Raising a Autistic Child as a single parent. Anyone here been there?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by darkchild16, Jun 13, 2012.

  1. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    I can use some advice. Morgan was just informally dx'd with Autism (hes too young for a official dx) He starts intense speech therapy and OT soon. I just was wondering if anyone else has done it alone and if I can get some tips on how best to work it out in my new life.

    TIA.
     
  2. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    not an austic one here , but special needs with the seizure disorder and developmental delay.

    I really dont have any good advise as most is just like normal things trial and error. maybe Sal or someone else with austism can help better there , but do wanna say HUGE HUGS!!!!

    and google can be a huge friend or enemy , try to remember that.

    and remember you can do this!
     
  3. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    Thankfully as far as the disorder goes Im covered. He has a whole team of teachers on his side to help me including Bax. Its more how to manage as a single parent with all his needs. Morgan technically has that dx currently with the possibility of autism. Right now we are just getting by and finding ways to cope until we can work with him better. Im hoping once we start working with him alot will change but right now I just hope this is as bad as he gets at least for now.

    Thanks :)
     
  4. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    well , with caleb his seizure started when he was 3 , so before then he was a normal healthy happy boy.

    After i dont really know how i would have done it alone honestly , i would have managed i am sure . Enlist all the help you can , a live in nanny/room mate if you could swing it.

    I dont want to contribute to scaring or panicking you , but think about this , Bev is getting into stuff while the baby howls and morgan has a seizure , Ideally you could have help to stop bev pick up baby and while you monitor morgan.

    Do you have any close family you could go into a situation like that with , i suggest it because that is what we do here. one of chris's closes friends lives with us and we provide room and board. ya mom , cuz's or a good friend?
     
  5. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    Don't let the diagnosis become his worst enemy.

    By far, the autistic folks I have dealt with, the most functioning are the ones whose parents didn't excuse everything because of the diagnosis. Yes, autistic kids can lead a normal life. The worst are the ones whose parents have let the diagnosis lead their loves -- "oh no, he can't possibly do that!" "this behavior is ok, he's autistic".

    It's kind if like how people with little dogs let them get away with jumping and lunging/growling and pulling the leash, for lack of better way to express it. They're little, so "it's ok"

    ETA: that was badly worded. You know I didn't mean it that way <3
     
  6. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    This also , i was going to get to it and got wrapped up in logistics.

    Dont let his disability be a crutch to miss out on life. And dont let it become his shield for wrong doing ,

    caleb tried to blame being bad on his brain not working , he wanted to exchange it for one that would let him do good . yeah bull crap he just was bad and got caught. lol

    on that note also , with caleb he does not transiton from task to task well at all, so it is super important for him to learn the proper procedure the first time or it is is engraved wrong forever in his mind.
     
  7. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    Yeah I have that here. Bevs pretty good at stopping EVERYTHING and helping me when Morgan has a seizure. We practice that alot anyway just because Jeremy worked alot. She is a big help for her age and she LOVES it so that is a blessing. I cant keep her from trying to give babies their bottles and pacifiers when we are around friends babies always gently too.

    We also have ventured into the world of baby wearing so most of the time I have a feeling she will be worn just because of how Morgan can be. Plus it helps Morgan cope SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better then anything else. We actually went to a AKC OB show to watch a few classes and he was calm the entire time because he was in his carrier tightly sorta like a weighted blanket.

    I dont let him for the most part the tantrums currently I am we work together and I try but until we get that intervention I dont know exactly the way to go about it. We are working on sign language and we always speak slowly and VERY clearly to him since that is his biggest hurdle. I lived with a grown man who grew up letting it be his sheild as I have found out and never will I let that happen to Morgan. Yes hes disabled but he is one smart little monster and we can do anything together.
     
  8. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    i keep forgeting how big bev is now. major sad face ,
     
  9. Kaydee

    Kaydee Guest

    There is a incredble community online called Autism Speaks. There's articles, forums, resources for every age child. Especially as a single parent you need to hear from other Moms...you feel so alone with an exceptional kid sometimes. Since Emmy's diagnosis at 3 I've found out there are Mom's like us EVERYWHERE, you just have to reach out.

    A good book to begin with is " The Elephant in the Playroom", stories of kids with all kids of disabilities. Some aren't as challenged as your child and others are a whole lot worse. But it's the parents telling how they cope, make peace with and yup, learn to laugh eventually.

    There are more resources than ever before for autism. Keep all the paperwork organized, IEP's come out the size of phone books sometimes, have a file for everything. Another thought, especially as a single parent, your child might be elegible for SSI benefits. Any questions and I'm all ears...
     
  10. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    shes 4.5 :eek: She starts VPK this year I cant believe it honestly.
     
  11. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    Ive breifly looked there but never spent much time there I will definatly sign in there and join :)

    That sounds like the perfect thing right now. I wonder if my library will have it because very soon reading will be a thing of the past (Im also 35 weeks pregnant)

    I have looked into SSI but everything is so new and things are crazy with the seperation and dx and everything that I havent looked alot into it more then he should be eligible if i need it. We havent gotten our child support amount yet though and I was sort of waiting on that and to see how thats handled.

    Im trying to find a few work at home jobs so that I can stay home with him at least for now since hes so young and this is the critical time for him.
     
  12. Saeleofu

    Saeleofu Active Member

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    I really can't tell you much as I'm not a parent, but getting support for him as soon as you can is a good move. That being said, try not to let it rule his life. I had no therapies and wasn't dx'd until later in life, and although I definitely wish I would have had OT or something, and wish I was eligible for it now, I am glad that my life wasn't one appointment after another.

    You might want to check out Spectrumites http://www.spectrumites.com/forums/index.php It's a forum primarily for people on the spectrum, but it's also got NT parents with autistic kids, autistic parents with autistic kids, autistic parents with NT kids, etc etc so I'm sure someone there could give you some tips, or at least be there for you to talk to. It's not very active at the moment, but it's getting there again. It's probably one of the most balanced and accepting autie forums out there - we accept that it is disabling for many if not most people, but t has its ups too -empowerment and support are key over there. I'm a mod and I go by Eponine there.
     
  13. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    apply now for SSI , they will deny him the first time . I first applied for Caleb when he was 4. got denied and had a hearing and the officer told me the reason i was being denied is there was no proof yet the seizure where bad enough to get help for so i blew it off. reapplied when he was 7 and was approved first time around because he was in special ed and had a huge paper trail on his problems, so go ahead and apply now , can do it online or over the phone.
     
  14. Saeleofu

    Saeleofu Active Member

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    Oh, for the love of all that is good, please don't! Also don't give them a penny. Their fundraisers use more funds than they raise, and the vast majority of the money goes to paying salary and doing petty research (ie nothing that will actually help anyone who is actually autistic). They don't actually help autistic families, and they censor autistic people by not letting them speak at their events (ironic, huh?). Awful organization. Autism Self Advocacy Network and Autism Network International are much better. Even GRASP has been decent in the past, though I'm not familiar enough with them to know how they've been doing in the last couple years.
     
  15. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    His father could have benefited greatly from the therapy and alot of things might be different if he had been treated like he had aspergers/autism then how he was where you dont have a problem to work with. I dont want him to live his fathers life when he grows up. I feel bad for him in alot of ways but he refuses to still get help so such is life. Most of his therapy will not be in offices either most likely. Im hoping to be able to do alot at home with the help of my varied sources and a therapist who sees him as well. Honestly Id much rather him in therapy his childhood and live a normal adult life then to do what my ex mil did and sweep it under the rug and now her son has issues being an adult.

    Ill check it out.

    Thanks.
     
  16. puppydog

    puppydog Tru evil has no pantyline

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    Nothing to add other then I'm here for you. My phone is always on and I am usually able to answer in chat. ;)
     
  17. Kaydee

    Kaydee Guest

    Another suggestion would be to find out about early intervention programs if you haven't already. Emmy was in full day from 3 on. They worked on simple academics but also speech and socializing and so many things to prepare her for public school. She's classified going into 4th grade but it's a mixed class-1st grade up to 5th. You got time before you have to worry about that.

    If you have an IEP and paperwork from whatever teachers and pediatrician you can present your case to SSI, I didn't have any trouble getting it, now we just recertify every 5 years.

    Respectfully to Saeofu...How many kids do you have? Do you even have kids? What do you base your statements on? Good Lord...and that's all I have to say about that...
     
  18. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    She is autistic herself, and so is quite passionate about the issue.

    Obviously you got a lot of help and support from the link you posted though, so it was great of you to pass that on to DC to try to help her out.
     
  19. Miakoda

    Miakoda New Member

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    Transitions are our enemy. I use verbal preparation and a set timer that he can see visually and hear auditorily. Extra work, but soooooo worth the effort.

    I'm on my phone, so I've got to keep it short.

    Education. Educate yourself about the disorder. Learn the facts, and treat the rest with an educated opinion/decision.

    While I wholeheartedly agree about the behavior/discipline issues, I agree. But...(there's always a but(t)...lol) you have to recognize the behaviors and realize and understand where they come from. That's not e fusing bad behavior, rather it means you have to approach your disciplinary procedures in a different manner. I cannot discipline Cole the same way I do my other two or my nieces and nephew, who are his age. His brain processes things in a different manner, and he doesn't always grasp the cause and effect of his actions.
     
  20. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    yeah i get that from caleb to Mia , defiantly did not mean to disregard his issues , if it came out that way i did not mean it that away lol. just basically know your child and know the diffrence in plain being bad and not understanding something.
     

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