The Chaos that has became my life

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by StephyMei1112, Nov 17, 2012.

  1. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Psych wards range in quality from comparable to a war prison to not-so-bad. They're never fun, but if you end up in one where the biggest complaint is witchy nurses and strict curfew hours, be glad there's hot water, private showers, and no gang fights.

    They're disgustingly bureaucratic, but I guess when they're dealing with acute emergency care, they do their best. You might make some lifelong friends, too (but be careful who you give info to, let into your house, etc...until you get to know them a little better).

    Hostels are a good idea, and some of them in NYC have sort of private little rooms. The walls don't go all the way to the ceilings, so you can hear everyone (or wear earplugs) and the rooms are TINY, but it's dirt cheap and you get some privacy.

    ETA: also here, there are agencies that will rent out rooms for very, very cheap. You can find stuff on craigslist or whatever, too, but if you can find a room rental agency for a very small fee you get roommates with a background check and a room for like $400-$500 a month (which is way below average here).
     
  2. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    This keeps giving me a giggle. I like how you made your point ;)
     
  3. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    Yeah but they have come a long way from the early days where folks like me with ADHD were committed :/
     
  4. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    I pity anyone who was admitted to a psych ward before the turn of the century.
     
  5. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    Surely.

    The LAST one. :eek:
     
  6. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    The dog is an equal - but I've had alot of bfs...
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    From where I left off....


    *9:00 PM: I am told that a bed in the ward is avalible and that I am to be escorted there presently. I am wheelchaired there (I asked to walk and was denied the 'priviledge') through a cavernous, squalid looking tunnel. I was officially checked into the "Brief intervention unit". I am welcomed by a portly nurse named *Jenny who took my blood pressure manually (! I didn't know those pumps still existed). She was kind, comforting, maternal, and had the supportive air of a older therapy Lab. She asked me what had happened and I recanted the hellish events of the past days to her as well as my worries of Katalin. I was offered a sad looking double-layered sandwich wrapped in saran and was asked if I liked cheese.

    "....Not that kind of cheese." I said.

    "This is the real cheese, not the phony cheese." She said.

    Velveeta on hospital grade mayo and white bread. Nuff said.

    I can't sleep all night - I get a piercing stomach ache at about 4 AM and spend some time in the bathroom. *Jenny checks in on me and asks if I'm ok or if I needed ginger ale. It took me aback somewhat since I've crapped unaccompanied since I was about 3 but I thanked her and said I would manage.

    *November 8th - 12th

    I am restless, uneasy, anxious, and stressed. I am allowed to be out on my own for 15 minute increments per hour - cell phone access is limited to those increments or under nurse supervision on the ward.

    My friend shows up near the weekend and has Katalin safe and sound from the animal control shelter in her car. I step outside for the first time since my admission; I relish the cool air, street lights, and the whole "outside" world in general. I kiss and hug Katalin and go into abit of a crying fit before she left to be dropped off at Xandra's.

    I am asked on a regular basis if I have any thoughts of violence or self harm - I understand the logic to that but it just gets really tedious.

    *Dr Fischer, my case doctor gives me a primary assessment - she says she wishes to determine if I'm suffering from some sort of paranoid/schizo disorder (I had blamed the entire situation on the creditors acting unlawfully, the bailiffs, my mom and brother, possibly other members of my mom's family, and the civil dispute/police systems). She asks to contact others to gather facts - I say by all means but that I do not want anything about my condition, status, or the fact that I am even at a Psych ward to be revealed and that they should be aware that what alot of parties will say will not be in my favor. She acknowledges this and obtains numbers - I speak to the social worker as well (useless hag, I'm sorry but she really was for me) - then scurry off to read.

    Magazines and books are old and ratty - the most recent editions being scarce and at least 6 months behind - the oldest was a Macleans from 1985. I gather up all the New Yorker's for the fiction and lengthy articles.

    To be continued.....

    I am being discharged this afternoon at around 3 - 4 PM. Wish me luck....
     
  7. Baxter'smybaby

    Baxter'smybaby swimming upstream

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    yes, yes and yes!
     
  8. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

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    You're in our thoughts and prayers. Sorry that the hospital wasn't more restful, but glad that it's overall okay and that you're safe. Kat is having fun with her zoi friends, but she's definitely anxious to get back to you.

    She has incredibly good dog manners for an only dog. I'm really impressed. She takes correction from other dogs really well and is very respectful of them and their boundaries. My guys will be sprawled all over the place asleep, and she very carefully tiptoes around them. It's miles better than some dogs I've babysat, who just jump over them or step on them. She's good with the chinchillas and our cats too, and likes kids. She's much more comfortable around babies now too. I think she'd do really well in a multi dog household at this point, or with small animals if you found a roommate that has cats or something.
     
  9. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    I'm dying to see pics of Kat and the Zois :D

    And of her reunion with Stephy <3
     
  10. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

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    If it ever stops raining here I can get some of them romping outside. I'm afraid to take the camera out.
     
  11. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

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    Here is a pic of Kat being all muddy. She wanted to go back to her roots and try out the CO look.

    [​IMG]

    She haunts the door, trying to find a way out to get to Stephy. Usually I have her dragging a leash in case she tries to door dart.
    [​IMG]
     
  12. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    Steph. Keep on keeping on and the rest of you. I applaud you and really am in awe. I wish all the best to you all. And steph , I pray your dad is ok.
     
  13. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    She's rockin' the CO look, lol. Hopefully Stephy will get a chance to check online after she's discharged and see it :)
     
  14. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    It's really nice of you to keep her dogs for her , that's great :) I hope I have friends that would do that for me.
     
  15. noludoru

    noludoru Bored Now.

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    If your biggest complaints are about the nurses being incompetent, lack of internet, and the food you are being fed, I would say you are lucky. Losing the possibility of seeing the sky again because a judge thinks you should become a ward of the state or getting raped when you're drugged and helpless is far worse. I do not want or intend to belittle your experience, but I would like to put it into some perspective.

    The most important thing I have to say here is that regardless of your feelings or thoughts on suicide before now, you are at more risk for suicide than you ever were before hospitalization.

    Sources: http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/10/6/434.full
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15809410
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8101307
    http://www.jad-journal.com/article/S0165-0327(08)00353-4/abstract
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/12/AR2009011201326.html

    It goes on. And on.

    You need a support group, you need a good therapist that you click with, and you need Kat. You may need to be open to the possibility of medication; or trying new ones if the current ones are not working.

    Being in the psych ward is awful, but it will most likely get worse from here. You have the support of everyone who posted in this thread (and I'm sure that of plenty that didn't!). Take it. Call someone when you need them, even if it's at 2am. Don't be afraid to ask for help; you'll be surprised at the number of people who want to.
     
  16. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Indeed I know for sure that I haven't had it a fraction as bad as others may have experienced but on a very individual/personal level of experience and judgement - it was quite harrowing.

    I told my dr about the house and what happened with Emiley a couple months ago and that I had been feeling very suicidal most of this year. Her response: "why haven't you done it yet?"

    .........

    I've been out in touch with a support group called "SAFER"

    http://www.hopevancouver.com/Suicide.html

    Hopefully the counsellors there are of a better understanding and help.

    Honestly right now....

    I need a safe, affordable place to be.
    I need financial help.
    I need a pause from all of this incessant trouble.
    I need to know that my dog is ok - I won't take her back until my situation is very stable.
    I need to see my dad - I think he either hid out in the attic of the house then escaped after the fracas boiled over or he dashed out through a door on the other side of the house (most of the action was happening in the backyard).

    All else won't help in the interim. Therapy won't do me any good if I'm on the street....
     
  17. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    You're doing a good job of keeping part of this on a rational level, and I know that's difficult and it's something that many people cannot do. That takes strength and an ability to step outside yourself and see the situation from an objective perspective.

    For what it's worth, your list makes good sense to me. You're seeking out aid and making plans but remaining flexible, and at the very least Kat's safe and taken care of -- with affection -- so that's one worry you can cross off your list :)

    BTW, Kat's beautiful and she has a beautiful soul looking out through those eyes.
     
  18. Doberluv

    Doberluv Active Member

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    Kat looks wonderful, mud and all. That is definitely one worry you can let go. She's in good hands. I've been so busy, haven't spent much time here. But I want to reiterate that you have a lot of people who care about you Steph. I have a feeling that your Dad will surface at some point when he thinks it's safe. The pieces will slowly start coming together again for you. Do not give up ever. Be strong like you have been and seek help before you get to that lowest point of despair. The sun will shine upon you again dear. When the tide goes out, it always comes back in. (((hugs)))
     

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