Surnames

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by milos_mommy, Feb 8, 2013.

  1. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    I was going to put this in the Moms thread, but I guess anyone who has a last name can have an opinion on this :p

    Who's kids have a different last name than them? Or will have a different last name? Does anyone have a different last name than either of their parents, or a hyphenated last name? Do you like it? Did it ever cause difficulties in childhood/school/socially?

    I'm not sure what last name I want to give my child...either mine, his, or hyphenated. If he doesn't have a preference, I'll likely give the baby my last name, but if he wants the baby to have his, I'm not totally opposed to that.

    On one hand - His last name is easier to spell, and pronounce. I have absolutely no family sharing my last name except my brother, no connection to it. It doesn't reflect my heritage, it's difficult to spell and pronounce, and I don't like it. While his parents are also divorced and there are a number of surnames in his family, his father, grandparents, etc. share the last name.

    If I ever got married, I would want to take my husband's last name. If I gave my baby my last name this would change....I'd probably hyphen my last name, which I don't particularly want to do.

    I hate to say this...but everything I'm doing I'm sort of doing with a custody battle in mind. We get along well, are both fairly easy-going and cooperative, and are both children of nasty divorces who do NOT want to end up in court over our kid. Yet anytime anything goes in writing, text, email...I think about what it would look like to a judge. And I can't help but think that if the kid has his last name, it might be easier for him to get custody if things drastically changed. I'm also considering any issues/confusion it might cause in school or with insurance/legally, but these days so many kids have different last names than parents, it doesn't seem like too big of a deal.

    Hyphening it seems like an obvious answer, but that means a lot of letters and like it would be clunky and awkward.
     
  2. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    here , the baby get the mothers last name unless the dad signs a paper acknowledging paternity. You can also leave it blank and force him to get a paternity test , but then you would have to probably forgo child support.
    My son Calebs sperm donor wanted me to abort , so i took his money and told him I did and he moved away. I went on a baby thing buying spree with it. Caleb does not have a father listed on his birth cert and has my last name.



    While Chris and I are not married , in my household there are 3 diffrent last names.
    Chris , Jacob , Virginia and Victoria share one.
    Cyle and Nick share there birth moms last name
    Caleb and i share one also.

    Check ya local laws , you may not have much choice.
     
  3. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Wait...why would a DNA test involve forgoing child support?? Wouldn't getting a DNA test make it easier for me to get child support? I'm not seeking child support, anyway.


    His name will be on the birth certificate. So I'm pretty sure in this state we have the choice (and I'm pretty sure I have the choice to give my kid whatever last name I want...even if it's completely unrelated to either of us...the only thing you need to have the other parent sign for is for THEIR name to be on the birth certificate as father).

    Ex: If he wasn't going to sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity and I did not get an Order of Filiation, the "father" area of the birth certificate would be left blank, I could not list him there. But I could still give my baby his last name, or whatever other last name I wanted.

    ETA: I forgot to ask: What's it like having those different last names in your house? Is it easy enough for you to deal with the younger kid's schooling/insurance/etc. even though you don't share a last name?
     
  4. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    I meant slow down the process , not stop it. sorry coffeee is just starting to kick in,


    and yes easy , no questions ever asked . no hassles ever.
     
  5. MandyPug

    MandyPug Sport Model Pug

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    I have my dad's last name and my mum is remarried. It has caused some tricky situations at the border and more recently when I'm trying to join an account.
     
  6. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    These days I don't think it really phases many people anymore. We don't have kids, but I didn't take my husband's name when we were married and it has never caused any real problems.

    The only time it has caused any trouble was many years ago when, of all things, we bought a joint fishing license at a bait shop. I just politely asked how many other couples were asked to provide their marriage certificates to prove they were married instead of, say, brother and sister... and that was that.
     
  7. skittledoo

    skittledoo Crazy naked dog lady

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    I share my dad's last name. I have three sisters that also have my dad's last name and one brother that has my mom's last name. My mom is getting divorced again though and said she is planning to go back to her maiden name so she will have a different last name than all of us.

    Didn't cause any major issues when I was growing up that I can recall.
     
  8. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Yeah, my only real concern is international travel. I guess bringing along a copy of the birth certificate would solve that.
     
  9. MandyPug

    MandyPug Sport Model Pug

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    If they had scanned my passport it would have solved it right then, but they just looked at them and saw that two white people were transporting an Asian looking kid with a different last name back into Canada and decided to separate me for some questions.
     
  10. Lyzelle

    Lyzelle New Member

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    My mother has been married three times. She had me with her first husband, and I had his last name. My brother was born out of wedlock, and took her maiden name. Later, our biological father/her first husband remarried her and adopted Ethan. Then they divorced again.

    Second husband adopted the both of us. So one name change for me, two for Ethan. My mother also took his last name. Then he died 3 or 4 years later.

    Third husband, she hyphenated her name since he didn't adopt us. So he had one name, we had a different name, and my mother used both names. And that is mostly how it is today, except that I'm married.

    As far as social/school/legal things were concerned, there were never had any issues.

    But, from my viewpoint, it got to a point where the last name didn't even matter anymore. I felt like I was being "claimed" each time the circumstances changed, and I was either wanted/not wanted into a family due to a simple name and IF the guy decided to adopt me. And I didn't want to belong, either. They were temporary, they didn't mean anything, but they were stupidly still part of my identity. If I could have gone through life without a last name, I would have. I know it's stupid to base everything on a last name, but I never said the thought was logical, really. I wish my mother would have just given us HER name. No matter what, as sad as it is, she's still our mother. The guys always changed, but she didn't. It would have been simpler that way.
     
  11. Lyzelle

    Lyzelle New Member

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    You have to provide legal proof the kid is yours anyway, with written consent of the father unless deceased. Separated, divorced, deceased...all parents have to provide that info on the passport application. So that doesn't/shouldn't(people are always stupid) change anything.
     
  12. CatStina

    CatStina SBT Lover!!

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    My brother and I have my dad's last name and my mom has my stepdad's last name. We haven't really run into many issues with it. Though she did keep my dad's last name until I was in middle school (about 4 years after the divorce).

    ETA: We travelled to Finland and to the Bahamas with different last names.
     
  13. Emily

    Emily Rollin' with my bitches

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    No thoughts on kids but I've already decided not to change my last name if I get married. No ill feelings towards those who do, there's just no point to me. I like my name and I'm gonna keep it (even if it is long and German). Not worried about the theoretical SO's feelings on it because if he has a problem with that we're not gonna last anyway. ;)

    For kids... I dunno, I might be a hippy and hyphenate, LOL, but my last name is long and if the kid's dad had a long name too, it just gets kind of awkward.
     
  14. MandyPug

    MandyPug Sport Model Pug

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    I'm keeping mine because its simply a pretty cool last name. I have zero contact with my dad anymore but I do like my last name.
     
  15. TheAllredBunch

    TheAllredBunch New Member

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    My parents divorced basically when I was in the womb and I was given my fathers last name. When he remarried and moved to SC it was really difficult because we had to bring my birth certificate almost everywhere to prove that my mom WAS my mom since she had a different last name. I would advise having the child have your last name and if you get married you can legally change both names. I wish my mom had given me her last name it made things very hard growing up.

    Also I have a hyphenated first name and it was such a pain my entire life i went ahead and made it one word when I got married and had to change my name.
     
  16. Linds

    Linds Twin 2

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    I have a hyphenated last name and I honestly love it. I like having that piece of my mom and my dad and if I get married I would add on I think.

    When I was little it was a pain writing it all out. I was bribed with getting Lion King on VHS when it came out if I would write my full name on all my papers in Kindergarten.

    My mom hyphenated her last name because she was an only child and the last person with her last name in the family so she didn't want to loose that. My dad though just kept his last name and didn't hyphenate it because it was way to much paperwork for the guy to change his name.

    But yeah, I like having my two last names. Just makes it unique and I have two last names to pick from if I don't want to use my "real" name.
     
  17. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    You can't just legally change your child's last name to a step-parent's, unless the father gives up his legal rights. So my choice if I got married would be to either change my name to a different one from my child's, or keep my maiden name (which I don't like and wouldn't prefer to do).
     
  18. Taqroy

    Taqroy Active Member

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    Honestly, if I had a do over I wouldn't change my last name. I had no idea how alien it would be going from the name I'd had for 22 years to a name that wasn't even mine. It felt like a loss of identity and I think it really contributed to the problems we had early on. If my maiden name wouldn't look incredibly stupid being hyphenated I would have done that. (My maiden name is New. It doesn't matter what the last name is, it would look stupid. Lol.)

    I dunno what I would do if me and Matt weren't married...I suppose it would depend on how committed we were/are (ie one night stand, couple month relationship, long term relationship).
     
  19. ruffiangirl

    ruffiangirl New Member

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    I have my son his fathers last name...biggest mistake ever! I wish I had just given him mine. IF we had gotten married and I changed mine to his, changing our sons would have been no big deal. We didn't, I left him 2 years later. Now my son lives with me and my husband and we all have different last names, because I haven't changed mine...yet. At school and to his friends he uses my last name, but legally it's still his dads. In response to the above post, we were together for 2 years before I got pregnant, still big mistake lol.

    For travel it doesn't matter, I have to get permission from his father to take him out if the province and a written letter to take him out if the country. They have never questioned his last name because its the same as his dads on the letter.
     
  20. Michiyo-Fir

    Michiyo-Fir New Member

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    Both my cousins have both last names because my aunt wanted them to keep the Asian last name in there. My aunt is Asian, my uncle is Caucasian. But somehow they never actually use both because it's too troublesome. Only when filling out forms they use their full names otherwise, they only use my uncle's last name.
     

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