Roommate etiquitte?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by StephyMei1112, Dec 8, 2012.

  1. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    The dog is an equal - but I've had alot of bfs...
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    Ok, So I'm sharing a studio with a guy right now. He's lovely and all - but he's rather girlfriend obsessed at the moment, like, really. It's 3 AM right now and they are getting all lovey-dovey while cooking in the kitchenette.

    I always turn off my light or try and be as quiet as I can while on my laptop while he's sleeping or resting. He does the same when I'm sleeping too and he's up - but factor in his girlfriend and....gosh, it's all loud, giggly, and just very....I'm not sleepy right now but this is just....disruptive. I don't mind it at civilized hours but I usually like being left alone in the night...the price of having a roommate, I know, I know. She's very friendly with me but has displayed cattiness on the odd occasion - I'm passive about it and just walk away if she gets worked up about something ('Ok, sure', 'Whatever', 'Cool, go ahead - I'm headed out anyway' etc)

    He has her over rather often - I try and playfully encourage him to take her out/spend the night at his families house with her etc.

    How would one go about setting guidelines/raising concerns of this type with a roommate? Don't get me wrong - he's a smashing fellow, easy going, upbeat, and very relaxed - but this is abit much....
     
  2. Zhucca

    Zhucca Lab Love

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    I had something similar with my roommate. This chick he had been dating (he was adamant that they weren't bf/gf) was staying over a LOT. Like 5 days a week. Sleep overs, and I'd come home to her on the couch, using my laptop... very aggravating. One day I came home early from work because I had an appointment and she was there. This is at 2pm, her car was covered in snow, and he wasn't home. He was at work. She was staying at my house during the day while he was at work, absolutely not acceptable. I asked her why she was here and she just replied "umm, ahh, ... I was just leaving." I just straight up told him that while he can have friends/gfs over, don't over do it. And if you're not home they're not allowed in the house. That's it.

    However I rent the room out, so it's different when you are renting out someone elses' room. If a roommate doesn't match how I live (within reason, I try to be as flexible and considerate as I can), I kick them out. But still, if your roommate is nice, he'll be willing to hear you out. It's really rude to have guests over so late at night.
     
  3. Kilter

    Kilter New Member

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    I would just mention the noise at night from her, so he knows. Being a guy he may not even realize it. See if you can work out 'quiet time' where both parties agree to keep the noise down.

    If that doesn't work, when she's making all that noise at 3 am, get dressed, be super perky, and go bang on the door and ask if they'd like breakfast since they're up and chat up a storm. LOL.

    If she's there a lot, then she should by rights be paying a third of the rent/bills, so that might be a bonus for you too, who knows...
     
  4. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    If it's once in a while, like one night over the weekend, I'd let it go.

    If it's happening multiple times a week at ungodly hours, I would approach it and ask him if you can discuss having certain quiet hours or something.

    It also depends on the arrangement, if you're paying 1/3rd of the rent to crash on his couch for a few weeks, you don't really have a say. If you're paying half the rent to live with him for a few months as a formal roommate, then you absolutely have a right to ask him to keep it down.

    Also: buy earplugs. Seriously.
     
  5. MilliesMom

    MilliesMom Member

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    Ok... Going on a couple assumptions here:

    1. "Studio" is the same as "bachelor". Kitchen, living room, and bathroom - no bedrooms.

    2. It's the middle of the month and you've only been there three days? It was his apartment first and he invited you to stay?

    I'm wondering what kind of ground rules you guys discussed before you moved in? And was the girlfriend in on that conversation? Close quarters, I can understand a bit of cattiness on her part. You seem to have a good handle on dealing with that.

    He's probably not aware you're disturbed and you're probably having a hard time settling. Give it a few days and yeah, earplugs.
     
  6. Renee750il

    Renee750il Felurian

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    I think Milos and Millies have it pretty well nailed :)

    The earplugs, definitely -- and if he sees you using them it might ease into a benign conversation about the noise ;)

    Expect more from the girlfriend, and keep letting it slide off. She's bound to feel threatened. Had you met before?
     
  7. AdrianneIsabel

    AdrianneIsabel Glutton for Crazy

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    I would be humble and respectful, encourage friendship with the girl and let her know you're not a threat, are you paying equal amounts rent or just crashing?
     
  8. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    I don't put up with "cattiness" I don't typically get along with other women for this reason. I would straight up tell her (not a suggestion this is just me & how I roll) that she best not be getting an uppity attitude ... ESP if its MY apartment that I am sharing.

    In your case I would say try to compromise like ... No visitors after a certain time at night or if your work schedules are different, suggest he have his "adult fun time" when you are at work &, if an opportunity arises for you, you do the same.
     
  9. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Equal amounts - I've paid half the bloody rent plus half utilities.

    He's just being a lovesick fool - dribbly, giggly, giddy idiot around here. I am about to retch, I wasn't even like that with any boyfriend of mine.

    Well, she's been over three nights in a row so far. She usually is polite, friendly, and jokes around - her english is extremely poor and I do not speak her language (Korean) nor does she speak Chinese. A snippet of a conversation we had yesterday:

    "Stepply! how are you?"

    "Hi Sun, I'm ok thanks, you?"

    "...what?? what??? *unintelligible*"

    "Alrighty then..."

    "*unintelligible* ....you go to pop?"

    "Um...."

    "like drink place, the pop"

    "Oh, pubs. Um, not really these days"

    "I see, I see.... You should look your situation now *garbled*....this house is his"

    "Sure it is, I'm off to write some emails ok? You two have a good time"

    *

    "Sleppy! want some drink?"

    "Oh, what are you guys having?"

    *produces a bottle of Bacardi 151*

    "Um...I think I'll have a nightcap - the Brandy will do fine for tonight, Thanks" *points to a bottle on the counter*

    *pours me a glass*

    "*unintelligible*...disney?"

    "....pardon?"

    "...hahaha, never mind, never mind".

    They're making breakfast now while spooning each other standing up =.=""
     
  10. Red.Apricot

    Red.Apricot Active Member

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    You should have a talk with the roommate when the girlfriend isn't around and make an effort to be clear and non-confrontational. Let him know that you're not comfortable with guests past a certain hour.

    People have no way of knowing something like that is bothersome until it's pointed out. People have wildly different living styles. You need to communicate this sort of thing.
     
  11. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    Then yes you do have a say ... Blech just reading that lovey dovey stuff makes me want to hurl I hate PDA :p having recently started to get good at Spanish & working at the race track for so long ... So I get the language barrier thing.
     
  12. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    Yah, because SHE'S being the catty one...
     
  13. Dogdragoness

    Dogdragoness Happy Spring!!!!

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    Stephy ... Explain "catty", because what you are perceiving as catty could be just a culture/language issue/difference. She may not know she is being offensive.
     
  14. AdrianneIsabel

    AdrianneIsabel Glutton for Crazy

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    Yes... but I don't see her as rude at all, in fact you sound worse in this scenario, I'm sorry you are uncomfortable with the language barrier but its time to say hey, lets try to find a better way of communicating, at least she's making an effort.

    It's hard to see people being happy when you're not, misery loves company and lovey couples aren't exactly your bag right now but I'd suck it up except for times when it's interfering with your sleep.
     
  15. Red.Apricot

    Red.Apricot Active Member

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    That's what I meant--that's why I don't think she should talk to the girlfriend at all.

    I wouldn't be able to handle having guests over at 3AM in the same room with me on a regular basis, so I don't think wanting that to be a general house rule is unreasonable.
     
  16. SevenSins

    SevenSins Guest

    It's his apartment, how does "in your own home" qualify as a "public display of affection?" I'm sorry if you're so lonely in your own life that seeing other people happy makes you want to hurl. Really, I am.

    Uh huh...

    Seriously though, OP, you've been there three days, it was his apartment first, adults are allowed to date and you cannot reasonably expect people to not laugh, giggle, talk or display affection in your presence. Buy some ear plugs and don't watch them if they bother you so much.
     
  17. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    I've been nothing but very passive - they've been loud, VERY expressive, and inconsiderate in general (leaving their mess around the kitchen area, playing loud music at all sorts of hours etc). How am I worse?
     
  18. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    This.

    Get some earplugs and thank your lucky stars you have someplace safe and decent to live.
    She isn't stealing, hurting, or being obtrusive..they are just being a couple.What you are describing is hardly worth making a big fuss over IMO especially with your life and living situation the way it is.
    Even if you are paying half...if you aren't on the lease he is well within his rights to tell you to take a hike.

    My advice? Be nice to both of them, buy some earplugs and mind your own business. Don't like them cuddling while making breakfast..don't look. This is a short term very lucky arrangement.. ever try finding an apartment on your own? Credit checks? Co-signers? the time it takes?

    I would suggest looking at the bright side. These aren't BAD room-mates. A bit inconsiderate? Sure.. but that's the price to pay with living in a studio with people.

    Even if they are loud, messy, and annoying. Renting a room short term with room-mates who aren't NUTS is an exceptional find. and I mean nuts like stealing..lying..drug using..picture taking psychopaths.
    You aren't on the lease.. it's HIS apartment. Focus more on your life and less on these tiny annoyances.
     
  19. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Yes but you think that having that all happening at 3 AM is OK? With lights, loud voices, and raucus and all?

     
  20. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    The dog is an equal - but I've had alot of bfs...
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    No fixed abode.
    Actually I AM on the lease - signed something with the building manager the afternoon I moved in. I'm very nice to the both of them - they aren't horrible and I didn't say they were. But I don't think it's unreasonable of me to expect a little peace - especially at 3 AM on any night.... I tiptoe around my computer and watch how loudly I chew when he's asleep - but he's a bull in a china shop with that girl when I'm resting/at very early hours.

    I'm not saying that they have no right to do all of that - but exercise it within reason.

     

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