This is SO tiring.

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by StephyMei1112, Oct 21, 2012.

  1. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    The dog is an equal - but I've had alot of bfs...
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    I want out. I just do. There's not been a morning/afternoon that I've woken up on this year and thought to myself "I'm so glad I'm alive". Life has become a dreadful, troublesome, and joyless thing to me and I'm so d@mned sick of it, sick to my stomach of it. Call me short sighted, call me childish - whatever, I don't care. I want to rest, I want peace, and I don't want to have to deal with all of these catastrophic happenings anymore; I know that lots of other people all over the world have it alot worse but I'm not comparing my situation to them - I only know how it feels for me and I don't think I can or want to take it anymore.

    Every day a new, horrible problem rears it's head, every day my surroundings grow more tense and desolate, every day I am drained and exhausted before the day even stars, every day I have to tell myself to just try and hold on - it's much too much, I can't...I just can't. Either I change, the situation changes, or I need to be killed. Things can't go on this way, I can't and don't want to deal with a life that is like this and I don't know that I am gutsy enough to face up to, deal with, and work through things the way they are now....I want to sob and bang my head against something but I haven't the energy or tears left. I'm so done.
     
  2. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    I've been in your shoes. Believe me, it gets better. The hardest part is sticking it out. Call a hotline if you have to. Go see a counselor. If you give up now, you won't ever have a chance of being happy... and it's worth it.
     
  3. Barbara!

    Barbara! New Member

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    I'm not religious, but I've always liked this prayer:

    "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    The courage to change the things I can,
    And the wisdom to know the difference."

    If your life sucks, change it. It's not worth ending it and all the wasted opportunities. Do something drastic, different, uncharacteristic.... Whatever you need to do to shake you out of the funk. It's always fixable. Always. And if you just give in, you miss out on the chance to overcome it.
     
  4. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    Can't type much cause I have to run (ironically, to an event I'm throwing to help suicidal kids) but this:

     
  5. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    Gosh how terrible!!! I have been there I think we all have. What is it that John mellincamp said in one of his songs: "life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone"?

    Hang in there. I know how it feels to want someone to talk to so badly but no one "gets it"
     
  6. chaospony

    chaospony New Member

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    Blah. Been there, done that and never ever want to go through it again. I spent the better part of my entire teenaged years in misery.
    It gets better and only you have the ability to make the changes.
    Of course this is easier said than done when you don't even want to sit up.

    I read a few depression work books, did a few of the exercises in them that helped open my eyes to the way my mind was working against me. It helped make some conscious changes.
    In the end, a lot of it was mind over matter for me. Telling myself I felt this way, not that way. Insisting this was better than that. After awhile you start to believe it, then suddenly it's true. You really do want to sit in the sunshine, and you really are happy to be drinking tea on the porch.
    Again, it's all easier said than done. I basically reached the end point where it was, what the heck, let's try make it better. If it doesn't work then I will have no regrets jumping off a bridge.
    My goal was to make myself mentally stable and confident enough to spend a year backpacking around Japan. (Never did get to go, my dog got sick and all my savings went to trying to save her) but after awhile, everything sorted it's self out.

    Send me a pm anytime you want to talk.
     
  7. frostfell

    frostfell Kung Pow Fish

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    Iv been there and Im still there. My last 4 years have been crap after crap after crap. Every time theres two ways something could go, it goes the bad way. Every time. Yeah you can give up. Its an option. But on the flipside, everything goes in cycles. It WILL get better. I dont know when, but if you give up now you wont see that. So the choice is up to you. Think very long and very hard about which way you want to go, and if you are going to bow out of life, make sure its the correct choice and that you are confident in it. Its not something to take lightly
     
  8. yoko

    yoko New Member

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    I was there five years ago. My best friend moved away and I was left alone here. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to deal with people, I didn't do anything. I ended up getting another job because I HAD to work. There was no choice there. I stayed in that funk for two years. I didn't make friends I just worked and went home.

    It really can get better but what a lot of people say is to keep telling yourself that. The problem is, is you can't just tell yourself that. You lie to yourself until that's the only thing you believe. You make yourself believe everyday is getting better, you put yourself more out there to do things and experience things with new people. And one day you wake up and realize it really has gotten better.

    It's definitely not easy. I still miss my best friend and honestly sometimes I don't even know why I should go on. But if I sit back and think I've done so much for my self in the last couple years that if I just gave up I'd be throwing away all my new friends and my job that I actually kind of like.

    I'm not going to say it's going to get better for you because I have no idea your mindset and how much you want to work toward making it better. But I really do hope it gets better for you.
     
  9. Danefied

    Danefied New Member

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    Stephy you nailed it. Something has to change. You have far more power to change yourself than anything else. And the magic is, when you change, your situation changes. That black cloud goes away. It really does. Because when you change, you attract different people and different company and different circumstances.

    How to change? One minute at a time. Gently, kindly, lovingly.

    A book I love that’s really a short, easy read, is “The Four Agreements” by Miguel Ruiz. It may sound familiar if you have followed Buddhist teachings - and in many ways it is a very watered down Buddhist-type philosophy. But it puts the responsibility on you - and thus the POWER with you.

    I wish you the best. We’re all on the same journey, and we’ll all get there. Some us us take more detours than others, and some of those detours are bumpier than others, but there is always someone who has travelled that same path who are happy to lend a hand and guide you. You just have to look up from your own feet sometimes and see that they’re right there guiding you.
     
  10. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Thanks alot everyone....

    Yeah, it's difficult....my mind has been really clouded especially in the past few days. I don't know....I just don't know. It's really tempting to just give up even though I know I shouldn't....

    Argh...just being alive to me has become such a painful thing....
     
  11. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Been there before.

    There now.

    Will no doubt be there again.

    It comes in cycles.

    After doing a few past life regressions, though, I'm not tempted anymore. I want to get the lessons this time so I don't have to repeat them again.

    “This is a test to see if your mission in this life is complete, if you are alive, it isn't.”
    ― Richard Bach
     
  12. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Argh.....this sh!t is hard. That's all I have the energy to say right now.
     
  13. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Yup. It surely is. (((((((HUGS)))))))
     
  14. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    I think we all go thru slumps mine are fewer & farer btw luckily I was in a really bad place for a while after Izze passed away.
     
  15. Doberluv

    Doberluv Active Member

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    I really like that a lot.

    Steph, you won't always feel like this. Most people have ups and downs and some people have really dramatic downs. But if you feel so awful and low for more than a couple weeks, you really need to see a doctor imo. There's no need to go along like that for too long a stretch. There are good people to talk to who can help steer you in a healthy direction. And there are good drugs which act on your serotonin and so forth which can help.

    Since you never know what's in store for the future...it's a mystery, maybe you can see it as something interesting to find out about as you go through life. Not that it's all going to be rainbows and butterflies, but that it might just prove to be interesting. You can do things to make it more interesting too... like take a new class or take up a new hobby to get your mind on some happier things.

    I do hope your mood improves and you seek out ways to help yourself. Don't waste your life feeling lousy. Life really is a gift and it only comes along here once. (I don't know about after life.)

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
     
  16. Laurelin

    Laurelin I'm All Ears

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    It is hard. I was there for sure a couple years ago. Barely anything there to hold onto other than a little tricolor fluffy puppy.

    I'm still not where I want to be. I don't have as many friends my age as I would like. Not many to really go hang out with and I miss it. It seems like every person I've reached out to lately has said 'no'. But I try and a lot of times I look back and realize it was me saying no to them. A lot is changing myself and it's hard. But I'm adjusting and it's getting better. I've really just had to say 'screw this' and throw myself out there. It's easier said than done and I still falter back more often than I'd like. Right now I am fighting with a 'I can't' for something coming up tomorrow and sunday. It hurts sometimes and I think I get hurt easily when I really shouldn't be.

    Every day I try to do something that is an improvement. Even if it's little by little. I try to talk to someone new or someone I barely know. Go somewhere new. If all else fails, take a walk with the dogs someplace fun.

    I let myself get into a huge funk after my mom died, my friends moved away, and staying home and taking care of her every second of every day was so draining. It is slow going. Sometimes painfully slow. But it does get better. I am much further than I was a year ago and I keep reminding myself of that.
     

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