Chazzers, Thank you for letting me have an outlet for when I have been alone, for everyone's kind thoughts, vibes and wishes, and for just being here and a presence in situations where I would have otherwise had no where else to go. She's gone. I saw her remains for myself several hours ago. I don't want to get into details at this moment - may go into them later. I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep for a full night last night and dragged thru today like a zombie - which perhaps helps to explain my reaction. Numbness, I cried abit but I was so horribly numb. I couldn't feel anything. I'm going to take care of her remains and her belongings over the next few days - I'm expecting it to really hit me later though. My dad has very kindly lent me the necessary funds to do so. I'm so exhausted, I'm so exasperated, I'm so hopeless. This hideous year can't come to a close quickly enough for me. I don't even have energy left to cry. I want to blame someone or something...but I can't even focus enough to pick a target to lash out at now. I want to die myself now but....I don't know...I can't think straight.... Emiley, Our time together was magical - yet way too short. As you once told me "Words are overrated.". So I have no more - other than I hope you have found peace, rest, and contentment now....I hope you've resolved whatever it was you were fighting. My sister, teacher, mentor, student, partner in crime, closest family, and dearest friend - you'll be missed and remembered forever and you are always alive in my heart. I love you. I now pray... A poem from the Song Dynasty. "May we be forever more" 明月幾時有，把酒問青天 不知天上宮闕，今夕是何年 我欲乘風歸去 唯恐瓊樓玉宇，高處不勝寒 起舞弄清影，何似在人間 轉朱閣，低綺戶，照無眠 不應有恨，何事長向別時圓 人有悲歡離合，月有陰晴圓缺 We may be near or far, the moon may dim and glow 此事古難全，但願人長久，千里共嬋娟 That's how it's always been though, may we be blessed, and always close though a thousand miles apart.