I found a few of these while browsing im done working and have time on my hands lol.
The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head
cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear
"You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're
browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that JPEG frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Dogmore Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that
signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the
Microsoft OpposableThumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice
recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5 SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK
are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than
online chat rooms.
and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...
1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE
WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *
(source: David Letterman Show)
The Creation story as told by Snoopy
On the first day, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the
earth to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man
could labour for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the
dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to
keep the dog happy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to
walk the dog.
Lol that ones my favorite
Advice To Dogs
1 After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel dry you!
Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself on the sheets.
This is especially good if it's right before your humans' bedtime.
2 Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home,
put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act
as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the
humans frantically search the house for the damage they think
you have caused.
3 Hide from your humans. When your humans come home,
don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them.
and make them think something terrible has happened to you.
(Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken
and close to tears).
4 Wake up 20 minutes before the alarm clock is set to go
off and make the humans take you out. As soon as you get
back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep
after going outside; this will drive them nuts!)
DOG RULES
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. OK, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed
to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. OK, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not
under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10.Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers
with the dog.
THINGS TO LEARN
FROM A GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in
your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp and play daily.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close
by and nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire
body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the
guilt thing and pout... run right back and make friends.
Bond with your pack.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head
cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear
"You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're
browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that JPEG frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Dogmore Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that
signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the
Microsoft OpposableThumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice
recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5 SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK
are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than
online chat rooms.
and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...
1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE
WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *
(source: David Letterman Show)
The Creation story as told by Snoopy
On the first day, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the
earth to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man
could labour for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the
dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to
keep the dog happy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to
walk the dog.
Lol that ones my favorite
Advice To Dogs
1 After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel dry you!
Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself on the sheets.
This is especially good if it's right before your humans' bedtime.
2 Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home,
put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act
as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the
humans frantically search the house for the damage they think
you have caused.
3 Hide from your humans. When your humans come home,
don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them.
and make them think something terrible has happened to you.
(Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken
and close to tears).
4 Wake up 20 minutes before the alarm clock is set to go
off and make the humans take you out. As soon as you get
back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep
after going outside; this will drive them nuts!)
DOG RULES
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. OK, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed
to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. OK, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not
under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10.Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers
with the dog.
THINGS TO LEARN
FROM A GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in
your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp and play daily.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close
by and nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire
body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the
guilt thing and pout... run right back and make friends.
Bond with your pack.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
