The Venting Thread

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by *blackrose, Sep 3, 2012.

  1. Picklepaige

    Picklepaige Active Member

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    Thanks to everyone who responded; I just really needed a place to vent, so why not the venting thread :p

    And dear lord I feel like I'm back in high school with all this boy drama crap. I'm seriously getting embarrassed writing all this out, haha.

    To everyone who asked, when I say not in an "official" relationship, I mean we're not going out, we refer to each other as "friend," not as "boyfriend/girlfriend," little things like that. Quite honestly, we started off as friends with benefits, because I was a crazy depressed teenager who did stupid things, and over the years we've gradually developed into what we are now; we just never really label ourselves as a couple, for whatever reason. I'm not exactly sure why we don't, I think it'd make things easier when explaining to other people. We act like a couple, I can say with confidence that I am in love with him, and he feels the same way.

    Honestly, we're like that perfect couple that everyone is jealous of. We "get" each other, we've never had a single fight, and we're almost sickeningly lovey dovey with each other...so now that an issue has popped up, I'm freaking out. I know this is my problem, not his, because in the past, I wouldn't have cared if he slept with other women. Back when we were first starting to become close, I thought he actually had slept with someone else (it turns out he didn't) and I honestly didn't care, and I definitely wasn't jealous. I told him I didn't get jealous. But that was a couple years ago, and now that I've been with him longer, I'm so much more attached to him, and my feelings have drastically changed.

    Like CaliTerp said, I know we really need to have a chat about all this, but I'm nervous about bringing it up. I know he won't get mad, I would probably have to murder his family for him to get genuinely mad at me, but I'm scared he'll be disappointed. I'm afraid he'll be upset that I'm no longer "who I used to be," in that sense.
     
  2. CharlieDog

    CharlieDog Rude and Not Ginger

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    Pickle, I think, honestly, that honesty is totally the best policy, and explaining to him rationally won't make him mad at you. If he's disappointed that he can't sleep with this other person, you need to talk to him about where your relationship is going.

    It will feel SO much better to sit down and get it off your chest, and when you know how he feels, you'll know what direction to head in, as far as your relationship goes.
     
  3. ruffiangirl

    ruffiangirl New Member

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    I would also wager he knows how you feel or else he wouldn't have asked.
     
  4. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    I felt a tiny trickle of insecurity, so instead of being rational.. I let it fester and build for weeks then suddenly and without warning hit my boyfriend with it FULL FORCE.
    I mean paragraphs on paragraphs of it.

    I was feeling way too attached to him, and told him I might want some space to kind of get my bearings. He said "Ok". The idea of him being ok with me wanting space (WHICH IS WHAT I WANTED) finally threw me off the deep end and I went nuts and just dumped my issues all over him.

    And the communication thing isn't easy which only makes it worse.

    Why do I do this? WHYYYYYYY???

    On one hand, yes, I do over think, I do over-react, I do write long winded paragraphs and it can be a bit alarming.
    On the other, I feel like those are things that are ok to do with someone who supposedly love you.
    and instead of being comforting he was being all
    "You need to calm down, every thing is fine. You are over thinking this. Calm down."

    I KNOW IM OVER THINKING I WANT YOU TO BE COMFORTING YOU'RE ANALYTICAL COLD APPROACH TO MY FEELINGS MAKES ME FREAK OUT EVEN MORE.

    He just..calls me perfect all the time but being perfect is exhausting and the very idea of me have shaken that image and he not liking this one is just.. :(

    I feel like I ruined everything and would like to go wallow in self pity for the rest of forever
     
  5. *blackrose

    *blackrose "I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"

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    I have a very bad feeling I am about to do something similar...because he just isn't getting the smaller hints I'm throwing at him.

    BUT, that being said, at times when I have poured out my emotions on one thing or another and Michael isn't giving me the appropriate response that I need to calm myself down, I tell him what I need from him. "No, don't be logical, just shut up make me feel better." Or something of the sort. Which he gladly does, because his attempt to be logical was his attempt to be comforting, and that just wasn't what I needed TO be comforted, but he didn't know that.
     
  6. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    Think on this , NO ONE is who they used to be. Everyone grows everyday. hugs and I hope you can work it out .
     
  7. DJEtzel

    DJEtzel New Member

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    I agree with this.

    I've been there, done that Fran... and it is exhausting emotionally.

    I've found that most guys just don't understand that you don't want them to talk you through it and actually want comfort. I don't think it's natural for many men? Tell him what you want in that sort of situation (when it's not actively happening) and see what he does next time.
     
  8. Beanie

    Beanie Clicker Cult Coordinator

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    The thing with men is they ARE, generally speaking, analytical first. And what they're looking for is the solution to the problem. It's not that they're cold - it's just they think in a different manner. Blackrose is dead on: if she communicates she just needs comfort rather than logic and solutions, it's not a problem, but without saying "Will you stop trying to be so logical about this and just make me feel better?" he's not aware.
    (As it happens this is what drives me crazy about talking to women - they DON'T try to solve problems and think you just want an "oh, poor baby, I'm so sorry!" NO! I WANT HELP! STOP!!)

    I mean, you told him you wanted space. What's the answer to that besides "okay?" If you said you wanted space and he said NO he's a controlling, possessive jerk. There is no other (sane) response to that except okay.
    He's not saying he doesn't like you. He's not saying HE wants space. You said you wanted space, and he was respectful of that. Probably because he loves you and he's confident you love him too, so you're being overly emotional right now and a little crazy, but when you're done, everything will be fine. Which is what he said... everything is fine.

    I hate to tell you this, Fran, but I'm fairly confident he KNOWS you aren't perfect and probably knew it long before this. What he likely means is you're perfect for him. And that's the only kind of perfect he needs. He doesn't need your definition of perfect, mine, or any other person's definition of perfect... only his. And that's what he sees you as. Don't take it as some kind of measure you have to stand up to. He's not asking you to measure up to anything... he's just telling you how he feels about you. Just by nature of being you, you measure up to how he feels. No more than that.


    Don't be subtle with men. Just don't. It won't work. For that matter, don't be subtle with women either. You don't have to be blunt and harsh, but just say stuff. Stop hinting. Just say it.
     
  9. ~Dixie's_Mom~

    ~Dixie's_Mom~ ♥Chloe & Violet♥

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    Hey, me too!!
     
  10. Saeleofu

    Saeleofu Active Member

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    :hail: :hail: :hail:

    This. A million times over. In EVERY situation.
     
  11. Greenmagick

    Greenmagick New Member

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    This

    The nature of relationships is that they change, the evolve, they deepen.

    Honestly I have never (well since like grade school) made a relationship "official". It just grows to that on its on. Not saying that defining it is not a good idea if both aren't on the same page or there are questions, but that I think most WOULD consider yours and official relationship.
     
  12. Jules

    Jules Magic, motherf@%$*#!

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    Yes, yes, and yes. Be direct and honest, both of you.

    Polygamous relationships or friends with benefits situations are fine, unless one party feels differently. At that point, you deserve more, you deserve to be with someone who feels the same way about you, and you only. That doesn't mean that he's a bad guy, but if he's not wanting a monogamous relationship with you, then I believe it's better to go back to being only friends, otherwise it'll break your heart and you definitely don't deserve that.


    Fran, I understand what you are going through, I went through the same thing when my husband was out for training or deployed. I told him things I wanted a reaction to, and he wouldn't do that. He didn't want to because he didn't want a fight with so much distance between us. He wanted to make me happy because that's the only thing he could do being so far away. If you really wanted space, the worst thing for him to do would be to try to keep you close and try to persuade you otherwise, wouldn't it? So, unless he starts a fight, he'll say "okay."

    Just tell him what you really feel and it'll be okay. He'll know. :)
     
  13. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    There is beef stew cooking in my crock pot at home, and I am at work and I'm starving and all I can think of is eating beef stew. HURRY UP, TIME!
     
  14. SoCrafty

    SoCrafty New Member

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    I audited a coworkers work yesterday, as per my job. Today they were a no call no show. I feel really awful. It's not the first time I've reviewed them...and I really liked this person. They were nice and I basically feel like it was because of me that they left. My other coworkers told me that I'm really sweet and that it probably wasn't me that caused it. Can't help but feel my review was the straw that broke the camel's back.
     
  15. Oko

    Oko Silence, peasants.

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    I wish people would not be so judgmental about mental vs physical problems. Shared something about myself that I haven't made public but wouldn't care if anyone knew, and got told I should try harder by a TEACHER. Just ugh. I know it shouldn't bother me, but.
     
  16. yv0nne

    yv0nne Vizsla mom

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    Everyone else is getting married. Meanwhile, I'm all ..what's up, life partner?
     
  17. HayleyMarie

    HayleyMarie Like a bat outa' hell

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    I will be getting married....eventually, but I want to get hitched NOW!!! Tyler and I have been together since high school. So pretty much forever. I tie myself over by helping my best friends plan their wedding and planning my own wedding that will happen eventually, sigh!
     
  18. yv0nne

    yv0nne Vizsla mom

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    Yeah, it's been 9yrs as of like ..2 weeks ago? Insanity. I'm not even engaged :( Nor will I be in any immediate kind of future.
     
  19. HayleyMarie

    HayleyMarie Like a bat outa' hell

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    WHY!?!?!?! I am hoping for the next two years or so. We have plans to get married, but we just bought a house and we have some expenses we want to pay off first, but I just want the dang ring so I can stop calling him my boyfriend, because he is way more than that.

    Men can be so stubborn. GRrrr...
     
  20. yv0nne

    yv0nne Vizsla mom

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    I just don't think he'll ever make the leap from 'boyfriend' ..which irks me because it's ridiculous to be two adults who have been together forever& not be more than BF/GF~!!~!~!

    I'm also slightly bitter and just want a **** ring and to elope with pretty photos.

    Owning a house& paying off expenses makes sense. I'd still be in your mindset of GIVEMEARING.
     

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