Raising a Autistic Child as a single parent. Anyone here been there?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by darkchild16, Jun 13, 2012.

  1. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    no we are still waiting for the paperwork to get him seen by a Therapist. He was evaluated by a therapist from a organization that doesnt "dx" autism just refers you to this other organization. Its very confusing LOL.

    Basically he was evaluated by a speech therapist that is also trained to notice red flags of autism in children his age if that makes sense. He has alot of red flags and his father IS autistic they unofficially dx'd him with it and referred him to a OT and ST.
     
  2. Saeleofu

    Saeleofu Active Member

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    You want to know how to act as a parent, but don't you want to know at all what someone actually ON the spectrum goes through? HE can't communicate with you (keep in mind he is only 2 years old) but others can. Surely you could gain some insight by listening to what others have to say.

    I also realize that you want him to have a normal adult life even if his childhood isn't. Truthfully, he will NOT have a normal life, period. You can make it as normal as possible by letting him be a kid and not focusing on his diagnosis every minute of his childhood. Nobody's telling you to ignore it, we're just saying there's more to life than treatment every day, special schools, and medications. Let me be a child. You mentioned home therapy visits, and that's great. Play therapy is AMAZING for kids on the spectrum. OT is great. But all anyone is saying is don't forget there's a kid there. Making life one appointment after the other, to the point where it's not fun anymore, will not make him into a normal adult. Contrary to popular belief, we don't magically turn "normal" when we turn 18. Autism is for life. Even those of us who appear normal are not. We just have learned to cope with it, and fake it when we need to.

    I know that my advice as an autistic person is useless, but I have taken classes on autism as well. Not all of it is from being autistic. I never had therapy as a kid because I wasn't diagnosed until I was almost 21. But I have taken classes to learn about this different therapies and diagnostic tools. Too bad that's not any use to anyone, either.
     
  3. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    I said the information from the parents view is the most important right NOW. Right NOW i need to focus on THAT. How to handle this and that and once I get that under control I can focus on everything else. I have all kinds of things going on right now and the one thing I need to focus on is coping both him and I. If he learns to cope as a child he has a better chance of leading a normal life then if I ignore it. I have SEEN it with my own two eyes what its like if you ignore it. I KNOW what the person goes through. I was married to it for 2 years and in a relationship for 4. I know the good bad and the ugly because it was SUCH a major part of my life. My marriage failed strictly because he was not given the tools to cope and the help in learning to communicate. THAT is the only reason. Im sorry if I dont want my son losing his family over something *I* can work on with him. I know what my husband went through from watching him. I know the problems he had. That is what I want to prevent for my son. Not all therapy is boring. Horse back riding is great therapy, along with play. I have watched therapy with autisitic children when HE (morgan) was in physical therapy it is not boring sit here and learn this. It is teaching ALONG with the therapy. Im not going into this blind as to what it is. Its more how do I structure my life to best raise my son who has a disability.
    He also has a team willing to help with it and the leader is a special education teacher that has known my (ex)husband since he was a child and Morgan and Jeremy seem to be ALOT alike in their difficulties and what not.
     
  4. Saeleofu

    Saeleofu Active Member

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    Clearly you cannot read what is front of your face. I'm finished here.
     
  5. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    To be fair, Sael isn't saying not to deal with it at all or not get morgan help. It sounds like she is saying to make his whole life just appts. She mat not be a parent of an autistic child but she did grow up as a child with autism and now dealing with it as an adult. It is a good view point to get perspective from. The more perspectives the better. From your perspective, fr the perspective of parents with special needs children and the perspective from people who grew up and live with autism themselves. It is all good info
     
  6. yoko

    yoko New Member

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    This.

    She's also classes on it too and from what I can see is pretty knowledgable.

    It's amazing that you want to stay on top of it and have EVERYTHING done for him to try and keep him from going through what his dad did and I think that's something you can accomplish. But don't accidentally turn 'keep him from going through the same things' into 'make him normal' in your mind because he's always going to have challenges.

    I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers I'm 25. It's not autism but it's in the autism spectrum. One of my managers who cared enough to watch me talked to me and helped convince me to speak to someone. Some of the coping methods they are teaching me really do work. But in the real world I don't always have time to breath or focus I just have to do and that's something you just can't learn in an always controlled atmosphere.

    You have someone here who has experienced it and has taken time to learn about it. You may be on top of everything schedule/doctor wise but you'll always be blind to it because you are looking at it from the perspective of someone who hasn't experienced the frustrations/stress from it. I think really think Saeloufu and her knowledge of and experience with autism could be an amazing benefit to your son.
     
  7. Grab

    Grab Active Member

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    I'd also like to point out that, if he is indeed found to have autism, all forms of autism are not cut from the same cloth. With current living and relationship situations, it's easy, I'm sure, to go full force (i.e. 'his dad did not get help, I don't want him to have those issues' etc) But, I think it is important to note that he is not his father. I think it can be just as harmful to overdo it with "too much" as it is to ignore it entirely. He may not have any of the issues his father has. As others have pointed out, make sure you remember that there's a toddler in there.

    Toddlers, even those without other conditions, have tantrums. They have bad days. They throw fits over seemingly ridiculous things. Make sure to also remember that he's a goofy little toddler, learning things about his world.
     
  8. Kat09Tails

    Kat09Tails *Now with Snark*

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    Take some time and see if you can meet with the special ed/life skills teacher in your local school district. It's free. They may have materials available and advise to give that is also free. They may also have access to additional community resources to help you at little to no cost.
     
  9. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    The thing with him and his father is he is presenting so FAR alot of his fathers difficulties so until that changes we are using that as a adult model of what he MIGHT be, and what would best be our base until we get into therapy. Morgan is VERy behind in communication so we are working on language programs. PECS (picture exchange system) and signing. Schedule changes cause MAJOR problems so we are working on that. Basically we are focusing on the here and the now and what can be done at a distance since we are having a harder time with getting him into therapy. The situation we are in right now is complicated I wish I could explain more into it but I can't right now. Thankfully sometime soon he is getting a VERY in depth observation/base of therapy which will put us on a better track. We are at the point its one day at a time.

    As far as tantrums go alot of his are easy to tell the difference. With oes from his disability he hit, kicks, bites, flops around like a dying fish. Normal tantrums he just whines and crys. Its also easy to tell the cause with him and if its from normal toddler or autistic toddler. Like you put the wrong brand diaper on him and he wont even move because of the texture. He has to have certain cloth diapers or expensive disposibles. His father has a HUGE clothes sensativity too.

    I talked to my one friend in depth last night and she had already planned to bring a BUNCH of stuff down with her when she comes to work with him <3. We are having issues with getting him the right help here. The special ed dept here isnt as good with autistic students either sadly.
     
  10. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    Ive dealt with it alot more then people know. I was the one who watched and helped my husband. I was the one who dealt with the brunt of it for him. I may not have felt the actual frustration but I knew my husband well enough to know when and usually could tell WHY he was frustrated. I was the one he came to for everything he may not have been able to communicate his feelings about our marriage but himself and frustrations he could most of the time.

    For example I would go to his seizure med appts with him because he would literally get so frustrated trying to explain himself that he shut down. I could explain exactly what he was thinking/feeling because I knew him so well. Maybe I shouldnt have done that for him but such is life. Ive seen the daily challenges he went through I may not have understood where they came from until later but I can now which gives me that tool for Morgan. I can see the same things in Morgan him and I are tuned into eachother to the point its creepy sometimes. In fact our friend is literally amazed how tuned in Morgan and I are to eachother at his age. Bev and I arent even like that.

    I also have a couple adults I know very well with it that went through the nec. counseling/therapy as kids and I talk to them frequently. That have seen Morgan hands on.

    Also on the topic of therapy and how much that will be decided by a professional. If his therapist says every other day then thats what it is. If his therapist says less then that fine. There are things *I* will do on the side but thats for him and I to find out. He loves horses and riding so he will more then likely be in horse assisted therapy classes. He likes music and that might be another one. There are professionals to suggest the therapy he needs for a reason and that will be who *I* listen to.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2012
  11. Miakoda

    Miakoda New Member

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    The public schools receive federal funds for their early intervention programs. You need to check into that as soon as you can. He can receive PT, OT, and speech through that sector as well.

    I would say the average therapy schedule is 2-3 days a week. Some are able to co-treat (PT and OT or OT and speech), which means they work with him at the same time. But not all insurances or Medicaid services allow for that.

    You don't want therapy 5 days a week. He will burn out, get frustrated, and things can (and possibly will) go downhill fast. However, you'll definitely work with him in some form every day of the week.

    And good luck with Hippotherapy. I want Cole in it, but it is soooooo expensive. I'm not sure that Medicaid will cover it; I've never heard of them doing so.
     
  12. boneyjean

    boneyjean Stinky Butt

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    Check your local library for Signing Times etc and other stuff like that. I have actually checked them out at ours before. I would also check Half Price Books if you have one, and maybe even ebay.
     
  13. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    Ive read if you go just the riding classes meant for disabled children its cheaper but you still get alot of the same benefit. We have a program here so Im going to call them and see at least. We plan on working on the basics at home like PECS and what not but thats ONGOING constantly. Plus random "therapy" and what not from our family friend who is honestly just as tuned into him as I am that its scary :yikes: Shes texted me before right in the middle of the meltdown "give my little man a hug for me I know he can use it" without me having said a word to her. He will be in Early Intervention asap and I got his evaluation report today so that will DEFINATLY help.
     
  14. M&M's Mommy

    M&M's Mommy Owned by 3 mutts

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    ((hugs)) I have friends with autistic children from very mild to extreme end of the spectrum.. so I somewhat understand what parents of autistic children are going through & the extra works they'd have to do in comparision to those raising a normal child. I always admire my friends' devotion/involvement/hardworks in autism related treatment/therapy for their children which makes a whole lots of difference in their children's lives.

    I wish you the best of luck. I'll be keeping you, Morgan in my thought & prayers. May God keep him & protect him and provide you enough strength and support to take care of him & his special needs.
     
  15. puppydog

    puppydog Tru evil has no pantyline

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    Don't forget those hugs for his Mommy too xxx
     
  16. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    Thanks guys. Ive been talking to some other Moms with autistic kids and like i said lots of special ed teachers two who are also helpers for special education kids at home. Im thinking I really cant afford to work and raise him. I am going to have to figure out HOW to work from home and support us. Whatever it takes though he will have what he needs. Him and I are lucky as he seems to be high functioning at this point. Hopefully one day he will be able to live the life his father leads without the problems he has. His father has graduated college (2 programs), held long term jobs, has children and for the most part is a great father, just doesnt quite make it as a husband sometimes and that is all because of things that we can help Morgan with.

    I wouldnt change my son for the world. I love him for how he is disability and all and thats all that counts. As long as we have that we can get through anything together him and I.
     
  17. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    I hope you can figure this out bre. Staying home has always been a dream of mine , but we just cant swing it.

    Good luck and if you find any legit work at homes pass them along. Morgan is in capable hands with you!
     
  18. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    I definatly will! My mom and I are starting a at home buisness that I can do it ALL from home and HOPEFULLY help quite a bit. I have one WAH job lined up hopefully not making much but enough to at least start and for the little hours I can add something else. Im also about to go back to school from home not for something I will really enjoy but will support my family.
     

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