Parenting- money for good grades?

[sparks19]

no , because each child's learning capabilities are different.

all would happen would frustrate the kids who have a difficult time as it is and make the ones whom learn easier to fly through there work and lord it over the other ones.

of course if i only had 1 kid then maybe , but with this group it is not fair. or even right.

Actually, I forgot about it but my grandma would give us money for grades. It was a tiny deal to me because I easily got good grades with no effort. My brother struggled and still didnt often get "good" grades.

It is not something I would do as honeslty, I hate the concept of "grades" and find then arbitrary at best, actually damaging at worse. Grades tell you absolutely nothing about how and what the child is learning

I agree with both of these.

I wouldn't pay for grades. heck I wouldn't pay for doing chores either... at least not the basic chores. extra things like volunteering to mow the lawn or shovel the driveway maybe but not sweeping and doing the dishes. those are things that are expected in a household and all family members need to contribute to because it's the right thing to do... not because you get paid for them

The same with grades. I wouldn't pay for grades. Hannah will be expected to do her VERY best and sometimes your "very best" is not always A+ material. I wouldn't punish her for trying as HARD as she could and then not coming up with an A. When I was in school I tried... LORD how I tried but A's were just not int he cards for me no matter how hard I tried. The way they taught in school just didn't work for me. It was more confusing to me than anything and I really struggled. I think there may have been a bit of dyslexia at play there because one of the things I struggled with the MOST was the concept of left and right and in math I REALLY struggled with rounding numbers up and down... simplest thing but the way my brain worked and the way it was taught it was a totally lost concept on me. it wasn't until one of the hockey players that we had boarding with us sat down with me and explained it in a different way that it really suddenly clicked and made sense to me.

What is more important to me is that Hannah try her very best in everything she does. not that she be successful at everything she ever does. there are just going to be some things she isn't good at and THAT IS OK! I will not punish her for not being good at something or for struggling with something and if there is something she doesn't understand I will do my very best to teach it a different way until we find what works for her.

Now that's not to say she'll never be rewarded. She absolutely will if she tries her best but it's not going to be something she'll come to EXPECT. It will be a nice surprise like "hey you did a GREAT job on that project... why don't we go out for ice cream to celebrate" or something like that or "Thank you for taking the intiative to do that extra work. here is a few extra bucks on your allowance" but I want her to take pride in her work and not just do it for the reward. I want her pride to be her reward

 

[CaliTerp07]

If there is anything I have learned from being a middle school teacher, it's that every child has a different motivator (not that different from dogs, eh? Some are motivated by food, others attention, others toys, others chasing the neighbor's cat...)

If it works, great. If it doesn't, try something else.

I have a kid in my class who has a standing offer that I will bring back McDonalds for lunch if he ever gets 100% on a math test. That motivates this kid to study more than anything else ever has. He does not care about grades, his brain is not developed enough to understand that his algebra grade is going to haunt his transcript for the rest of his academic career, and he doesn't see a point to math. He sees a point to food. As the adult in the situation, I have to find a way to get him to do what is best for himself, even if that means bribing for a while until he is able to understand and appreciate the value of the math we're doing.

Money would not have motivated me in middle/high school. Neither would food, or trips to the movies, or special privileges, or anything like that. My motivator from elementary school on was getting into a good college. Many, many kids don't have that internal desire. While you're working on building intrinsic motivation, sometimes you have to utilize a little extrinsic motivation in the meantime.

Ideally, everyone would love to learn for the sake of learning, or would have long term career/life goals that they were working towards as they completed their classwork. This is not the ideal world though.

 

[ACooper]

We've handed out different rewards for grades, can't say we've seen a difference no matter what the reward. We don't normally have reason to complain with our kids' grades or learning progress. While they don't generally bring home straight A's.......they always do well so there's no reason to bribe them, LOL

They do (or did) love the rewards around town though! Like Family Video gives all the kids a free movie/game rental for each A (final grade) and there were/are a few other places that offer things. They always got excited about that, I think it was more for the hype than actual reward.

 

[Xandra]

If there is anything I have learned from being a middle school teacher, it's that every child has a different motivator (not that different from dogs, eh? Some are motivated by food, others attention, others toys, others chasing the neighbor's cat...)

If it works, great. If it doesn't, try something else.

I have a kid in my class who has a standing offer that I will bring back McDonalds for lunch if he ever gets 100% on a math test. That motivates this kid to study more than anything else ever has. He does not care about grades, his brain is not developed enough to understand that his algebra grade is going to haunt his transcript for the rest of his academic career, and he doesn't see a point to math. He sees a point to food. As the adult in the situation, I have to find a way to get him to do what is best for himself, even if that means bribing for a while until he is able to understand and appreciate the value of the math we're doing.

Money would not have motivated me in middle/high school. Neither would food, or trips to the movies, or special privileges, or anything like that. My motivator from elementary school on was getting into a good college. Many, many kids don't have that internal desire. While you're working on building intrinsic motivation, sometimes you have to utilize a little extrinsic motivation in the meantime.

Ideally, everyone would love to learn for the sake of learning, or would have long term career/life goals that they were working towards as they completed their classwork. This is not the ideal world though.

:hail: This is a good post. Even if you are bribing, you are building good habits.

My parents never offered money, but I'm not sure how much money it would've taken to make me try in school. I did like it when my dad was pleased with my grades but high school was lame and I lacked any sort of motivation. If they'd bribed me with a horse I would've pulled it together

 

[CaliTerp07]

I will say that learning theory says that paying for final grades doesn't seem to have a whole lot of benefit for kids on the whole (entire districts have played around with paying kids for final grades). What really DOES work is paying for the steps along the way that should get the better grades at the end of the day anyway. That is, pay for going to after school tutoring. Pay for doing homework. Pay for studying the night before the test.

(Pay being whatever currency you're working with--praise, money, food, animals, privileges, whatever)

It makes sense. The vast majority of kids in junior high/high school don't fully understand the connection between actions and effects. My 8th graders are blown away when they do poorly on the test, while I could predict how every child was going to do ahead of time. Kid A didn't do a single homework? Won't get better than a C. Mom could have offered him $100 for an A on that test, and it wouldn't make much of a difference, because it was too late in the game. If mom had offered him $5 for doing all his math homeworks in a unit, he'd probably have an A or a B.

Plus, then you're really paying them for developing good skills, as opposed to rewarding kids for being "smart".

 

[sparks19]

I have no issue with bribing. I bribe hannah with stuff all the time LOL. My biggest issue is that it's all about a letter and not about how hard they are trying or even if they actually KNOW the material or were just able to memorize the answers. I tried in school. Every night I was in tears when trying to do my homework because I just didn't GET it. It wasn't for lack if trying. My report cards always said that I was a great help to teachers and students in need and was always willing to lend a hand and that I always tried very hard (also that I talk too much and had a messy desk LOL). But rarely was there an A on my report card, not until about 8th grade when things started to click for me. My mom was always proud to know that I tried my best and she would reward me from time to time for that even though the actual grade may have been a C. She didn't punish me for struggling but would reward me for trying even though I often failed at certain tasks. I didn't fail because I didn't try my best and she recognized that

 

[CaliTerp07]

I have no issue with bribing. I bribe hannah with stuff all the time LOL. My biggest issue is that it's all about a letter and not about how hard they are trying or even if they actually KNOW the material or were just able to memorize the answers. I tried in school. Every night I was in tears when trying to do my homework because I just didn't GET it. It wasn't for lack if trying. My report cards always said that I was a great help to teachers and students in need and was always willing to lend a hand and that I always tried very hard (also that I talk too much and had a messy desk LOL). But rarely was there an A on my report card, not until about 8th grade when things started to click for me. My mom was always proud to know that I tried my best and she would reward me from time to time for that even though the actual grade may have been a C. She didn't punish me for struggling but would reward me for trying even though I often failed at certain tasks. I didn't fail because I didn't try my best and she recognized that

Sounds like you had enough internal motivation to want to do well, and didn't need extrinsic rewards the way many kids do. It also sounds like your mom was already employing what I said above--rewarding you for taking the proper steps to try to improve your grades.

 

[ACooper]

Eek, if the word 'bribe' offended, that wasn't the purpose! Trust that I have NO issues "bribing" when it's needed! LOL I've bribed for good behavior, bribed for clean rooms, etc etc

"Bribe" was just the easiest word to insert. And IF we had a grade issue and I felt "bribery" would help, I'd be all over it! LOLOL

 

[sparks19]

Sounds like you had enough internal motivation to want to do well, and didn't need extrinsic rewards the way many kids do. It also sounds like your mom was already employing what I said above--rewarding you for taking the proper steps to try to improve your grades.

Yeah we were posting at the same time lol I agree with reqarding for the good habits along the way rather than just the end result.

 

[LindaJD]

I always gave my kids a $100.00 bill on the last day of school if they stayed on the honor roll all year. They all did good in school so most years they all got it.

 

[Whisper]

I was always striving for perfect grades for my own reasons. I wanted to do my best. I took it a bit over the top, though. I would cry if I got anything less than an A (and that includes an A-).

I agree with both of these.

I wouldn't pay for grades. heck I wouldn't pay for doing chores either... at least not the basic chores. extra things like volunteering to mow the lawn or shovel the driveway maybe but not sweeping and doing the dishes. those are things that are expected in a household and all family members need to contribute to because it's the right thing to do... not because you get paid for them

The same with grades. I wouldn't pay for grades. Hannah will be expected to do her VERY best and sometimes your "very best" is not always A+ material. I wouldn't punish her for trying as HARD as she could and then not coming up with an A. When I was in school I tried... LORD how I tried but A's were just not int he cards for me no matter how hard I tried. The way they taught in school just didn't work for me. It was more confusing to me than anything and I really struggled. I think there may have been a bit of dyslexia at play there because one of the things I struggled with the MOST was the concept of left and right and in math I REALLY struggled with rounding numbers up and down... simplest thing but the way my brain worked and the way it was taught it was a totally lost concept on me. it wasn't until one of the hockey players that we had boarding with us sat down with me and explained it in a different way that it really suddenly clicked and made sense to me.

What is more important to me is that Hannah try her very best in everything she does. not that she be successful at everything she ever does. there are just going to be some things she isn't good at and THAT IS OK! I will not punish her for not being good at something or for struggling with something and if there is something she doesn't understand I will do my very best to teach it a different way until we find what works for her.

Now that's not to say she'll never be rewarded. She absolutely will if she tries her best but it's not going to be something she'll come to EXPECT. It will be a nice surprise like "hey you did a GREAT job on that project... why don't we go out for ice cream to celebrate" or something like that or "Thank you for taking the intiative to do that extra work. here is a few extra bucks on your allowance" but I want her to take pride in her work and not just do it for the reward. I want her pride to be her reward

Great post, Tanya.
For the short time I actually got an allowance, it was only for being a real help around the house. I remember complaining to my mom that the other kids got allowance for cleaning their rooms. She said, "Nope. Cleaning your room is something you should be doing, and I'm not going to pay you for your standard responsibilities."


All the comments about different methods for different kids are good points. It wasn't the point of this thread, but I will say in the example of my OP, it DOES upset me, because one of the daughters has a severe learning disability. She'll study and study and do her best but she very rarely gets As. So the other kids get rewards and she gets yelled at, even though she puts in the most effort. If I got a bad grade on an assignment and showed it to my mom, she would always ask me if I did my best, because that was the most important thing.

 

[CaliTerp07]

All the comments about different methods for different kids are good points. It wasn't the point of this thread, but I will say in the example of my OP, it DOES upset me, because one of the daughters has a severe learning disability. She'll study and study and do her best but she very rarely gets As. So the other kids get rewards and she gets yelled at, even though she puts in the most effort. If I got a bad grade on an assignment and showed it to my mom, she would always ask me if I did my best, because that was the most important thing.

Another case of where paying the kid $3/day to go to after school tutoring or dessert after dinner for clearly written notes or the chance to choose a movie rental on Friday if she did her homework for the whole week would probably lead to better grades faster than $20 for an A on a test.

I see a lot of my kids give up around halfway through each quarter. They realize that it is impossible to get an A or B or often a C, and figure there's no difference between a 64% F and a 30% F (except that they get a lot more free time to play video games or hang out with friends if they don't care at all any more). With the rewards for the baby steps, there's no reason to give up along the way. They can always earn the daily dollar for taking notes in class, even if they didn't understand last week's topic.

 

[Whisper]

Another case of where paying the kid $3/day to go to after school tutoring or dessert after dinner for clearly written notes or the chance to choose a movie rental on Friday if she did her homework for the whole week would probably lead to better grades faster than $20 for an A on a test.

I see a lot of my kids give up around halfway through each quarter. They realize that it is impossible to get an A or B or often a C, and figure there's no difference between a 64% F and a 30% F (except that they get a lot more free time to play video games or hang out with friends if they don't care at all any more). With the rewards for the baby steps, there's no reason to give up along the way. They can always earn the daily dollar for taking notes in class, even if they didn't understand last week's topic.

Yeah, that's a great idea, Cali. Unfortunately the mother in question doesn't really care. MY mom was helping this girl study. Her own mom doesn't even know where she is half the time. But that's another topic.
She loves me, though, maybe I can bring up that topic to her in a nice way?

 

[Paige]

My mother rewarded good effort with something like buying us a book that interested us or would take us and do something extra special. It didn't matter if it was an A or a C. She rewarded the hard work not the end result.

 

[nikkiluvsu15]

I didn't get money for good grades... because good grades were expected (or at the very least doing our very best and considering I was home schooled my mom knew when I wasn't doing my very best)

I don't think I'd pay my kid if she/he got good grades, just seems a bit weird to me. lol

 

[Doberluv]

When I tried negotiating some kind of tangible reward, my Dad would say, "Virtue is it's own reward." I got absolutely no where with him. :rofl1:

I don't see anything wrong though with giving a reward for success. It's the natural way things work. You do a good job, you get paid...when you're old enough to have a job. So, a good job in school and a reward for it makes sense to me. Whatever is very valued by the individual kid or their age...whatever.

I also had chores and an allowance. Only when I did a job that was "over and above the call of duty," as my Dad put it, did I get paid something more than my allowance. I did pretty much the same thing with my kids. That way, they learn that there are some things you just do because you're part of a family and everyone needs to chip in and do his part, but they learn too, that if they do more than that, more than what's expected...an extra hard or special job, they can earn money for their work. (when they're the age where money matters. Or it could be some other special treat when they're really young)

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

He does not care about grades, his brain is not developed enough to understand that his algebra grade is going to haunt his transcript for the rest of his academic career, and he doesn't see a point to math.

My motivator from elementary school on was getting into a good college. Many, many kids don't have that internal desire.

Ideally, everyone would love to learn for the sake of learning, or would have long term career/life goals that they were working towards as they completed their classwork. This is not the ideal world though.

What really DOES work is paying for the steps along the way that should get the better grades at the end of the day anyway.

The vast majority of kids in junior high/high school don't fully understand the connection between actions and effects.
Plus, then you're really paying them for developing good skills, as opposed to rewarding kids for being "smart".

I completely agree with all these points. For some people, getting into college was motivation enough, and for others, that's not a priority. Kids and teens brains are still developing, and it's difficult for them to see that actions here and now are going to have consequences for them 5-6 years down the road, and possibly for the rest of their lives. I know, because I was this kid. Grades 8-10 I hated school, didn't see the point, rolled my eyes about everything... Then, in grade 11, something seemed to click and I graduated with straight A's and won several academic awards. I was suddenly motivated by the fact that hey, I want to go to university and get a good career so I can buy a house. Sounds simplistic, but I found something to motivate me and that pushed me to get good grades. I do wish my parents had found a way to motivate me earlier, because now I am dealing with the consequences of not taking school seriously until the senior years. I didn't continue with math or sciences, and now that I can better wrap my head around what I want in the future, I immensely regret not taking those courses.

One thing I found was that as soon as I got a few good grades back, and as soon as I saw good marks coming back on tests, that ignited a new motivation for me. After years of seeing Cs, to suddenly get an A felt awesome, and after that just the feeling of getting back a good mark became a huge motivator for me. So if a child is consistently getting poor marks, it is very possible that working hard and seeing proof that they are capable of an A can kickstart them into working hard for more of them.

Since kids often cannot make the connection between good grades now, better chances of a good career and more money later, I don't think it's wrong for parents to reward good behaviours at a young age, and to treat their kids for improvement in their grades.

 

[Tortilla]

For the short time I actually got an allowance, it was only for being a real help around the house. I remember complaining to my mom that the other kids got allowance for cleaning their rooms. She said, "Nope. Cleaning your room is something you should be doing, and I'm not going to pay you for your standard responsibilities."

This too! My mum always said that chores were a part of living in the house and they were expected of me. If I didn't like contributing I could leave! However, she would give me a bit of money if I helped her tackle something major, like painting the living room or something.

 

[sparks19]

Yes I see absolutely nothing wrong with motivating and rewarding kids. Reqarding is as important.. Maybe more important than disciplining them (although i think there needs to be a good balance between the two). Rewarding kids for a job well done or for proper behaviour is very important.

I guess my issue is the idea of rewarding only a grade but that grade doesn't really tell who the person is or how hard they worked or didn't work. I want hannah to know and understand that it's OK to not be good at everything and it's ok to fail sometimes. Failing is important. Learning to accept that failing is a part of life is important.

 

[RD]

I got money for good grades, too, but it wasn't on a consistent basis, and it wasn't a guaranteed "you get $20 per A" thing. I never felt disappointed or let down if I didn't get money, as I already got a small allowance from my parents.

My grandpa was usually the one to give me money or a gift for an outstanding report card.