Please help!

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by StephyMei1112, Jul 7, 2012.

  1. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    The dog is an equal - but I've had alot of bfs...
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    I've got a wonderful, sweet, talented, smart caring friend - we've known each other a long time. She's quite abit younger than me but is way beyond her years.

    I don't quite know what has happened in her life as of recently to make her feel like this so suddenly but I suspect she is going to try to commit suicide soon. She's wanted to die quite alot but I've always been able to pull her out of it. This time feels so different and scary though...I don't want to lose her and I don't want her to lose life.

    She is transgender, her family has left her high and dry, her relationships have been troubled and she's struggled for a good chunk of her young life with depression, bipolar, and just general hardships. The tide is always against her and she doesn't quite know how to break out of her cycle - I really suspect something else has happened though as she's not like she normally is.

    I'm not quite sure what to say to her - I want her desperately to be around and not miss out on what could be a really good life, but she's just said to me "I'm so tired, please respect whatever I choose..". I'm really scared, She's been there done that with counselors and therapists and she feels "disenchanted" with them, She's not the type of person to go to group or community support things and she doesn't have a wide social network. I'm her only close friend and she doesn't really like socializing much even when I've tried to take her out.

    Can you guys please offer me up suggestions as to how to see this thru? I don't want to see her do something foolish and I'm very very scared....
     
  2. Kat09Tails

    Kat09Tails *Now with Snark*

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    My answer is do what you have to do. If you're 98% sure that's what she intends CALL 911
    and report it.
     
  3. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    I can't get thru to her...I have no idea if she'd be at home or...sigh...I'm just hoping she will be alright right now...
     
  4. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this :(

    I don't have many suggestions, but please know, all you can do is be there for her, and listen to her, and let her know how much she means to you.
     
  5. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    She said earlier that she appreciated and loved me but that the pain was greater than anything and that she didn't know how she could go on....I want to cry but I feel like my tears have all dried up...I'm exhausted but still very anxious...
     
  6. yoko

    yoko New Member

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    Sorry :( I went through this with my best friend he's a recently come out gay. If you think she is going to do something call the police in her area and let them know. They will do a check on her and calling them doesn't mean they will drag her off then and there.

    I live in OK my best friend was in CA and I woke up to a text at 4:30 am with him telling me I was a great friend but he was tired of everything. It took me an hour to get up the courage to call the PD.

    They went by his house and he wasn't home but his family was and they called him telling him the PD was looking for him and I text him and called him. He went home and talked to them.

    For him that was rock bottom and he's turned around and is almost done with school now. I'm not saying that is what will happen with your friend. But the only thought I had was I didn't think I could live with myself if my best friend killed himself and I didn't try everything I could to reach him. I could have failed and he could have still gone through with it. I would have been devastated but I would have known I had tried as hard as I could to help him.
     
  7. yoko

    yoko New Member

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    Also adding as a second post since my computer won't let me edit for some reason :/

    I even got online and talked to a suicide hotline person. I felt guilty for weeks after calling. But we've talked recently and he said the turning point for him was that someone cared enough to call when he needed.

    It may not help and they may still go through with it but don't let this be something where you wondered if you could have helped save her for the rest of your life. Do what you can and know that you've done what you could.
     
  8. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    I just really have no idea where she's up to now. It hurts me so much that there are no mutual friends I can call or even her family. The loneliness and isolation must be horrible for her...I tried to make it better but maybe it just wasn't enough....

    I'll give them a try but I'm quite shaky now, and Katalin needs her walk soon...I have a feeling this is going to be a rough night, if not couple of days....
     
  9. yoko

    yoko New Member

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    I'd call the PD and give them what info you have. She could be at home not answering.
     
  10. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    I'll try....but honestly I have no idea where she could be right now, I just hope she's still around...
     
  11. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    Honestly, the way she's talking, I'd bet she is.

    IME, when they have a plan, they know an end is coming so they seem to get better, cause they want you to have the good memories, and they know the pain won't be there much longer.
     
  12. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Got ahold of her, she was at a cafe/hang out place on her own. She's abit calmer now but red alert still on - it'll be a late night for sure...
     
  13. joce

    joce Active Member

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    Call the hotline. It won't be your fault if anything happens to her but it will always hang over your head,it's not something you forget. She will forgive you. Please call and let them make the decision to see her or not.
     
  14. yoko

    yoko New Member

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    This. You do not want this to hang over your head for the rest of your life. If you think she will be mad I'll be honest she might be. I know my friend was pretty upset for about a week after I called. But right after I called the police I sent him a message about how much I cared about him and told him he could be mad at me and that I understood if he was. I mean I called the cops on him from half a country away. I reminded him he was my best friend and even if he was super mad at me to please talk to someone about it. If not just for him for me too.

    He calmed down and about a month/month and a half later did start talking to someone. He started going to college and has been doing much better. He does still get depressed sometimes but has learned a lot of better ways to deal with it. We even joke about calling the cops on each other now.

    I'm not saying this is what will happen for you but I can tell you from experience the best thing you can do for YOUR mental well being is to call or notify someone if you really think she is going to try to hurt herself.
     
  15. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Small update:

    She is doing OK, she's become rather placid. She isn't shrieking or howling desires of death but she isn't very optimistic about much either, A situation where someone has an eye on her 24/7 isn't possible just due to her lifestyle and way she is but for now...sigh...I consider it like the eye of the storm...but I sincerely do hope she gets over this and moves on with happiness.
     
  16. Dizzy

    Dizzy Sit! Good dog.

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    You only regret the things you don't do.

    By that, I mean make sure you do what you feel you are able to. Helping someone doesn't require big gestures.

    I would contact an LGBT group and ask them for advice on what you can do for her.

    You're being an amazing friend, and no matter what she does or doesn't do, dont forget that.
     
  17. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    She's been there done that with the LGBT organizations - they didn't really do much for her - she's not a community/outreach sort of person - she's really solitary even among people with similar interests/lifestyles. So I don't know how well they could advise me about her but I might give it a try...

    I'm ok LOL - she's the amazing one; She's been an inexhaustible source of wise counsel during trying times, a hilarious companion and extremely savvy shopper, a spectacular person, and just a really really great person through and through. She views the world with clarity and precision - but is rather muddled in her own issues. It's like that for alot of us though, me included I guess...
     
  18. StephyMei1112

    StephyMei1112 Blackout

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    Oh lord...it's stirring up again. It's been on her mind so strongly these few days and she's said she's felt numb...
     
  19. Pops2

    Pops2 New Member

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    did you just come right out and ask her? it won't "give her ideas" if you're reading it wrong, but it will give you the chance to state how much you care and how much you want her to live. if she says yes IMMEDIATELY take her to get professional help.
     
  20. Sweet72947

    Sweet72947 Squishy face

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    Call 911. That's all there is you can do. You can't talk them out of it. You can't make them better yourself no matter how very much you want to. Get the authorities involved, that's all that is left. She may be angry with you, and she may not talk to you again for a very long time, but sometimes you have to sacrifice a friendship in order to save a friend. I speak from experience on this.

    ((((HUGS))) and {{{{VIBES}}}} that everything turns out ok.
     

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