse.... (I think we all know who.....LOL)

    Fran... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the juvenile crap about your Obama stuff. I disagree with you as much as possible about who the guy is, what he stands for and what he represents. But that does not mean I should be a jackass about it. Also, I get the "crazy uncle" comparison... But with 2 caveats... I would not be shooting at the roof all crazy. Its dangerous and a waste of ammo. LOL
     

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