I need to write a thank you, but thank you doesn't seem to be enough. When I first received that haunting phone call, the man who's always smiles and snark, the man I have never seen cry, was almost speechless with tears. I barely heard the words, he could barely tell me anything. I left work immediately, my poor boss and client left in my dust. I had to pull over several times in a battle of racing the clock and realizing I genuinely couldn't drive through the panic. My baby boy was dead. I called my parents, some attempt to calm me. Breathing was difficult but the one thing remained, he couldn't be dead. He couldn't. Denis must have misunderstood, I would get home and we would fix this, together. But, I got home and my worst, even that seems like a weak word, nightmare was present. When home Denis met me at the door but there were no sounds, Backup and Arnold were always noisy, they rejoiced in homecomings with barks, tap dancing, thumping wags, and even howls if you were lucky. I rushed to the bathroom, convinced that I could do something, I could help him but Backup was dead, cold and stiff, Denis had drained the filthy water but there was no way to save him. Still though I kept telling myself he would be okay, I kept seeing him breath, those beautifully wild eyes would come to life as if to say, fooled ya, let's play! He was only three, we had just finished our long hard road to the CD, we had our BH, our IPO1, our CDX, and agility waiting on us. He couldn't be gone, my partner, my constant who was going to help me through it when Arnold went. Thats when I realized I wasn't just losing one but both of my boys that night. Arnold had been damaged beyond repair and I was forced to let him go. Denis and I sat in this horrible little room, although I doubt I would like any room, and let my best friend go, the one who started it all and taught me more about dogs than any other dog has even attempted. I saw a woman leave the vet with her dog and I hated her, a cruel and useless emotion but I couldn't fathom why she got to keep her partner and I lost both of mine. So here is where I say thank you. I came home and found myself broken, never to be the same again. We did everything right and nothing at all, we failed and we lost our sweet, silly boys. The clowns of our family. I didn't know how to love or laugh anymore but little by little my friends, you guys, are teaching me. The amazing gestures brought forth, honoring the memory of my boys and their gifts that they gave us all is breathtaking. What you have given us is the ability to move on, to honor our boys memory. We are dealing with a destroyed bathroom, stained and damaged walls, broken doors, water damage, and ruined floors. These are just things but these are constant reminders of the terrible end to two amazing lives. I want to remember them for the way they were, not the way they left us. For this, and every single one of the private messages and more, I cannot thank you enough. You're helping us in more ways than you know how, you're giving us hope and a reason to continue. I hope someday I can give back to each and everyone of you the way you've even to us, until then Thank you.