Thanks to everyone who responded; I just really needed a place to vent, so why not the venting thread And dear lord I feel like I'm back in high school with all this boy drama crap. I'm seriously getting embarrassed writing all this out, haha. To everyone who asked, when I say not in an "official" relationship, I mean we're not going out, we refer to each other as "friend," not as "boyfriend/girlfriend," little things like that. Quite honestly, we started off as friends with benefits, because I was a crazy depressed teenager who did stupid things, and over the years we've gradually developed into what we are now; we just never really label ourselves as a couple, for whatever reason. I'm not exactly sure why we don't, I think it'd make things easier when explaining to other people. We act like a couple, I can say with confidence that I am in love with him, and he feels the same way. Honestly, we're like that perfect couple that everyone is jealous of. We "get" each other, we've never had a single fight, and we're almost sickeningly lovey dovey with each other...so now that an issue has popped up, I'm freaking out. I know this is my problem, not his, because in the past, I wouldn't have cared if he slept with other women. Back when we were first starting to become close, I thought he actually had slept with someone else (it turns out he didn't) and I honestly didn't care, and I definitely wasn't jealous. I told him I didn't get jealous. But that was a couple years ago, and now that I've been with him longer, I'm so much more attached to him, and my feelings have drastically changed. Like CaliTerp said, I know we really need to have a chat about all this, but I'm nervous about bringing it up. I know he won't get mad, I would probably have to murder his family for him to get genuinely mad at me, but I'm scared he'll be disappointed. I'm afraid he'll be upset that I'm no longer "who I used to be," in that sense.