Porn... How would you feel?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by ~Tucker&Me~, Aug 14, 2010.

  1. ~Tucker&Me~

    ~Tucker&Me~ and Spy.

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    So the other day, I found porn on my boyfriend's phone.

    I vaguely remember a thread about this a long time ago but couldn't find it so I decided to bring up the topic again.

    If you found out that your BF/Hubby was watching porn (without your knowledge), how would you feel about it?

    To be honest, I was really, really hurt. I didn't even know how to react 0.o He was obviously embarrassed I found out and kind of denied it at first before acknowledging it. Turns out he has looked at it regularly since before we were going out (it's been 2 years).

    So yeah, I guess I am surprised by how much it has affected me. I suddenly feel much more self conscious, and embarrassed, not to mention just downright hurt. I haven't really wanted to kiss him or anything since, it just feels weird =/

    I guess I am just wondering if my reaction is weird or if I am overreacting or...? Do you think it counts as cheating and would you be ok with it?

    Thanks guys :(
     
  2. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    Porn didn't bother me at all. I could care less if he wanted to watch it on his own, in my company etc... now what really bothered me was finding out I was filmed without my consent. Ugh. Any other kind of porn is alright by me. Just don't film me without my knowledge.
     
  3. CharlieDog

    CharlieDog Rude and Not Ginger

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    Well, this is kind of a loaded topic for me, anyway. I have no problem with him watching pron, but what I do have a problem with is doing it in secret. It's one thing if your SO knows you watch porn, but if you're going behind their back to watch pron that's another thing.

    Meh.
     
  4. skittledoo

    skittledoo Crazy naked dog lady

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    It's definitely a case by case situation since some people are more ok with it than others and to each his/her own.

    Me personally... I couldn't handle it. I had a guy I dated a while back ago and was engaged to at one point. I found out that at night he would sneak out of our room, take his laptop into the bathroom and look at porn. Was I hurt? You betcha... I guess it just really made me wonder, "Am I not enough?"

    Luckily with Josh he actually really doesn't like porn at all so it's not been an issue at all. But porn is definitely something I can't have in my relationship... to be honest... it makes me uncomfortable, self conscious... and it really makes me feel like I'm not enough to satisfy that person...

    As far as cheating is concerned... I don't feel that it is ACTUALLY cheating, but it feels just as bad and just as I will leave a guy for cheating on me... if a guy feels the need to continue to look at porn after I've expressed that I'm uncomfortable with it then that's not a relationship I need to remain in. Just my .02.... but like I said... it really depends on the two people in the relationship and whether or not they are ok with it.
     
  5. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    For sure. I don't see it as the actual act of watching itself as what causes a relationship issue. It's all about how the two people handle the situation. My brother and my best friend are datinga nd living together and this was a recent issue for them. I got both sides of the story and it was quite the drawn out emotional event because it made her hysterical, espeically because it was done behind her back. A lot of tears later and playing a bit of a middle man they sorted it out. Not exactly an arguement I want to be dragged into.

    :p
     
  6. noludoru

    noludoru Bored Now.

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    If it was that the SO was watching porn and not mentioning it to me. . . well, I'm sure mine does. :p If it was that he was keeping it a secret, yeah, I'd have a problem with it. I don't like secrets. In your particular situation, I would not be happy, and to be honest, I'd dump him. You don't keep secrets for two years. And if it was something other than porn that he was keeping a secret, I'd also dump him. Porn isn't really the issue for me, it's that it was deliberately hidden.

    I think you are overreacting in the sense that that you are embarrassed and self conscious. In being hurt and uncomfortable with the situation, you're not; but you have nothing to be embarrassed about. He should be embarrassed for being such a jerk. And you definitely shouldn't feel self-conscious - he's with you, not whoever he's looking at pictures of, so he obviously thinks you're beautiful.

    Porn isn't a replacement for your SO. . . it's just fun to watch/read/look at. Variety, I guess, and fantasy. It can be a private thing or something you do together.

    :hail::hail: Exactly.

    I ditto the bolded part as well. If you are uncomfortable with it and ask your SO not to, if he or she can't honor your wishes for you, it's not a relationship you should be in. Every relationship requires a little bit (or a lot) of give and take when it comes to making each other happy, and if that's not something either of you can be happy with or at least compromise on, then it's not a relationship you should continue with.
     
  7. Jules

    Jules Magic, motherf@%$*#!

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    Hmmm... If he knew that you had a problem with porn and then still looked at it secretly, I think that would be plain terrible.

    If you two have never really discussed it, you maybe just expressed to him that you are not into it...and he goes to watch it secretly... well, I think that needs a good sit down and talk. You can tell him how it makes you feel and that you don't like him looking at porn. I wouldn't say to dumb him right here and then, because maybe he didn't realize that this is a big deal for you, maybe he just thought you're just not into it. If he continues to look at porn after the conversation, I'd say then you have to think about if he's the right one for you.

    I wouldn't say to dumb him right here and then, because maybe he didn't realize that this is a big deal for you, maybe he just thought you're just not into it.
     
  8. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    Ermmm... I have been known to find piccies for my OH to look at, so I'm preeeeetty sure he looks at porn. Do you think I should tell him I look at it too? I think he already knows to be fair ;)

    Porn is just something to get ya rocks off too - why not enjoy it together? It has no sway on how he feels about you. And you never know, you might find you both want to try something new from it and spice up your own sex life... I mean, you'd watch a cookery programme to learn new cooking techniques yis?

    I do agree on being open with each other though... but I don't ask my OH every time he's a had a jolly at nudey people.
     
  9. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    Doesn't bother me lol
    hes not cheating, its just looking and whatever...
    lol boys will be boys, I know the majority of guys watch porn so might as well let em and embrace it instead of making them hide it.

    plus, take a look at some of the models lol they are BUSTED, chances are, you are much prettier

    I don't watch, just cause I think its gross. but whatever floats your boat, with prettier girls, hotter guys, some music and better cameras.. who knows lol maybe I would!

    Me and my BF watch it together sometimes and it goes from funny, to hot, (mostly funny lol "Are they SERIOUSLY having sex in a crowded restaurant.. and yet NOBODY is looking! lol" )
    etc.. and I think its something cool to share together instead of him being ashamed and hiding internet histories lol

    Of course I dont let him watch on MY computer. last thing I need is a porn virus lol


    I might have a problem if it was weird porn.. like 13 year old asians, animals, little people.. or that kind of thing. but the regular girl on girl or guy on girl.. doesn't bug me
     
  10. Dekka

    Dekka Just try me..

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    For anyone against porn.. make sure you don't read any romance novels in secret, and talk to him first.

    Romance novels are to women (most women lol) are what porn is to men (most men). Personally I am fine with my SO if he wants to look at porn.
     
  11. MaloreyAnimal

    MaloreyAnimal New Member

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    I could care less. Person wants to watch it fine by me. Do they have to tell me? No. Will I be hurt to find out my gf/bf does? Nope.

    I don't find it to be cheating in anyway.
     
  12. Pops2

    Pops2 New Member

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    if you haven't discussed it before then he just assumed you didn't want to know. the embarassment comes from no knowing how you feel about it. talk it out.
    if you have talked about it then it's a breach of trust and it's wrong. probably not a good combination, as he is trying to change (or pretend to change) who he is for you, which RARELY ends well.
     
  13. MafiaPrincess

    MafiaPrincess Obvious trollsare Obvious

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    I wouldn't really consider it a secret. I just assume most guys watch porn sometimes. I don't see what there is to be embarrassed about and I do see it as an over reaction.

    I like to read decent romancey novels and I sometimes look at pics. *shrug* Having an SO of not whatever. If you two have never had a full on conversation about porn he has no idea how you feel. Many people would see nothing wrong with it. If you have that big an issue that porn can't exist in your relationship then this may not be the relationship for you, but you might be hard pressed to find someone who will never ever look at porn for fear of offending you.
     
  14. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    It would entirely depend on whether we'd discussed it or not. If I told him it made me uncomfortable or I wasn't okay with it, then he needs to respect that. Just like if he was uncomfortable with something I was doing (going to dinner with male coworkers, meeting internet people, WHATEVER) he would need to tell me, and I would need to accept and respect that.

    If you've never discussed that you arent okay with it, it's not fair to be mad at him for it.
     
  15. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    Depends where youre looking. Lust is a sin to Christians, so if youre trying to find a spouse with the same religious beliefs, it's quite common to be against pornography.
     
  16. Baxter'smybaby

    Baxter'smybaby swimming upstream

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    I think Pops has a good perspective here--if it's something you never talked to each other about, then you probably need to.
     
  17. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    I just assumed that all guys watch porn lol well..most guys, other than the super religious and like..priests and stuff.

    my mom used to buy my brothers french playboy.. because they were buying the american ones anyway and she figured it might atleast encourage them to improve their french
    ..thought I doubt they were actually reading them lol but whatever! so I guess that affected my views on the issue, I just thought porn was pretty normal.

    I don't see the difference with say, him watching porn, and him thinking about megan fox while masturbating. sooo I don't see the big deal lol I can't check his brain history

    who am I to say "stop watching it".. I think honestly that would just make him hide it, and where does it stop? at "Don't you DARE think about other girls that way!" lol umm..ok..

    lol I watch the jersey shore... which honestly I think is a much weirder show than the porn he watches, so who am I to judge? lol
     
  18. Dekka

    Dekka Just try me..

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    Even the religious guys I know look at porn. You can't follow EVERYTHING the bible says (its physically impossible.. do you wear mixed fibres?) Just like many Christian ladies I know read romance novels.

    Men have been looking at pictures of naked ladies as long as people have been making pictures... its human nature. Yes there are ways where porn can become a problem, but just looking at it does not equal a problem.
     
  19. Gypsydals

    Gypsydals New Member

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    So very true, some of those novels get pretty **** explicit and can create quite a visual.
    I don't have a problem with it, but then again I know he does. I just ask he does ask me to watch them with him. Not my kind of thing.
     
  20. darkchild16

    darkchild16 We are Home.

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    eh my husband doesnt and has no desire to. He knows if he told me I wouldnt care or think anything of it either. Ive even suggessted he do it while I was pregnant and after LOL. Just not his thing.

    I would be PISSED if I talked to him about it told him X made me uncomfortable and he did it anyway. It would be over that second. Like there is one girl Jeremy used to talk to that made me reallllllllllllllly uncomfortable (found out I had reason to feel that way) and I discussed it with him and that was that.


    I would talk to him if you havent and explain X makes me upset because it makes me feel X way and see what he says.
     

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