How many times do we hear I would love to breed so that my children and see the miracle of birth, well this is a mock trailer for a mock video, wonder how many after seeing such a video would think its a good idea to breed. maybe putting this on the site may change their minds.
ANNOUNCING "THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH" VIDEOTAPE
Intended for all those who want to breed little Fluffy in order to let their children experience the "miracle" of birth, this real-time video tape set can either substitute for home breeding or guide you in making the most of your breeding decision.
* Experience the joys of seeing a live puppy pop effortlessly from its mother's body and see her consume the bloody afterbirth! (Most children will squeal with delight when seeing this for the first time - many will make a life-long commitment to celibacy then and there.)
* Enjoy watching the frantic efforts of a breeder trying to resuscitate a still-born puppy.
* See the hilarious actions of a bitch who searches for the puppy she thinks she just dropped but which was quickly tossed into the wastebasket because it was only a blackened, half-developed fetus.
* Reserve a full 36 hours to see the entire set of tapes in one sitting to really share the drama, boredom, and exhaustion of the breeder as she labors to help her struggling bitch in extended labor.
* Watch as a breeder tries to recruit several helpers to carry her dying bitch to the car for transport to the nearest animal hospital in a futile attempt at saving the beloved family pet. (Seeing the children crying and asking what is happening is half the fun!)
* Follow the fun as a breeder and their spouse alternate duties during a full week of 4-hour bottle feedings with a fading puppy while also trying to keep 13 others dry and healthy!
And, as an extra added attraction:
* Laugh with us at the madcap antics of a typical shelter worker as she accepts new animals while keeping a straight face as mom and dad assure little Kevin that the nice lady will take VERY GOOD care of 8-year floppy. Enjoy the thrills as she later shoves unwanted puppies and adult dogs into a gas chamber as she chokes back tears and goes home to try and explain to her children just what she does at work!
* And, for a limited time only, we will include free of charge the video tape of a recent arrest made by the local animal control officer who discovered that someone had falsely declared his male dogs neutered (to save on license fees) and when discovered was planning to do the job himself at home!
The second half of the same bonus tape shows the chagrin of a backyard breeder who was tracked down from her telephone number which was all she ever gave out. This wonderful person would arrange to meet people at local shopping malls where she handed over her 4-5 week-old puppies for $120 each! We were all amazed to find that those 20 puppies she was selling each year all came from the same single bitch and dog.
Yes, if you, or a friend, are considering breeding Fluffy to show children the "miracle" of birth, be sure to get this video and show them the miracle of death at the same time!
We have high hopes for this video, following as it does on the tremendous success of our first effort: "Do it yourself home vasectomy, featuring George "squeaky" Baker," and its sequel, "Do it yourself home explosives mixing, by Bob "lefty" Anderson."
Special to the first five purchasers, one frozen still-born puppy - just wait until you take it home and see how the kids' eyes light up as the pup thaws!!
Mo
