This is the last post I will make about my friend.

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by StephyMei1112, Sep 19, 2012.

  1. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Chazzers,

    Thank you for letting me have an outlet for when I have been alone, for everyone's kind thoughts, vibes and wishes, and for just being here and a presence in situations where I would have otherwise had no where else to go.

    She's gone. I saw her remains for myself several hours ago. I don't want to get into details at this moment - may go into them later. I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep for a full night last night and dragged thru today like a zombie - which perhaps helps to explain my reaction.

    Numbness, I cried abit but I was so horribly numb. I couldn't feel anything. I'm going to take care of her remains and her belongings over the next few days - I'm expecting it to really hit me later though. My dad has very kindly lent me the necessary funds to do so.

    I'm so exhausted, I'm so exasperated, I'm so hopeless. This hideous year can't come to a close quickly enough for me. I don't even have energy left to cry. I want to blame someone or something...but I can't even focus enough to pick a target to lash out at now. I want to die myself now but....I don't know...I can't think straight....

    Emiley,

    Our time together was magical - yet way too short. As you once told me "Words are overrated.". So I have no more - other than I hope you have found peace, rest, and contentment now....I hope you've resolved whatever it was you were fighting. My sister, teacher, mentor, student, partner in crime, closest family, and dearest friend - you'll be missed and remembered forever and you are always alive in my heart. I love you.

    I now pray...

    A poem from the Song Dynasty. "May we be forever more"

    明月幾時有,把酒問青天
    不知天上宮闕,今夕是何年
    我欲乘風歸去
    唯恐瓊樓玉宇,高處不勝寒
    起舞弄清影,何似在人間
    轉朱閣,低綺戶,照無眠
    不應有恨,何事長向別時圓

    人有悲歡離合,月有陰晴圓缺
    We may be near or far, the moon may dim and glow
    此事古難全,但願人長久,千里共嬋娟
    That's how it's always been though, may we be blessed, and always close though a thousand miles apart.
     
  2. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    I am so very sorry to read this. I truly was hoping for a better outcome for your friend. If you need to talk, vent, whatever feel free to pm me.

    May Emiley rest in peace.
    (((hugs)))
     
  3. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    I'm so sorry for your loss :(
     
  4. RD

    RD Are you dead yet?

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    Hugs and more hugs. A candle will be lit tonight for your friend. I am so deeply sorry.
     
  5. Doberluv

    Doberluv Active Member

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    I'm so sorry. I guess she felt so hopeless and like contentment was beyond reach.... too hard to attain. Maybe she really is better off...no more suffering and torment. I'm really very sorry you lost your good friend. (((hugs))) May she rest in peace.
     
  6. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    ((((((HUGS)))))))

    May her Journey thrive.
     
  7. Barbara!

    Barbara! New Member

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    Sorry. ): RIP.
     
  8. Hillside

    Hillside Original Twin

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    I'm so sorry.
     
  9. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    I'm so sorry - I know how you feel, you have ((hugs)) and ((vibes)) from here. Youre very strong, and I am envious that you seem to have made it to the "place" you're at already - I wasted a lot of time being angry.
     
  10. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    I've admired your strength through your ordeal Katie.
     
  11. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    ((((HUGS)))) we are there right now. One of our good friends died suspiciously last month and we found out today they think he may have done it to himself.

    Hopefully she can rest easy now.
     
  12. Baxter'smybaby

    Baxter'smybaby swimming upstream

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    I'm so sorry.
     
  13. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Thank you everyone, it really does mean alot <3 I'm grateful.

    Even though I got up at 2 PM today it is starting to feel like the "morning after". I'm still numb as can be; I have a feeling this thing is gonna hit me in waves. She will be cremated on Friday, her place will be looked after tonight. Some of her clothes, shoes, and paper money will be burnt tomorrow morning as a part of a traditional Chinese funeral/mourning custom. I need a white barrette/hairpin too - another custom. I have a overwhelming feeling of just wanting to go as well...but I'm so depleted, I can't think straight anymore...

    Plottmom/Katie,

    There's nothing to be envious about - it's a hideous situation to be in and everyone handles it differently. My anger, sadness, rage, horror and everything else is still here - I'm just zombie like and numb now...I have no strength left to even cry....but it'll be a long process.... I'm so sorry for your loss too. Hopefully we can see things through.
     
  14. thehoundgirl

    thehoundgirl Active Member

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    I'm so sorry. :( Hugs to you.
     
  15. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

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    (((megahugs)))

    Sometimes it hits in waves. A really good friend of mine was murdered and it felt numb and surreal for months. Take your feelings as they come and ride it out with Katalin. She's there for you. I'm so so sorry this is how things ended up. You're an incredible friend for making sure everything is taken care of where her family isn't stepping up.
     
  16. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    I am so sorry to read this, though I do not know what happened with your friend as I haven't been on a lot and I haven't read previous threads, but may your friend RIP.
    I agree with PlottMom.

    (((HUGS))) ***VIBES***
     
  17. poodlesmom

    poodlesmom New Member

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    I'm so sorry!
     
  18. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

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    I'm so sorry. :( (((Hugs)))
     
  19. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Thank you very much everyone. Your kindness, thoughts, and consideration are all very appreciated and mean so much.

    She is mourned by very few I'm sad to say. My other friends have been indifferent or scoffed at the news of her passing, her parents were called this morning - they could have cared less it seems; regardless I will save a part of her ashes for them before they are scattered. My own parents were shocked and my dad even sobbed. Well, I loved her, and I will forever more - if others didn't or couldn't it's their loss and it doesn't matter.

    I will attend evening prayers tomorrow and Friday at a Buddhist temple. We occasionally attended together and found the teachings soothing and helped to clear our minds. Her family is Buddhist and so are some of mine that I get along with - so it's a kind of "return" to our roots if you like.

    I have chanted the Amithaba Sutra and the Heart Sutra for her at home already and will do so again during prayers. Mandarin I've always struggled with - but for some reason...chanting these verses my words just seem to flow...

    For everyone else who has lost someone, for those that are on their journey, and for anyone in despair <3

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFGcMYQyZYU

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zB2jBVe6jg
     
  20. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    I'm especially sorry that more people are not mourning the loss of someone who was obviously a special soul :( I guess we were all "lucky" in the sense that Jana, however troubled, was so very loved. Lean on your dad, all I can say is that eventually it hurts a little less, and you can look at clothes/music and say "Oh, Emiley would have loved that!" and smile instead of sobbing. Having someone to grieve with definitely helps... my dogs were also extremely helpful, and I don't know if anyone remembers my foster, Goose, but he was originally Jana's foster, so that helped a bit. Take time for yourself... hot tea, a candle, and a journal have been known to help. <3
     

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